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So close

Lincoln1990

Lincoln1990

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Jan 18, 2013
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I was so close multiple times tonight to killing myself. I can't say much else of means but it would have meant I would be dead. It would almost had guaranteed I would be. I wish I had done it.

I'm done. Done fighting
 
life2live

life2live

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Glad you didn't Lincoln1990 , hang in there you never know whats round the corner in life.
 
Lincoln1990

Lincoln1990

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In 5 states (not mine though) there's a death with dignity law. Where doctors can safely give you drugs and dosages to kill yourself IF you have a terminal illness. Why isn't that law in my state? And why doesn't that pertain to people with mental illnesses? My mental illness is terminal. I won't ever get better. So why can't that pertain to me? So I could get everyone's blessing to die. I'm never getting better. And terminal means it'll kill you. Well my mental illness will eventually kill me by me killing myself.

I don't undwrsrand. Technically suicide in my state (and others I believe) is against the law. If you attempt it you are attempting murder. Now most police won't arrest you for it (however they will put you on a psych hold for at least 72 hours, but my experience is the shortest Ive been in hospital is 2 weeks). So why can those with a "terminal" illness commit suicide with everyone's blessing but not someone with a mental illness?
 
life2live

life2live

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Everyone loves you on here Lincoln does that not count for something? Maybe you don't realise how much people care for you in your real life as well? Mental Illness is a lifetime sentence as I've found out and as depressing as it sometimes is life can hold some wonderful cards up its sleeve as well. Be a shame if you missed them.
 
Lincoln1990

Lincoln1990

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Jan 18, 2013
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I understand what you're saying. I really do

I keep getting abused. I feel like I will be the way I am until I get away from him. Plus my brother went back to university. And I don't know when I will see him again. My job sucks. It pays that's the only good that comes from it.

I know my dogs love me though.
 
Lincoln1990

Lincoln1990

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Jan 18, 2013
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I'm going to sleep on it. If I still feel the way I do I will see what Sue suggests. But i won't go back to the hospital. That's where I draw the line.

I'm going days without sleep. Hopefully my new med will allow me to sleep
 
life2live

life2live

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Yeah you definitely need that person out of your life so they don't drag you down. Most peoples jobs suck, but think of it as temporary till you can progress. What dogs do you have, I have a fantastically stupid but loveable oversized golden retriever and a husky cross thats super intelligent.
 
Lincoln1990

Lincoln1990

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Jan 18, 2013
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I have four. One red lab who is 12 and female. A male chihuahua Daschund who is 9 and black. One male who is a red chihuahua Rhodesian Ridgeback who is 2. And our puppy who is 5 months old, he's brownish red and is male. He's a longhair so he doesn't shed much but we have to trim him lots.

He used to sleep with me but I would keep him up all night with me tossing and turning so he sleeps with my other brother.

I have three brothers. A 21, 13 (almost 14) and 11 (almost 12) year old brothers. The two older ones are way taller than me (I'm 4'10") and then the 11 year old is only 3 inches shorter than me.
 
M

mixedbipolar

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Jan 23, 2015
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I know that it is really difficult when we are so ill and we feel that we are never going to get better. I thought that too, but I have been free of symptoms for over a year now. (that's the last time I was discharged from hospital my breakdown lasted 2 years).

Life is so precious. Try to hold on. I know that its hard; but if you give up then that's it forever. I'll remember you in my prayers.
 
Lincoln1990

Lincoln1990

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Jan 18, 2013
Messages
10,131
My breakdown lasted two and a half years and I'm still having issues. I need to get over this. I need to be better

Going to bed. Hopefully I can sleep with Depakote. Huge pills...
 
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