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SO has difficulty breaking away from a down



New member
Sep 26, 2018
My significant other has long had severe depression, far worse than mine. What I've always done in a down spiral - and what I've always recommended to him - is to take a step back from whatever's causing the stress, distract myself, and come back to it later if it's important.

But he's never been able to do this as far as I can tell. He usually goes through the phases of 1) Anger, 2) Frustration, 3) Suicidal thoughts, 3) Depression/Dwelling on the incident, followed by a lack of self worth.

Getting him to calm down or try and distract him through any of these phases is basically impossible, and as far as I know, he doesn't have any sort of coping method to deal with it.

Typically once he gets into the true depression phase, he also doesn't want me interfering with him (being close, talking, touching, etc.), but I honestly can't leave him truly alone so I have to keep an ear out for him in the next room over.

Normally after a while he'll finish his sulking and play video games, which does help him destress - unfortunately only AFTER he's beat himself up over it for several hours.

But the reason he's upset at the moment is his computer is essentially broken and he can't play games.

Plus this is a rather destructive cycle to begin with, and I wish I could help him to find a coping mechanism to break him out of it before he gets to that point.

He's normally medicated, but we ran out, and even on his meds he falls into this cycle - albeit less severe usually.

Coping mechanisms for when you can't stop dwelling on stressors?


Sep 25, 2018
- A change of scene

- Going for a relaxing walk/ stroll

- Relaxing and uplifting music that feels calming/ healing (without words can sometimes be best)

- Good sleep hygiene or catching up on sleep

- A trip to somewhere different that you wouldn't ordinarily go to

- Exploring idea of therapy - there are many different kinds

- Something practical - like baking a cake, playing guitar

- Eating healthily - have a good meal together (deficiencies can cause or add to depression)

- See doctor and get vitamin levels checked

- Trying something that you used to like to do - maybe investing in classes etc

- Positive talk / self-talk said out loud

- Sometimes having/ offering a hug

- Meeting like minded people - sharing an interest or people who've got a bit further on than you with a struggle etc

- Journalling

- Writing a letter to a person that you wouldn't send (go gently with this)

- A trip to the library to read and explore

- Exercise - what did you like to do in the past or what do you wish you could do?

Hope that something resonates or is helpful x
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