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Sick of this old mindset.

frisas45

frisas45

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I tried to make myself happy, but I am depressed and angry. Yeah. If I piss people off, it's all my fault. I still have to blame myself if this shit wasn't. People around me in the past bitched about reputation. You have to sacrifice everything to maintain it. Reputation is everything if you want to survive. Otherwise, it is impossible to commence this shit. I tried to prove myself that his views were pure horseshit, but this economy soiled everything. I have to be driven by paranoia to barely get by. Sacrifice my self esteem to these demanding, mercurial fucktards to get paid. Because money judges whether if food gets into my stomach. This emotion is old af. I'm sick of it. :(
 
J

JeanPierre

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I can't make sense of your opening paragraph.
You sound mad as hell but not clear as it why.
Tell me again.

(It is true that money judges whether food goes into your mouth.
I agree reputation is important)

You remind me of me as a young teenager. LOL
 
frisas45

frisas45

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(It is true that money judges whether food goes into your mouth.
I agree reputation is important)
Let me rephrase.
I don't wanna live that kind of life anymore. Not being a slave to my reputation. Drives me paranoid.
 
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JeanPierre

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I get this is cultural.

It makes you paranoid being a slave to your reputation?
I can see that stressing you out.
Personally, I went against the grain in most things but I'm not sure if that is what you are asking.
 
frisas45

frisas45

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I get this is cultural.

It makes you paranoid being a slave to your reputation?
I can see that stressing you out.
Personally, I went against the grain in most things but I'm not sure if that is what you are asking.
How to I get over this survivalistic mindset? How do I stop the mindset ringing inside my head?
 
Zana

Zana

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There has only ever been and only ever will be one of you. So I'd recommend making looking after yourself no.1 priority, far above what others percieve of you. When perception and reality get too far away from eachother chaos ensues. So be true to yourself, love yourself, accept all your faults, and wield them like a shield.

If you can't do that in your current situation, put an action plan together to get to a healthier environment. Personally I find thinking about the end goal and then working backwards to come up with actions a good way of achieving this.

Also, if you haven't already, identify a 'safe zone' (as I like to call it) where you are totally immune to the universe outside your thoughts. This is your relaxing, soothing and free place and it belongs only to you and those you invite inside.

Hope this helps and God bless.
Joe
 
HLon99

HLon99

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I'm not sure what exactly that you are referring to, but I can tell you the veneer of reputableness is a difficult thing to maintain. Nevertheless, if we are to express any form of agency in our lives we are to defend it. The work starts on the inside, discovering your values and life philosophy and proceeding to implement it externally. Sometimes, you will meet people and circumstances that will oppose you, but you must persevere regardless. You must learn how to circumnavigate around things that will throw you off the trail. How you do so is up to you, but as long as you remain true to yourself and follow your gut, everything else is secondary.
 
HLon99

HLon99

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Please give me a little more detail about what you are going through. I am assuming this is some kind of professional/workplace dispute? Remember you don't always have to satisfy the foolish opinions of your peers, as long as you have allies on your side. A collegue or even better a sympathetic boss which will have your back will go a long way. Invest in influencing the right people rather than the blind majority.
 
frisas45

frisas45

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Please give me a little more detail about what you are going through. I am assuming this is some kind of professional/workplace dispute? Remember you don't always have to satisfy the foolish opinions of your peers, as long as you have allies on your side. A collegue or even better a sympathetic boss which will have your back will go a long way. Invest in influencing the right people rather than the blind majority.
I don't have much to say. It's more about a family than a workplace. They demand me with rules, even to my adulthood. I can't pull a boundary or set limits on them. If I do that, they would easily cast them aside. It's their way or the highway to survive. I don't have enough job skills to get independent, let alone in this poor economy. One of the rules were being oversensitive about what people think. If people are angry at me, even if this was me, it's my fault. I should make the people who are demanding happy. If I don't put demanding assholes like Steve Jobs, I won't survive. That's what people around me instilled my mind into. Thankfully, I got out of that situation, but that mind haunts me.

Remember you don't always have to satisfy the foolish opinions of your peers, as long as you have allies on your side.
Plus, I have no friends. People around me are self-consumed or too busy to make their ends meet to form an alliance. It's hard for everyone to survive. They're thinking about keeping food into their stomach, and there's no time for luxury as friendships. My therapist told me that friend-making is hard, but to me, it's impossible. Look at this day in age! As technology develops, more and more people spend time on social media, rather than befriending anyone else. They show off their bodies, stupid opinions, and get into drama!

You might disagree with me, but as a foreigner who live in South Korea, this inevitability gets you.
 
frisas45

frisas45

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There has only ever been and only ever will be one of you. So I'd recommend making looking after yourself no.1 priority, far above what others percieve of you. When perception and reality get too far away from eachother chaos ensues. So be true to yourself, love yourself, accept all your faults, and wield them like a shield.

If you can't do that in your current situation, put an action plan together to get to a healthier environment. Personally I find thinking about the end goal and then working backwards to come up with actions a good way of achieving this.

Also, if you haven't already, identify a 'safe zone' (as I like to call it) where you are totally immune to the universe outside your thoughts. This is your relaxing, soothing and free place and it belongs only to you and those you invite inside.

Hope this helps and God bless.
Joe
Thanks for the advice! You help me a LOT! I tried to move to a healthier environment a long time ago. Again, that was impossible. Back in US, I had no money to move out. I had to go wherever my parents told me to go to survive. Staying with my parents is where I can get food and shelter. If I leave, I'd make barely enough cash. So I came to South Korea. Looking after my delusional mother who need to be institutionalized. But I had no cash to send her to a hospital let alone move out! So I had to do the impossible to survive. Now, I'm exhausted...

Look here for more details.

Survival is hard. | Mental Health Forum
 
jajingna

jajingna

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You've got a lot going on frisas. It's a tough culture and you're from another. How's your Korean anyway? I guess you gotta put up with some "gyopo" bullshit.
 
frisas45

frisas45

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You've got a lot going on frisas. It's a tough culture and you're from another. How's your Korean anyway?
My psychiatrist told me that I can speak Korean pretty damn well :) I'm almost a native Korean :):):)

I guess you gotta put up with some "gyopo" bullshit.
Juggling horseshit from gyopo and original Korean cultures while being an American is hard...

Fuck! :mad:
 
jajingna

jajingna

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That's good on the language then. Makes life a bit easier. Just living in foreign cultures is hard sometimes. I had some rough days along the way over in that region. Pretty weird I wanna go back to China but I'm doing nothing here, just getting older and more useless.
 
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