slowly gaining ...

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sallimae76

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#21
I moved across country from NY to Arizona to take this job in May. I thought that I needed a change of scenery, but what I really need is a different industry. If I quit, I will be rolling the dice to see if I get anything before my savings runs out. I don't think it is possible to volunteer in the industry. They will have to take me because I have experience being an Resident Advisor as a student, and because of my conflict resolution skills as an attorney.
 
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Zoe1

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#22
thing is when I feel suicidal
I try to make use of that in a ' nothing left to lose ' way
its worth taking the risk
to get what I want

thats how I came to go paragliding
it was terrifying, but I thought to myself ' do I want to be here anyway '
and then I flew !

x x x
 
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sallimae76

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#23
I used to be an adventurer. I used to go white water rafting when I lived in Colorado. Hang gliding is on my bucket list. Is that like paragliding?
 
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Zoe1

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#24
wow , and your not very old yet either ...
im not sure I would go rafting or hang gliding
because it involves a lot of concentration

whereas with paragliding I had an instructor in charge
like when we flew over a cliff last year

I also think hang gliding sounds more scary !

but each to their own
some people like scary fun fair rides
ive done some of those, I'm not going again !

x x x
 
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sallimae76

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#25
I hope I get my adventurous spirit back. The next place I move to, I hope I will make friends that enjoy camping frequently.
 
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Zoe1

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#26
oh yes ive done loads of camping !
I used to go the green camps
where we did tree hugging and other alternative workshops
drumming and stuff

that was before I started paragliding

x x x
 
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sallimae76

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#27
Zoe, thank you for talking to me. I'm not going to be able to write anymore tonight because of these voices. The invisible maker of this world thinks I'm a toy and repeats "I'm an ape" "burn" "I can't believe it" and "I'm mad" to me thousands of times per day. He is a misogynist that sickens me. We women need to become Gods.
 
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Zoe1

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#28
k Sally thanks

I think these voices are some kind of a defence
against what happened
like I keep thinking I need so shower again
when have already showered

try to write down the opposite
e.g. I am human

lets pick it up again tomorrow then

blessings for the night x x x
 
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sallimae76

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#29
Zoe,

I just need for you to give me the benefit of the doubt that I know what is going on in my life. It is the maker. He has revealed himself to me many times. Family members and strangers have commented on seeing me do things or say things to others in my private time. He can't deal with the fact that he attempted to sexually abuse me, can't deal with my celibacy and heterosexuality. The creation is more righteous than the creator.
 
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Zoe1

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#30
hi Salli , yes OK then I believe that is happening for you

hmmm maybe that is happening to me as well
I had not thought of it like that
why I keep thinking I need to wash

maybe tomorrow I will tell you what happened to me in the past

will you be able to get any sleep ?

x x x
 
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sallimae76

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#31
Yes, fortunately, I can sleep over it, and it is not as loud as it use to be.
 
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Zoe1

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#32
k great, I slept fine as well !
I was puzzled for a bit
about the idea that God makes bad things happen
as I dont think that is happening to me

but I agree that is happening to you

and does it help to take your mind off it ? x x x
 
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sallimae76

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#33
I think God is a misogynist male that has a problem with women who don't give it up. The voices tell me to "burn" and one time on a message board I wrote there are no good men and the response was "burn", not a coincidence. He has called me a witch before also. Slept okay.
 
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Zoe1

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#34
k I think my God just doesnt intervene much in human affairs
I dont really know, I dont think about it all that much
I'm sorry that yours has such a punitive attitude
and its understandable now how you explain it
why its like that for you
that he has made these bad things happen

do you not believe in Goddesses as well
I like the ones from India with lots of hands
and several elephant trunks

how did your day go ? x x x
 
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sallimae76

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#35
Day just started. Had to go to court with a client. We got a minor victory. I have severe menstrual cramps today.

As far as your thoughts on God...I think that he plays both sides, good and bad. I can only go by my personal experience. If he isn't the one telling me to "burn" he has given others dominion over me to tell me to "burn". I don't care much for him. I think he is male, and flawed, and I think that women were born better.
 
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Zoe1

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#36
well done you sound like an awesome lawyer !
and with all your pains going on !

I believe there are already some Goddesses in existence
maybe you can find some nice ones

I believe they only intervene in our suffering
if we beg and plead to them

x x x
 
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sallimae76

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#37
I am a good lawyer depending upon what I am working on. It was a minor victory, just delaying the inevitable bad result for the client, we were able to delay it on a technicality, and the plaintiff has to re-file the complaint against her.

On another note, this voice that I hear thinks that I have to be his burden bearer, or that he has dominion over me. Constantly says "I'm an ape" or tells me to "burn". I have had people in my material life tell me to "burn" namely my sister. A self-proclaimed aethiest yet she told me that our niece is written in the book of life (from the Book of Revelation), and she also wanted me to believe that I was going crazy by telling me that our father was "John the Baptiste". She has also repeated conversations I have had privately with other people, and things she has seen me do in private. At one time, her voice was among one that I use to hear, but now it is just one guy that remains. I believe it is my brother-in-law, who I believe is Satan or a demon, one of his many human forms.
 
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Zoe1

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#38
well you sound like a great lawyer to me !

your family sounds like something from cult ritual abuse
and I believe all that you have told me

I understand that you have no contact with them these days
which is probably for the best
so that you can experience people loving and caring for you

x x x
 
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sallimae76

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#39
One of the voices that I recognized as another sister, told me, "We don't like human women, but we know that we need them." I believe that this God has allowed supernatural creatures to do things to humans, and that he does not protect us because he thinks we are beneath him. He calls it a test to justify it in his mind. I had "other preschoolers" (I believe supernatural demons or other creatures in human form), experimenting on me as early as age 3. Other preschoolers touched my genitals on the school bus. I know that myself as a three year old, I did not have a concept of genitals, so as an adult, looking back, I don't believe those "children" were human children.
 
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Zoe1

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#40
well no they dont sound very human
I think once we get abused by one person
we seem to get it from other people or creatures
that can see we are vulnerable

x x x