so confused

[yytthh]

i dont know where to start here. so ill start with right now. im sitting here drinking bottles of cider and popping pills called Insidon.
Ive been crying all day and i dont know why.
yesterday my doctor referred me to a psychiatrist.
ive felt this way for years and im sure its more than just depression.
I wanna die because i just feel so pointless and helpless. i just feel i have no control over my life and no-one understands me.
some days im okay though.. and i dont feel depressed.. then i get days like this where i feel i just cant go on. i drink and self-medicate to make myself feel better. I know it can be dangerous but i just dont care.
I also self-harm.
All this has been going on since I was 13.. Im now 20.. and Im starting to wonder if I have something deeper than depression.. like BPD for example.
Does anybody have any advice they can give me? I dont know what to do.

 

[ms_P]

I replied to you in the Personality Disorder forum.
You've got your referal to a psychiatrist, which is very good and the right way to go.
I hope you can find the strength right now to stop self-destructing and start planning what you would like to get out of your sessions with your new pdoc. I always found it helpful to write things down.
Good luck!

 

[Nutter_09]

hi,
I do hope you are okay today,
I too feel the same, okay some days then suicidal on others. I also feel like no one understands which is soo frustrating.
Do you have any couselling? I personally think this is the best thing for me. Meds have not worked and neither has drinking or suicide attempts.
What about family/friends?? Are they supportive?

 

[Apotheosis]

Welcome to the site yytthh , Hope that you get the help & support that you need, & can find some healing.