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So fed up of worrying and feeling sad

J

JSB

Active member
Joined
Mar 20, 2019
Messages
28
Location
Lancaster
I feel fed up, just so fed up.

I had a date earlier this week, but unfortunately it didn't work out. She let me down gently, saying that she didn't see us as a good match, but wished me all the best. This led to my anxieties and sadness spiralling. From worrying about whether people actually like me to worrying if I will ever find someone. I try not to be too strict in who I am looking for, but I have values in people I am looking for, including kindness and curiosity. I want someone who i can have intellectual conversations with etc. She fit this, but unfortunately it wasn't to be. Now I am wondering if I'll ever find that special someone.

I keep reliving the bloomin' date itself. I realise it's futile and harmful, nothing can be done now. But I admit that I did let my nerves get the best of me during the date, and I think that has led to a melancholic and pointless wish that I could turn back time and not let the nerves get to me.

I wish I could just move on and let things go, but all I can think of is that there is no-one else like this for me. We'd been in touch since before Christmas and I feel like I have let myself build it up too much, which led to me feeling nervous and pressured to leave a good enough impression.

I don't want to feel like this any more. I just want to forget about it and to move on, but my brain won't let me. It just obsesses over the date, makes me feel like there's no-one else and this makes me feel like I am worthless.

I can't work any more, I have come to my parents for a couple of days because of it. I am sick of it, sick of the pointless melancholy and worrying. The rational part of my brain tells me what I need to do, and is sensible, but it keeps getting drowned out by the irrational sadness and wishing of how things could be different.
 
J

JSB

Active member
Joined
Mar 20, 2019
Messages
28
Location
Lancaster
Just so fed up. I can't get out of bed this morning, constant thoughts, constant battling with myself, attacking myself etc. Just wish it would end. I am so useless, I can't believe I've let this trivial thing cause so much pain and worry; I am so pathetic.
 
J

Johanna2019

Member
Joined
Jan 16, 2020
Messages
7
Location
Staffordshire
Hi, your post makes me feel like I am not alone. I feel exactly the same, I am constantly picking up worthless interactions and being let down. I hate being on my own, I am trying to like it but I will never want it. You are not pathetic at all, if you are then I am as well.
 
A

AL123

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Joined
Feb 3, 2019
Messages
100
Location
England
Hi JSB

I am sorry to hear your date didn't work out. I know it's only words, but you will find that special someone. I myself felt the exact same as you and never believed I would find someone. I didn't give up though no matter how much I wanted to and have found my special someone.

The nerves are totally normal. Don't let yourself think you ruined it for yourself. If you keep telling yourself I CAN move on from this and will move on then eventually it will happen. I can 100 % say your are NOT worthless and never will be! Nor are you useless or pathetic. During my battle I too stayed in bed and couldn't see any reason to get up and was saying all what you are to myself. There will be better days ahead I promise. There are people on here who are and always will be willing to listen and help you out.

How are you feeling at the moment?
 
A

AL123

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Joined
Feb 3, 2019
Messages
100
Location
England
Hi Johanna2019

You are not alone in feeling the way you do. You too are NOT pathetic. As I said to JSB there are people on here always willing to listen and help. You will find someone too :)
 
J

JSB

Active member
Joined
Mar 20, 2019
Messages
28
Location
Lancaster
Hi Al123,

I am feeling a bit better now that I have got up and got dressed. Thank-you for the kind words.

I just feel frustrated by it all. The same thoughts. I don't feel like I gave the best impression of myself, because the nerves got to me and I wasn't positive enough about myself. It may not have mattered, but it's bound to be irritating when you feel like you could have done better. I worry that I became too attached to someone's dating profile and now I worry that there will be no-one else suitable.

It has made me realise that I do want to be with someone, but I am at square one and I worry that I won't find anyone else who might be compatible.
 
J

Johanna2019

Member
Joined
Jan 16, 2020
Messages
7
Location
Staffordshire
Glad to hear you are feeling better JSB :) I have come to the conclusion I need to work on myself before trying to factor in someone else, I too try to force things sometimes, ignoring red flags but I am trying to see the best in people and see things that just are not there.
 
J

JSB

Active member
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Mar 20, 2019
Messages
28
Location
Lancaster
Thanks Johanna. It sounds like you have the right mentality, so that should be a credit to yourself. :)
 
P

PaleRider13

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Joined
Dec 7, 2019
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36
Location
United Kingdom
Hi,

Sorry to hear about the bad date. Sometimes things just don't work out, no matter what anyone would have done. What happened doesn't matter, what matters is your resolution as a result of that date. In your eyes it might seem as if you're back at square one, but I think there's more to learn from this experience.
Number 1: You now know definitely what you want to see in a partner. And knowing what qualities would essentially bring you happiness is no small feat.
Number 2: You know that what you seek exists. Where there is one, there are many. Singularities do not exist. I for one have no idea if what I'm looking for in a partner actually exists as I've never met anyone who has those qualities.

All in all my friend, yes it is regrettable that this occasion didn't work out. But it's not like you had total control over the situation so I wouldn't ruminate on it too much.

Dust yourself off. If you're tired, take a break! Your own health should come first. If you're suffering, everything around you suffers. Look after yourself.

All the best,
Pale
 
A

AL123

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Feb 3, 2019
Messages
100
Location
England
Hey JSB

How did your weekend go? Glad to hear you feeling bit better. It will be a frustrating period. Which is totally understandable. I was very very similar to yourself when I was looking for someone. I did become attached to a few, but I kept on looking and thankfully did find someone.
Trust me when I say there will be someone out there who is suitable for you :).
 
J

JSB

Active member
Joined
Mar 20, 2019
Messages
28
Location
Lancaster
Yeah, my friends did stuff with me, which helped. Though, it hasn't gone and I m feeling bad now. I can't motivate myself to go to bed again. Thankfully, I have contacted support at my university, so I should speak to someone there. Hopefully today.
 
A

AL123

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 3, 2019
Messages
100
Location
England
Hey JSB

Did you manage to speak to someone at your uni? Hope your feeling bit better today.
 
J

JSB

Active member
Joined
Mar 20, 2019
Messages
28
Location
Lancaster
Sorry for the late response, it's been a busy week. I did and have been referred for further help.

I have been continuing to feel better, on the whole. However, I saw her today in town and we said hi, but it got me anxious again to some extent. I realise it might be awkward for her too, but it gets the worries going over how she must think I'm such a fool.
 
K

KeyTrio

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Joined
Jan 11, 2020
Messages
26
Location
England
JSB, I am sorry to hear you are struggling.

First off, you are not pathetic. You are HUMAN. The feelings you’re having right now are I’d say very normal and understandable. I doubt most people would read your predicament and think “he’s acting so stupid!”, but rather the opposite.

Do you mind telling me/us how old you are?

I’ve been in situations where I just think “I’m NEVER EVER going to get past this and move on, it’s just IMPOSSIBLE!”- I would say most people have. But you will, speaking from someone who has had these thoughts, trust me. You will.

It has took me a long time to do this, but I have been practicing to “go with the flow” of life and let whatever happens, happen. Even if at the time it feels truly awful, they’ll be a lesson in it somewhere along the way, and you will grow. It’s what life is all about; growing, learning, and experiences (good or bad).

You ARE worthy and I love you.
 
J

JSB

Active member
Joined
Mar 20, 2019
Messages
28
Location
Lancaster
Thank-you for the kind comments. I just worry if I did something that made me appear bad or creepy. That coupled with worries over not finding someone compatible to me has caused this.

I have just turned 27.
 
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