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slowly gaining ...

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Zoe1

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Im not sure I actually binge
I'm just eating slightly too much , so that the weight is going up
this often happens in the summer
because I dont want to give up the winter comfort food

I seem to gain height when I gain weight

lots of issues I'm sure involved
including a past of violent relationships
where probably I have made myself bigger unconsciously on purpose

and an addict brother I'm expected to attend to
all of which I feel I cant do
if I'm a delicate little flower !

x x x
 
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goodgollymiss

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Apr 6, 2017
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407
I am gaining because people keep getting me chocolate,!
 
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Zoe1

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thankyou good golly
I have had people giving me sweets
my aunt used to come over with huge bags of biscuits and sweets
enough to really put you off eating them !

ive asked people not to give me food as a present
I would rather have some painted stationary
for writing snail mails with

x x x Zoe
 
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sallimae76

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Jun 18, 2019
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I overeat and don't eat well, but I'm not sure I want that to change. It makes me feel good. I don't have family, friends or a lover. I don't care if it shortens my life because I don't want to live anyway.
 
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Zoe1

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hi Sally thanks

actually I feel like that sometimes, that I dont want to be here ...
I find that helping others in these groups
seems to make me feel better
I am your friend, I just have only met you
so am not ready to talk privately

you sound like a lovely person that is worth saving ... x x x
 
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sallimae76

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hi Sally thanks

actually I feel like that sometimes, that I dont want to be here ...
I find that helping others in these groups
seems to make me feel better
I am your friend, I just have only met you
so am not ready to talk privately

you sound like a lovely person that is worth saving ... x x x
Thanks Zoe,

I have more to share. The male god is attacking me in the form of voices. He keeps telling me to "burn" and keeps saying "I'm an ape" it is because I am a virgin and refuse to allow him to experiment on me like he did when I was a kid. I believe that he lives among us, and takes human form as female and male, and as children. I have tons of stories that I could tell you, of people violating my privacy, repeating private things they have seen me do or say. I think the male god is a misogynist and a pervert, and I think he needs to be replaced with an organic real woman.
 
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Zoe1

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hi Salli,

k well I didnt say that
but since you mention is, you have obviously been victim
of some kind of abuse
have you ever had any help with that ? x x x
 
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sallimae76

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TRIGGER WARNING - SEXUALLY EXPLICIT

When I was in therapy and I told the therapist that my 4 year old niece tried to perform oral sex on me when I was 13 years old (I believe it was the invisible man in a child form) my therapist just ignored it. She also ignored me when I told her that my sister told me to touch her vagina, and touched mine when I was about 7. Family members were attempting to show me porn from the age of 5. Family members want me to say I am a lesbian because I am overweight and celibate. I don't believe in therapy. The wonderful therapist also told me that I should work at McDonald's when I have a law degree.
 
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goodgollymiss

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This is such good writing. Thanks for the posts everyone
 
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Zoe1

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thanks Salli and Goodgolly

Salli I'm sorry about that
im afraid that was a bad therapist ...
unfortunately there are some like that
I think its possible to practice without any qualifications ...
I have met some pretty wacky professionals
in my 30 years of recovery ...

I understand if you cant trust another one
maybe you would be happier with a support group
with fellow survivors ?

x x x
 
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sallimae76

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Messages
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Zoe,

I have made peace with my past. I do not believe in psychotherapy. I am struggling with life because nothing interests me, and I think 43 years is enough to live on the earth. I don't want to be here anymore.
 
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Zoe1

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I feel like that sometimes
what would you say to me if I felt like ending it ? x x x
 
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sallimae76

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I would tell you that life could change. I have felt that way in the past then I got new jobs in a new place and made new friends, when I thought that I couldn't. I am trying to find a new job now out of state. I can't be in an office anymore. I am trying to get into residential life in higher ed. I need relationships, not paperwork.
 
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Zoe1

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thankyou yes things did change somewhat
so I no longer feel that way all the time
I have exciting things going on, went paragliding
uploading songs on social media , lots of painting

I hope you get your higher ed residency
we can keep in touch about it on this thread
you could also start a new thread
in the getting my life back forum on this site if you like

or maybe I will start one

I could not sit in an office either x x x
 
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sallimae76

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What do you do for a living?
 
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