Sleep

TheSea

TheSea

Member
Joined
Jul 16, 2019
Messages
12
Location
England
My mother passed away of cancer little over a year ago. I was with her when she passed.

Ever since I've gone through phases of seeing her 'death face' for lack of better words, when I try to sleep. It's a frail weak face. Anyone who knows someone who's passed of cancer cancer and seen them in their final days will know exactly what I mean.

I keep getting a week or two where it doesn't happen and I think it's gone. Then right back some other night. Stopping me sleeping.

I'm aware it's probably a part of grief. But have any of you guys had similar? How long did it take to pass? Any advice?
 
L

Lunar Lady

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 19, 2019
Messages
3,106
Location
UK
I've had this twice, Sea. I 'viewed' both my father and husband at the funeral parlour and found in both cases, the image of them was imprinted on the back of my eyelids every time I tried to sleep at night.

I think our minds are still trying to process the shock - mentally, it's unfinished business.

It passed eventually but I made a point of focusing on those mental pictures during the day - not trying to block the image and think of something else - I really gave it my attention and dealt with the associated feelings. I think this stopped my mind throwing it up at night time.

Yes, it is a normal part of grief and I'm sorry for your loss. A year is very little time in terms of losing a parent - you're still going to feel raw. x
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
9,602
Location
England
Hi Sea,
I'm so very sorry for your loss, you are very brave.
Hope you heal very soon.
Take care
 
LizBo

LizBo

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 1, 2019
Messages
279
Location
Down-under
Hello @TheSea

@Lunar Lady has given some really good advice. I saw my Nan in hospital hooked up to machines with tubes going everywhere before she died. (15 y/o) Each time her name was mentioned I'd see her laying there then go into gut wrenching sobbing.

It wasn't until a counsellor advised me to write her a letter that things changed; literally in the few moments it took to put pen to paper. There's so much 'unfinished' business you know?

I was angry at her for leaving me with my horrible mother. Apparently, I carried enormous guilt for feeling that way I couldn't bare to hear her name. So when it came out while scribbling the words down, my honesty, and accepting I was allowed to feel those things, released me from my guilt.

I'm very sorry for your loss.. 🙏
Kind thoughts;
Liz
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
32,929
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
im so so very sorry for your loss xx
my mummy died 5 years ago and I have bad dreams about it every night x
I wasn't with her when she died but I was with her the night before when she was dying and it was harrowing x
I send you lots of love good thoughts and wishes
love Lu xxx
 
TheSea

TheSea

Member
Joined
Jul 16, 2019
Messages
12
Location
England
Thanks everyone.

I love the letter idea. My mother and I did have a bit of a strained relationship until the birth of my daughter almost 5 years ago. I think getting everything out on paper might actually help with that. Going to give it a try.

Thank you!
 
LizBo

LizBo

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 1, 2019
Messages
279
Location
Down-under
Hi again Sea;
I'm glad the letter idea resonated.
There's just one thing to remember when writing; make sure you're alone and write without judging your words. It's important to let them (and your emotions) flow, so don't stop and think, just write.

I really hope it helps..
Liz
 
J

JCPraha

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 27, 2018
Messages
380
I still experience the death of my mother. It is terrible, and that was over 5 years ago. I suppose we never completely get over some things.
 
Top