slowly gaining ...

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Zoe1

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#1
Im not sure I actually binge
I'm just eating slightly too much , so that the weight is going up
this often happens in the summer
because I dont want to give up the winter comfort food

I seem to gain height when I gain weight

lots of issues I'm sure involved
including a past of violent relationships
where probably I have made myself bigger unconsciously on purpose

and an addict brother I'm expected to attend to
all of which I feel I cant do
if I'm a delicate little flower !

x x x
 
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goodgollymiss

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#2
I am gaining because people keep getting me chocolate,!
 
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Zoe1

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#3
thankyou good golly
I have had people giving me sweets
my aunt used to come over with huge bags of biscuits and sweets
enough to really put you off eating them !

ive asked people not to give me food as a present
I would rather have some painted stationary
for writing snail mails with

x x x Zoe
 
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sallimae76

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#4
I overeat and don't eat well, but I'm not sure I want that to change. It makes me feel good. I don't have family, friends or a lover. I don't care if it shortens my life because I don't want to live anyway.
 
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Zoe1

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#5
hi Sally thanks

actually I feel like that sometimes, that I dont want to be here ...
I find that helping others in these groups
seems to make me feel better
I am your friend, I just have only met you
so am not ready to talk privately

you sound like a lovely person that is worth saving ... x x x
 
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sallimae76

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#6
hi Sally thanks

actually I feel like that sometimes, that I dont want to be here ...
I find that helping others in these groups
seems to make me feel better
I am your friend, I just have only met you
so am not ready to talk privately

you sound like a lovely person that is worth saving ... x x x
Thanks Zoe,

I have more to share. The male god is attacking me in the form of voices. He keeps telling me to "burn" and keeps saying "I'm an ape" it is because I am a virgin and refuse to allow him to experiment on me like he did when I was a kid. I believe that he lives among us, and takes human form as female and male, and as children. I have tons of stories that I could tell you, of people violating my privacy, repeating private things they have seen me do or say. I think the male god is a misogynist and a pervert, and I think he needs to be replaced with an organic real woman.
 
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Zoe1

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#7
hi Salli,

k well I didnt say that
but since you mention is, you have obviously been victim
of some kind of abuse
have you ever had any help with that ? x x x
 
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sallimae76

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#8
TRIGGER WARNING - SEXUALLY EXPLICIT

When I was in therapy and I told the therapist that my 4 year old niece tried to perform oral sex on me when I was 13 years old (I believe it was the invisible man in a child form) my therapist just ignored it. She also ignored me when I told her that my sister told me to touch her vagina, and touched mine when I was about 7. Family members were attempting to show me porn from the age of 5. Family members want me to say I am a lesbian because I am overweight and celibate. I don't believe in therapy. The wonderful therapist also told me that I should work at McDonald's when I have a law degree.
 
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goodgollymiss

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#9
This is such good writing. Thanks for the posts everyone
 
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Zoe1

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#10
thanks Salli and Goodgolly

Salli I'm sorry about that
im afraid that was a bad therapist ...
unfortunately there are some like that
I think its possible to practice without any qualifications ...
I have met some pretty wacky professionals
in my 30 years of recovery ...

I understand if you cant trust another one
maybe you would be happier with a support group
with fellow survivors ?

x x x
 
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sallimae76

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#11
Zoe,

I have made peace with my past. I do not believe in psychotherapy. I am struggling with life because nothing interests me, and I think 43 years is enough to live on the earth. I don't want to be here anymore.
 
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Zoe1

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#12
I feel like that sometimes
what would you say to me if I felt like ending it ? x x x
 
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sallimae76

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#13
I would tell you that life could change. I have felt that way in the past then I got new jobs in a new place and made new friends, when I thought that I couldn't. I am trying to find a new job now out of state. I can't be in an office anymore. I am trying to get into residential life in higher ed. I need relationships, not paperwork.
 
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Zoe1

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#14
thankyou yes things did change somewhat
so I no longer feel that way all the time
I have exciting things going on, went paragliding
uploading songs on social media , lots of painting

I hope you get your higher ed residency
we can keep in touch about it on this thread
you could also start a new thread
in the getting my life back forum on this site if you like

or maybe I will start one

I could not sit in an office either x x x
 
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Zoe1

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#16
I dont, I'm on disability assistance
I was training to be an architect when I became unwell in my twenties
I dont think I would do architecture now
I should have done painting instead

x x x
 
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sallimae76

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#17
I completely understand. In have been on disability, but I don't believe I am disabled however. The supernatural creatures that live among us have ruined my life. It is partly their fault, and partly that I should have went into a different career. Education, or something more people based, not paperwork based. As I said I am trying to get a live in position at a college. I like to counsel young people, especially girls. I am good at conflict resolution and teaching values.
 
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Zoe1

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#18
I know what you mean
I would not be disabled , if the people around me sorted themselves out !

so how does that work where you live
what moves do you have to make to get the position you are after ?

I can imagine you are good at conflict resolution and teaching values

x x x
 
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sallimae76

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#19
Well most positions require experience, and a master's degree in an area that I don't have. I'm just applying anyway, and hoping something works out. I have applied at colleges and boarding schools. I am struggling so much in my current job. I want to quit. I really don't want to practice law anymore.
 
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Zoe1

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#20
so you're staying in your current job at the moment
because of the money ?
can you reduce the hours ?
then you could do some volunteering
in your field of choice to show them how good you are

x x x