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TheSea

TheSea

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Joined
Jul 16, 2019
Messages
22
Location
England
My mother passed away of cancer little over a year ago. I was with her when she passed.

Ever since I've gone through phases of seeing her 'death face' for lack of better words, when I try to sleep. It's a frail weak face. Anyone who knows someone who's passed of cancer cancer and seen them in their final days will know exactly what I mean.

I keep getting a week or two where it doesn't happen and I think it's gone. Then right back some other night. Stopping me sleeping.

I'm aware it's probably a part of grief. But have any of you guys had similar? How long did it take to pass? Any advice?
 
Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

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Mar 19, 2019
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6,816
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I've had this twice, Sea. I 'viewed' both my father and husband at the funeral parlour and found in both cases, the image of them was imprinted on the back of my eyelids every time I tried to sleep at night.

I think our minds are still trying to process the shock - mentally, it's unfinished business.

It passed eventually but I made a point of focusing on those mental pictures during the day - not trying to block the image and think of something else - I really gave it my attention and dealt with the associated feelings. I think this stopped my mind throwing it up at night time.

Yes, it is a normal part of grief and I'm sorry for your loss. A year is very little time in terms of losing a parent - you're still going to feel raw. x
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Hi Sea,
I'm so very sorry for your loss, you are very brave.
Hope you heal very soon.
Take care
 
LizBo

LizBo

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Jul 1, 2019
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Down-under
Hello @TheSea

@Lunar Lady has given some really good advice. I saw my Nan in hospital hooked up to machines with tubes going everywhere before she died. (15 y/o) Each time her name was mentioned I'd see her laying there then go into gut wrenching sobbing.

It wasn't until a counsellor advised me to write her a letter that things changed; literally in the few moments it took to put pen to paper. There's so much 'unfinished' business you know?

I was angry at her for leaving me with my horrible mother. Apparently, I carried enormous guilt for feeling that way I couldn't bare to hear her name. So when it came out while scribbling the words down, my honesty, and accepting I was allowed to feel those things, released me from my guilt.

I'm very sorry for your loss.. 🙏
Kind thoughts;
Liz
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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Apr 9, 2011
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35,046
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Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
im so so very sorry for your loss xx
my mummy died 5 years ago and I have bad dreams about it every night x
I wasn't with her when she died but I was with her the night before when she was dying and it was harrowing x
I send you lots of love good thoughts and wishes
love Lu xxx
 
TheSea

TheSea

Member
Joined
Jul 16, 2019
Messages
22
Location
England
Thanks everyone.

I love the letter idea. My mother and I did have a bit of a strained relationship until the birth of my daughter almost 5 years ago. I think getting everything out on paper might actually help with that. Going to give it a try.

Thank you!
 
LizBo

LizBo

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Jul 1, 2019
Messages
595
Location
Down-under
Hi again Sea;
I'm glad the letter idea resonated.
There's just one thing to remember when writing; make sure you're alone and write without judging your words. It's important to let them (and your emotions) flow, so don't stop and think, just write.

I really hope it helps..
Liz
 
J

JCPraha

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 27, 2018
Messages
764
I still experience the death of my mother. It is terrible, and that was over 5 years ago. I suppose we never completely get over some things.
 
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