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So angry and afraid

Nightgrind

Nightgrind

Active member
Joined
Oct 13, 2015
Messages
34
Location
England
Im alone in this flat. I just had a panic attack, then i kicked the table over and threw some stuff around. I dont know why and im ashamed when i get angry and aggressive like that but I only do it when no one else is around.

I feel so unstable I had a panic attack in town earlier because there were so many people round, came home and boyfriend has gone out, he came back for a bit and it reassured me but then he was going to stay at a mates and left and i had a panic attack the minute the door closed.

Why cant i just be alone and deal with it? I know its because im jealous because hes not here with me when im so unstable, why? Im not going to sleep now because im going to be spinning aroun in my head and everytime i turn off the light i get so terrified like a little kid having nightmares (my nightmares are pretty horrific)

I just wish i had someone here, or just someone to talk to, or even a cat to sit next to me i feel so scared and alone
 
Unique1

Unique1

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2015
Messages
8,765
Location
UK
I'm really sorry about how you feel right now.

Not nice feeling alone, and worse when you can't sleep.
I really hope you feel better soon. And you can fall asleep, when I'm tired everything is so much worse.

I'm wishing you well
Unique x
 
Nightgrind

Nightgrind

Active member
Joined
Oct 13, 2015
Messages
34
Location
England
Thank you. I feel a lot better after I've just sat down and breathed for a while.
I get very frustrated and I know I get jealous when my boyfriend is away, I think it's because I'm often too scared to go out, I get jealous when he goes out because I have to be alone. But I know it's completely not fair to expect him to stay in and be scared with me, we shouldn't both have to suffer that!

So I get angry with him for going out, angry with myself for wanting him to stay.

I'm going to try and put on a nice silly movie and try not to think too much about things.
 
Unique1

Unique1

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2015
Messages
8,765
Location
UK
Hiya.

It's really good you recognise what makes you feel how you do.
It helps to manage it, which is what your doing ..
I know it don't feel like it, but time goes so fast too :)
I'm so glad you can watch a funny movie, maybe fall asleep
And it will be morning..
Unique x
 
M

misssadness

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Aug 3, 2015
Messages
1,995
Nightgrind, I am sorry you had such a bad night. My boyfriend has a lot of friends and is very sociable so I know how you feel being home alone. It makes me feel so lonely and pathetic for not having any friends of my own. I try to distract myself as much as possible and have some hobbies I can do at home. I colour, sew and listen to the radio. I hope you can find some things to distract yourself with. :hug:
 
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