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So happy, but yet so sad?

N

Nutter_09

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 11, 2009
Messages
136
Location
Middlesex
How is it possible to be happy and sad at the same time?
I have "severe depression" according to the doc, psyc and counsellor. I'm off work and have been up and down with a suicide attemp.
My boyf is so great and I love him to bits. Family is another story!
My relationship is not all great thou - we been together for about 8 months and recently I feel like we dont spend much time alone doing things. Today we went to Bournemouth and even though it was peeing down, we had a great time. Nice walk, lunch and really chatted and had a laugh.
We went to the cinema then just chilled at his house.
Its the best day I think I have had for ages and I am truly in love with him soo much.
The only thing is, when I was driving home, I was in tears. I was truly soo happy but coz My life is so crap at the moment its so hard.
We talked about the future, moving in, holidays etc "when I'm sorted" and it makes me feel so down as I just cant get "sorted. Every time I try and get a job i get soo anxious and paniky.
I wrote a note to him on FB about how I have been feeling and he said he understood but was very deep. He is the best thing to happen to me and I just want to be happy and make him happy.

I feel like i am no longer depressed about issues in the past - I feel depressed because I am depressed. Does that make sense????

:mad: :scared:
 
nickh

nickh

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Feb 14, 2008
Messages
1,428
Location
Birmingham UK
Oh of course it makes sense :). Being depressed is extremely depressing. Although this sounds stupid it is one of the great truths about depression. Every time another episode comes along I think 'oh hell (well a much stronger expression actually but I will stick to protocol!) how depressing'. Now in part this would be true of any recurrent illness - or any illness - just getting a dose of the flu or breaking a bone etc. etc. would be depressing in the way we usually use the word. But with depression the problem is much deeper because being depressed (in the general sense) about the depression (in the specific sense) makes the depression worse (where it won't make the flu or broken bone worse). The problem is that I am not sure what one can do about this. I go into my coping strategies and try not to think about it - but I certainly wouldn't say this is especially successful :(. But it is probably better than it used to be. I do think that many years of talking about it and seeing it as an illness has helped a bit. But not all that much!

Hope this makes some sort of sense even if it doesn't help.

Nick.
 
B

Borderline

Guest
Depression doesn't make sense. It just is. It's an irrational illness. You could have everything under the stars and you could still feel like slitting your wrists.

That's why it does no good to try and talk someone out of depression. It's like trying to talk someone out of cancer. All you can do is comfort them.
 
N

Nutter_09

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 11, 2009
Messages
136
Location
Middlesex
Its just soo hard - life is so rubbish most of the time but when im with my boyf, it all makes sense. I just wish I could pull myself together for him.

Had counsellling today, had to start with a new woman. She was nice but may take a while to get used to her. She asked me about any suicide thoughts and It's really hard to talk about that. She tried to make me promise things but how can you do that??
 
nickh

nickh

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Feb 14, 2008
Messages
1,428
Location
Birmingham UK
I know it is hard to talk about but the fact that she was asking means she is competent :) - obviously the most important thing a new therapist has to worry about when they meet someone is whether the person is at risk. If she failed to do this she would be incompetent - she is responsible for your safety. It is really hard to talk about because I find that my feelings and thoughts can veer erratically. I don't know how much the promises thing works - I have made lots in my time and am still here so maybe a bit :D (sorry that's my peculiar Depression humour which is probably only funny in my head!). I would say try to be as honest as possible though I know how hard this is with a new therapist.

Nick.
 
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