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So does any one else experience this in mania.

Hello513

Hello513

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The doctors after eight years of this are still not sure of my diagnoses. They seem to have ruled out schizophrenia despite that being one of my previous diagnoses.

They however are conflicted between major depresion, and bipolar. They are leaning bipolar, and addressed my skepticism of the diagnoses the following way. They told me not everyone experiences mania the same way. When I told them I had never experienced the feeling of intense euphoria and invincibility I associated with mania that others can express it differently.

Namely in the form of irritability and anger, and I am forced to admit at times I can swing from intense anger to very deep depresion. Confronted with this I am forced to admit I may be bipolar experiencing a type of atypical mania.

The reason they are not sure of this diagnoses is because I have consumed large quantities of alchohol over the years, and alchohol can mimic the effects of bipolar.

So they put me on a medication regimen effective against major depresion and bipolar.
 
JessisMe

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I experience agitation with mania but not anger. I read somewhere that anger in mania can be more typical in men and agitation more typical for women. If you have no other symptoms for the mania I would be surprised that they are looking at Bipolar for you but that is up to them to work out amongst themselves. xo, j
 
Hello513

Hello513

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I experience agitation with mania but not anger. I read somewhere that anger in mania can be more typical in men and agitation more typical for women. If you have no other symptoms for the mania I would be surprised that they are looking at Bipolar for you but that is up to them to work out amongst themselves. xo, j
Ya its basically just anger and irritability, but I am male so that may be a factor in their decision. As I said they are leaning that way, and the doctor told me they may change my diagnoses in the future.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Ya its basically just anger and irritability, but I am male so that may be a factor in their decision. As I said they are leaning that way, and the doctor told me they may change my diagnoses in the future.
I would never have guessed that you are male.
 
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Failing Heart

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The doctors after eight years of this are still not sure of my diagnoses. They seem to have ruled out schizophrenia despite that being one of my previous diagnoses.

They however are conflicted between major depresion, and bipolar. They are leaning bipolar, and addressed my skepticism of the diagnoses the following way. They told me not everyone experiences mania the same way. When I told them I had never experienced the feeling of intense euphoria and invincibility I associated with mania that others can express it differently.

Namely in the form of irritability and anger, and I am forced to admit at times I can swing from intense anger to very deep depresion. Confronted with this I am forced to admit I may be bipolar experiencing a type of atypical mania.

The reason they are not sure of this diagnoses is because I have consumed large quantities of alchohol over the years, and alchohol can mimic the effects of bipolar.

So they put me on a medication regimen effective against major depresion and bipolar.
I haven’t been on this forum in quite some time… Seems serendipitous reading your post. I am bipolar 2 with ADHD and some borderline symptoms as well. I’m going through a bit of a down spiral. I finally found a mood stabilizer that seems to level me out enough for me to learn skills...but I have that ADHD combo so I easily forget my meds (especially if my routine changes-I just moved) and I jumped down my boyfriends throat the other day. Does anyone else experience so much anger and rage over things that are seemingly small and insignificant to others? I always feel defensive and it hurts me so much to feel attacked. I never hit or throw anything but I feel like the hulk on the inside. Part of me is SO tired of apologizing for how I feel, and when I come down from that hypo-manic state...I feel guilty and wrong and like I’ll never be right even with meds. My bf is so sweet and does so much to help me and is generally very understanding...I feel like I bring nothing but trouble to his life and I don’t know why he puts up with me. He is a great guy and could be with anyone. I often feel that no one understands me and there is no good way to explain how awful it is to be this awful. I wonder if I will ever change and if I’m capable of it. I wonder if life would be happier for me if I was alone and didn’t have anyone to disappoint and hurt. Would it be better to accept this is who I am and just try to find a full life based on acceptance of my limits instead of always trying to make myself Into something/someone I will never be able to become?
 
Hello513

Hello513

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I haven’t been on this forum in quite some time… Seems serendipitous reading your post. I am bipolar 2 with ADHD and some borderline symptoms as well. I’m going through a bit of a down spiral. I finally found a mood stabilizer that seems to level me out enough for me to learn skills...but I have that ADHD combo so I easily forget my meds (especially if my routine changes-I just moved) and I jumped down my boyfriends throat the other day. Does anyone else experience so much anger and rage over things that are seemingly small and insignificant to others? I always feel defensive and it hurts me so much to feel attacked. I never hit or throw anything but I feel like the hulk on the inside. Part of me is SO tired of apologizing for how I feel, and when I come down from that hypo-manic state...I feel guilty and wrong and like I’ll never be right even with meds. My bf is so sweet and does so much to help me and is generally very understanding...I feel like I bring nothing but trouble to his life and I don’t know why he puts up with me. He is a great guy and could be with anyone. I often feel that no one understands me and there is no good way to explain how awful it is to be this awful. I wonder if I will ever change and if I’m capable of it. I wonder if life would be happier for me if I was alone and didn’t have anyone to disappoint and hurt. Would it be better to accept this is who I am and just try to find a full life based on acceptance of my limits instead of always trying to make myself Into something/someone I will never be able to become?
Clearly your boyfriend sees something in you, that you yourself do not see. I too am guilty of this at times warped self perspective due to my mental illness. Maybe ask him what he sees in you, and take his answer seriously.
 
