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So depressed I cried

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Awasteofskin

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Joined
Sep 15, 2019
Messages
64
Location
USA
I broke down and cried like the weak little bitch I am.

I can't handle my reailty of being a loser. No one will ever love me and they shouldn't. Why even bother with my ugly fatass?

No one will ever want to be around me for me. They think I'm weird and raunchy and gross.

I don't have anything good to say about the worthless waste of space that is me. I will never have anything good and nothing will go my way because life hates me and that's just the way it is.

I stay up late and can't sleep because I spend most of my day working a shit job and get no real time for myself anyways.

I'm trapped in this meaningless bullshit existence that's a constant cycle of work and get high and drunk and maybe a couple hours of sleep. Or even sneak getting high and drunk at work depending on if the management is watching or not.

However if I get the chance I also cry myself to sleep if my mind allows to get it. If not I just blackout or panic about the next problem.

Anyone else here cry?
 
ReverieAnxiety

ReverieAnxiety

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Joined
Feb 3, 2019
Messages
427
Location
California, USA
Hi Awasteofskin!

Lately, I've been crying a lot. You get to that point in life where you expect everything to get better now, but then you run into one problem after the next, and then you're just tired. I'm so sorry that you feel badly about yourself. I've been feeling bad about myself for a long time and I'm trying to work on that now. Just know that you are not alone in your experience and that you deserve a great life even if you don't believe it.
 
megirl

megirl

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Apr 9, 2010
Messages
7,260
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NZ
Hey no you are not a waste of space.
It shows a lot of strength that you've joined the forum, that's a great place to.start. And you have a job, I know what its like to have a shitty job but you have one so well done
There is clearly a reason.why you are drinking or taking drugs. Its not because you are a loser and we can support you
 
megirl

megirl

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Apr 9, 2010
Messages
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Crying can actually be a hard thing to do. Its taken.a.long time to get to this point x
I was taught not to cry that I was weak etc.
Crying is actually therapeutic when you learn its an acceptable thing to do
 
A

Awasteofskin

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 15, 2019
Messages
64
Location
USA
Hey no you are not a waste of space.
It shows a lot of strength that you've joined the forum, that's a great place to.start. And you have a job, I know what its like to have a shitty job but you have one so well done
There is clearly a reason.why you are drinking or taking drugs. Its not because you are a loser and we can support you
To be honest I hard a time acceptabing help because in my childhood no one ever believed in me and I still carry those demons so I see acceptabing help as a sign of weakness.

I'm one of those closet depressed people at work and in public I try not to talk about it. I try to put on a front of being a badass because I truly do have a high physical pain tolerance but I'm emotionally weak.

Punch me in the face I can take the pain but, emotionally I can't take the mental pain. I was taught to be a man and not show weakness no matter what. I cry alone and make sure no one knows about it.

I've been burned, stabbed, beat up, scraped up, broke my back and all but none of it hurts near as much as the emotions.
 
megirl

megirl

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Apr 9, 2010
Messages
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There's always a reason somewhere for the emotional hurt and pain.
Physical pain I broke my arm it didn't bother me at all
Emotional, or mental pain is cruel depression is horrible it can be so debilitating its horrid.
Help is out there
Being here is a start. Have you seem a GP
 
A

Awasteofskin

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 15, 2019
Messages
64
Location
USA
There's always a reason somewhere for the emotional hurt and pain.
Physical pain I broke my arm it didn't bother me at all
Emotional, or mental pain is cruel depression is horrible it can be so debilitating its horrid.
Help is out there
Being here is a start. Have you seem a GP
No I'd have to get a day off to and I don't take days off because I need the money and seeing one would put me in debt possibly.
 
I

indigo6

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Joined
Jan 30, 2019
Messages
537
Location
UK
Crying is essential. Accompanies depression (sometimes not-dont know which is worse). Releases pain. Lets u get things out.Nothing wrong with crying at all.
Id worry if I didnt cry. Body cant help it x
 
megirl

megirl

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Location
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Maybe you just need to put your health first. What's the point of working if nothing is making you happy.
 
megirl

megirl

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One of my issues was I've done well mental health wise but I couldn't move on the reason.was I wouldn't let my guard down
 
A

Awasteofskin

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Joined
Sep 15, 2019
Messages
64
Location
USA
Maybe you just need to put your health first. What's the point of working if nothing is making you happy.
I don't even what real happiness feels like anymore.

However I have to work to pay for food and put a rented roof over my head and this internet connection and alcohol and drugs and I barely get to spend time under this roof because death is frowned upon by my family and most people.

I'm considering running away one day and becoming a hermit if I can seize the opportunity to go missing.

I have a deep seeded hatred for the government and society and authority as a lot of the mentally ill do.
 
megirl

megirl

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Apr 9, 2010
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Sorry I don't know what the health system is like over there. Can't you see a GP ?
And you say death is frowned apon what do you mean
 
A

Awasteofskin

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 15, 2019
Messages
64
Location
USA
Sorry I don't know what the health system is like over there. Can't you see a GP ?
And you say death is frowned apon what do you mean
Death meaning suicide. I personally don't see anything against it and think about it sometimes.

Anyways so in America the heathcare system is owned by capitalistic insurance companies with red tape to get around to even see doctors. It's because help is seen as a product like shoes or underwear here and is a luxury instead of a right like in most of the developed world. We have a bullshit healthcare system. We don't need get anymore political than that.

There's a reason mental illness is a huge problem here. It's because we have to suffer burnout and save up money to even get help. Then most of us go into debt to even get said help.
 
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indigo6

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Jan 30, 2019
Messages
537
Location
UK
Death meaning suicide. I personally don't see anything against it and think about it sometimes.

There's a reason mental illness is a huge problem here. It's because we have to suffer burnout and save up money to even get help. Then most of us go into debt to even get said help.
See how its not your fault. Its not some failing, its a reaction. You will think about it, dream of getting away from your messy countrys shortcomings but aint worth you not being here.

Can only say if you can change something try. If you can improve, enhance your wellbeing try. Dont put it all on your shoulders, you r not to blame :hug: but u r understood and not alone in ur thinking.
 
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