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So apparently I'm hard work

S

spanner

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Feb 5, 2012
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I've been avoiding my 'friends' for ages now, none of them understand mental health and they're perfectly happy getting on with life. One of my friends asks me how I am, if I hint about how crap i'm feeling, she ignores me.

So last saturday it was someones birthday. I missed her 30th last year so I thought I better go out for a meal. I'm ok when talking 1:1 with people but feel that everything I say in a group is stupid or embarassing. One person made a comment about me being hard work to which I replied - at least I only come out twice a year. Silence. We all went out after for drinks - I made it as far as the pub but became overwhelmed with anxiety, made my excuses and left.

The problem is the longer I hibernate for, the guiltier I feel for not contacting people. I'm constantly fighting the idea that if I have no friends, no one will miss me if I die. I'm starting group CFT soon and even the thought makes my throat tighten, how on earth am I going to cope with opening up in a group?

Apologies for rambling

from a stuck spanner :low:
 
BlueBerry

BlueBerry

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Oh this sounds familiar!

My former "friends" could clearly see something was wrong with me, but they made no effort to understand it. They never even asked me if something was the matter. Instead they all preferred calling me a weirdo and a nutjob behind my back and avoiding me while still trying to pretend we were good friends to my face.

Well, f**k them. I struggle with loneliness a great deal but I feel like I'm actually still better off than hanging around backstabbers I once loved and thought I could trust. Its just too painful to deal with betrayal.

Spanner, you should maybe talk to your friends about how you've been feeling and how you feel around them. If they're real friends who are worth your time then they'll listen and try to understand. If they're like mine and they avoid you or don't care what you're going through, then to hell with them, they don't deserve your company.
 
Toasted Crumpet

Toasted Crumpet

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Hopefully the group will be easier for you as there will be people who understand.

I am not sure I would consider the people you hang out with as friends if that is their attitude frankly but I agree with BlueBerry, if you talk to them and they are real friends they will try and understand even if it's something they are not familiar with themselves.

I too have had this sort of thing, I prefer being a lone wolf than having people who don't get it but that's just me.
 
S

spanner

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thanks for the replies

I guess i'm scared that if i tell them and they react badly, it will stop any kind of social life unless i visit a couple of friends in other cities. But then I hate going out anyway so I've basically answered my own problem! Hopefully they will abandon me and then I can live basically to go to work and hibernate for the rest of the week :)
 
Toasted Crumpet

Toasted Crumpet

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depends whether you would be happier doing that or not. Some people are introverts and are ok with their own company, some people even though they feel anxious around others would rather spend time with them than alone.
 
K

Katss

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Unfortunately people are cruel, they see weakness and go for the juggler, it is survival of the fittest, or the fastest, its like nature without the nurture. On a positive note all people have weak spots or things that send them into a spin, even if it does not look like it. Unless they are complete sociopaths, and then its different territory, they are just totally nuts.

Did someone really say to your face you were hard work? What I mean is, while you are worrying about one thing, someone else at the table is panicking about a completely different issue, and probably thinks people are saying stuff about them? Really, its true.

No one ever 'get's' anyone, they carn't be arsed, they have enough difficulty being and getting themselves, why do you think there are so many therapists and CBT around? No one gives a shit, simple. Its a case of keep up and if you cannot, don't get involved. Choose your battles.

Sorry If it sounds tough it is. That is why its called being mental. When you know and stop thinking that people are nice its easier. I went to the bar the other night and bought a round for some people I hardly knew to be 'nice' and ease the social atmosphere, did anyone buy me a drink back? Did they shite, moral of the tale don't be nice. Funny thing is am usually not, it was a choice a strange one, this is the ting though I now know I did not put a foot wrong, my good pal knows too, apart from that know, most people are just flawed and fairly dozy idiots.

And no one is paying any freaking attention to you or anyone else? When you know that its pretty OK really, everyone thinks everything is about themselves.

katss
 
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porkpie

porkpie

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I always go by the assumption that people are generally good so long as they don't have to leave their comfort zone.
 
K

Katss

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I always go by the assumption that people are generally good so long as they don't have to leave their comfort zone.
Exactly. and never leaving ones comfort zone is never good, hang with people who do, leave the comfort zone, often they are the ones who are OK, the stay in the zone zoners are to be forever feared.

katss
 
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