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Failing Heart

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Clearly your boyfriend sees something in you, that you yourself do not see. I too am guilty of this at times warped self perspective due to my mental illness. Maybe ask him what he sees in you, and take his answer seriously.
He sometimes can’t answer but always assures me his life is better with me in it. I am just always waiting for the other shoe to drop....I’m sure one day he will get sick of it always being like this. It has happened before with other men and understandably. I hate hurting him and feel he deserves better than what im capable of.
 
Hello513

Hello513

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He sometimes can’t answer but always assures me his life is better with me in it. I am just always waiting for the other shoe to drop....I’m sure one day he will get sick of it always being like this. It has happened before with other men and understandably. I hate hurting him and feel he deserves better than what im capable of.
Do you see a therapist. I find therapists wonderfull both in terms of helping me mentally, but also in terms of helping me get a more realistic perspective. Perhaps your perspective is overly negative due to your mental health. I know I am guilty of that.
 
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Failing Heart

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Do you see a therapist. I find therapists wonderfull both in terms of helping me mentally, but also in terms of helping me get a more realistic perspective. Perhaps your perspective is overly negative due to your mental health. I know I am guilty of that.
I have been seeing someone for a year and she has definitely helped me but not in the way I am so desperate for help. I have got to control my anger or I am definitely going to drive my partner away. I usually try and give myself grace but I stop when I can tell I’ve hurt him. Completely agree that this will turn around when I come out of this but I feel selfish to brush it off as a bad day when my actions effect him. It’s not fair to be “exempt” when I forget meds or have a bad day. I just don’t know if I can stop...meds will only get me so far. My therapist and I have been working on DBT but I am easily frustrated by the process. I find it hard to even wrap my brain around allowing myself to feel the emotion without the reaction. Thank you for your support btw.
 
Hello513

Hello513

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I have been seeing someone for a year and she has definitely helped me but not in the way I am so desperate for help. I have got to control my anger or I am definitely going to drive my partner away. I usually try and give myself grace but I stop when I can tell I’ve hurt him. Completely agree that this will turn around when I come out of this but I feel selfish to brush it off as a bad day when my actions effect him. It’s not fair to be “exempt” when I forget meds or have a bad day. I just don’t know if I can stop...meds will only get me so far. My therapist and I have been working on DBT but I am easily frustrated by the process. I find it hard to even wrap my brain around allowing myself to feel the emotion without the reaction. Thank you for your support btw.
You do not need to exempt yourself from your own actions in order to develop a more healthy perspective. Everyone mentally ill or not lets their temper get the best of them at times. The only thing you can do is focus on what you may or may not have done wrong, and work to fix it. Prart of this fix may be forgiving yourself so your anger at yourself does not bubble over into more anger in the future, but I understand I have been in similar situations.
 
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Failing Heart

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You do not need to exempt yourself from your own actions in order to develop a more healthy perspective. Everyone mentally ill or not lets their temper get the best of them at times. The only thing you can do is focus on what you may or may not have done wrong, and work to fix it. Prart of this fix may be forgiving yourself so your anger at yourself does not bubble over into more anger in the future, but I understand I have been in similar situations.
I think I have some emotional trauma from childhood...it makes me resentful for apologizing for my feelings (or outbursts that happen bc I feel so intensely). I’m not sure I could begin to comprehend how to forgive myself when this happens...I think I hate myself more each time it happens. I went ahead and made a therapy appt for Tuesday...lots of work to be done still.
 
Hello513

Hello513

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I think I have some emotional trauma from childhood...it makes me resentful for apologizing for my feelings (or outbursts that happen bc I feel so intensely). I’m not sure I could begin to comprehend how to forgive myself when this happens...I think I hate myself more each time it happens. I went ahead and made a therapy appt for Tuesday...lots of work to be done still.
Ya I too think I have emotional trauma from childhood. My father would hit me frequently, break my possesions, and I was frequently bullied. It wasn't until I hit puberty later in life than most of my peers I seemed to start fitting in anywhere, but then my mental illness came and that went out the window so I had to go through a whole new type of soul searching to be comfortable with myself again still in progress.
 
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Failing Heart

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Ya I too think I have emotional trauma from childhood. My father would hit me frequently, break my possesions, and I was frequently bullied. It wasn't until I hit puberty later in life than most of my peers I seemed to start fitting in anywhere, but then my mental illness came and that went out the window so I had to go through a whole new type of soul searching to be comfortable with myself again still in progress.
I am sorry to hear that...fitting in and avoiding “mean girls” is my MO so I can relate. I had a pretty picture perfect childhood but years of being told “if you are mean no one will want to be your friend” and “be nice!”, “stop over reacting”... the list goes on but you get the idea. I just started stuffing down every emotion I had around 6th grade. Of course there is only so long you can do that before you explode. I still seem to have a talent for finding people that are just bullies. I’ll never understand the motivation to be mean Instead of kind when it takes the same amount of effort.
 
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