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So down and need to know the world is real!

M

madsheep

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 11, 2009
Messages
607
Location
Bedfordshire
I have no idea what to write here really. I just dont feel real any more. Its like I am in a little bubble, and the world is real and I am just looking in on everything.
I had an argument with my best friend last week and since then things have been dodgy. Finally decided to confide in my doesnt-really-listen, dippy care coordinator (or whatever her title is) and was told I overreacted and took the situation too personally.
I cant loose weight no matter what I do.
I feel like cutting my arms open and running around the house so that they will lock me away for a bit just so that I can see that there are people worse off than me. Does that sound wrong? Last time I stayed in hospital thats what got me 'sane' so quickly... seeing all the people that were worse than me and thinking that actually I can handle the real world.
And I recently moved to a different county. Was told that it could take several months for them to 'swap teams'. Instead I have to get someone to come and collect me and drive for AN HOUR to go and see a woman who is completely useless! I hate strangers, but not too thrilled with that woman thats supposed to be in charge of me so cant wait to leave. I really want more help. You know, someone to come round and see how I am. So when I feel like SHing someone can say 'hey you dont wanna do that'...
This rant is pointless.
Is anything actually real?
I cant go outside, and yet sometimes I lie in bed (cant really sleep at night) and think... wouldnt it be so easy just to go for a walk and see how far I can get before anyone notices that something is wrong?
I know thats really mean to my fiance. I love him to pieces and he loves me. He would do anything for me, including taking the day off 'sick' jsut to make sure I dont do anything stupid. But right now I want to.

BTW I have Borderline Personality Disorder. Everytime I go to my psych doc with some new horrid thing that is happening, like the 'social agoraphobia' he acts like he was almost expecting it. Makes me so depressed. Why cant he just be surprised at something I say, or take action when I threaten to jump from a sky scraper or something. (sorry that was a bit graphic, you can edit it out if you want).

I just want to feel real!!

Sorry. Dont really mind if anyone replies or not. No one can help anyway :(
 
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poptarts21

Active member
Joined
Feb 14, 2010
Messages
27
Location
East Midlands
I know the feeling of feeling like the worlds not real, and your not real, i had it a few years ago, got over it. theres been several things since that bug me and play on my mind, and now i have this feeling again, because something is constantly on my mind, and its like i cant concentrate on life, feels like it is passing me by!
 
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