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Sick of being labelled manipulative....

Luci

Luci

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What is it that causes people to think we are manipulative? Has anyone else experienced this? I've only been accused of this by people who arent close to me but still.... I want to understand what traits cause people with BPD to appear manipulative? I'm always honest and up front, I tell people exactly what I think and feel and I do the best I can for the people I care about..... I dont understand. Being labelled like this is making me doubt myself as a person and I never let anyone make me feel like this....
 
G

Girl interupted

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I think what others see as manipulative is the product of years of abuse as a child. We learn to navigate other people’s moods, are more in tune with them, because it’s a survival skill.
 
Shadow-one

Shadow-one

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Hi Gi

I couldn't agree with you more.....

Your post immediately caught my eye because it's EXACTLY how I feel too and I feel we are treated very unfairly by anyone who doesn't understand that this is the case..

For example, my psychiatrist thinks I'm manipulative over things that I do simply to 'get by' to SURVIVE.... Yet because she doesn't spend anything as much time with me as my nurse or psychotherapist (Obviously) she has no idea WHY things happen the way they do sometimes....

I feel the same about my Doctor - who I am with for 16yrs, but since my MH breakdown and subsequent years of meds, therapy etc etc, she has treated me differently... Seems to blame me for overdosing as if I'm doing it to just annoy her... I feel like I've lost her now as I'm almost afraid to see her in case this type of situation comes up again....

I'm sick of being judged for my MH issues. Nobody seems to understand BPD and if they do - they have NO idea of the trauma that goes with it....

Well done for your post - It has given me a great platform to voice how I feel too!
 
E

EstherRose94

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I agree, if someone tells me I’m being difficult I’m not sure if I really am or if they just know they can make me believe I am.

But what is typically the case is that I’m being a little difficult and that’s all they meant, not that I’m evil or manipulative. It’s easy to think “oh that seemed super negative” when it’s actually just neutral.
 
Lunus

Lunus

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Hi Gi

I couldn't agree with you more.....

Your post immediately caught my eye because it's EXACTLY how I feel too and I feel we are treated very unfairly by anyone who doesn't understand that this is the case..

For example, my psychiatrist thinks I'm manipulative over things that I do simply to 'get by' to SURVIVE.... Yet because she doesn't spend anything as much time with me as my nurse or psychotherapist (Obviously) she has no idea WHY things happen the way they do sometimes....

I feel the same about my Doctor - who I am with for 16yrs, but since my MH breakdown and subsequent years of meds, therapy etc etc, she has treated me differently... Seems to blame me for overdosing as if I'm doing it to just annoy her... I feel like I've lost her now as I'm almost afraid to see her in case this type of situation comes up again....

I'm sick of being judged for my MH issues. Nobody seems to understand BPD and if they do - they have NO idea of the trauma that goes with it....

Well done for your post - It has given me a great platform to voice how I feel too!
We all understand though. :hug:
 
Lunus

Lunus

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What is it that causes people to think we are manipulative? Has anyone else experienced this? I've only been accused of this by people who arent close to me but still.... I want to understand what traits cause people with BPD to appear manipulative? I'm always honest and up front, I tell people exactly what I think and feel and I do the best I can for the people I care about..... I dont understand. Being labelled like this is making me doubt myself as a person and I never let anyone make me feel like this....
Thing is with me is that I’m rarely honest, or certainly haven’t been in the past before I was diagnosed. I do have a tendency to manipulate people to either get what I want or to try to regulate my emotions. It’s not a nice trait at all, but most BPD traits aren’t. All I can do is try to be mindful, truthful and honest although it is by no means easy.
 
Flameheart

Flameheart

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it sucks when it's someone close as well saying you are, no amount of explaining will convince people I'm not actually abusive or manipulative because frankly no one wants to hear it
I pretty much can't express how I truly feel to majority of people out of fear they'll make vast assumptions like this
 
Luci

Luci

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Thank you peeps who replied. I'm glad I have people who understand and can talk to without being judged or misunderstood.... helps you work through things. It's hard to understand other people sometimes, you guys help me....
I'm very animated and upfront so maybe that adds to it?
 
Lunus

Lunus

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Thank you peeps who replied. I'm glad I have people who understand and can talk to without being judged or misunderstood.... helps you work through things. It's hard to understand other people sometimes, you guys help me....
I'm very animated and upfront so maybe that adds to it?
I think we are all animated and up front. I’ve always referred to it as living with my heart on my sleeve. I have learnt a lot from my therapy session today though and for me the most important things was about my self loathing. My therapist said it’s not YOU it’s your BEHAVIOUR that makes you dislike yourself, and you can change behaviour.
 
Luci

Luci

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Thank you for that. It's so true. I have changed soooooo much now I am in my 30's, but now I am being judged by social services as my condition, not me as a person or a parent. And I know myself and I know I am not that person. But it makes you think and doint yourself. Horrible man
 
Shadow-one

Shadow-one

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Great to read everyone's opinions!

I'm actually not at all animated and upfront. Just the opposite in fact. I was probably better when I was a teenager because I didn't understand who I was anyway.... I got by usually just mimicing everyone around me in order to not look as pitiful and lost as I felt. It was a lot easier when I could do that.

Now today I have no ability to connect with other people, let alone actually form any type of meaningful friendships.... And truth is I don't want to. The more people in my life, the worse my BPD gets....

For me it's all about managing...... getting by. So I'm very quiet, love being by myself but I am married and have 3 children and they are my life.... And I'm lucky to have been able to do this much because I definitely couldn't imagine been able to do it now...

Just a little piece from a very unanimated and disconnected person whose doing their best just like everyone else here :dance:
 
Luci

Luci

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My children have been removed because of my 'mental health issues'. My fiancee dumped me too. I now have no life. Everything has been stripped from me. And this is when they decide to judge me as a person and a parent..... at the most traumatic time of my life
 
Lunus

Lunus

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My children have been removed because of my 'mental health issues'. My fiancee dumped me too. I now have no life. Everything has been stripped from me. And this is when they decide to judge me as a person and a parent..... at the most traumatic time of my life
I am so sorry to hear of your troubles. There is so little compassion in the world we live in. I know what you are going through because my sister went through the same. All I can say to comfort you is all her children remained close and in contact and many years later she has countless grandchildren and great grandchildren. Things will change. Never give up hope. No matter who puts you down you can remain strong and recover. Take one day at a time.
 
G

Girl interupted

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My children have been removed because of my 'mental health issues'. My fiancee dumped me too. I now have no life. Everything has been stripped from me. And this is when they decide to judge me as a person and a parent..... at the most traumatic time of my life
You can get through this hon. Focus on your children and nothing else. Because nothing else matters.

I am sending you some virtual strength. You can do this.
 
Shadow-one

Shadow-one

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Hey Luci

Gosh that's really sad to hear.... I can't imagine the pain of your children being taken from you. It's simply too much to bear...

Are they gone a while now? And do you have contact with them?

I really am sorry Luci.... You have been through such an horrendous time. I'm sure you will have a meaningful relationship with them as they grow up (actually I have no idea if they are adults or children, but I mean - when they are at the stage where they understand what happened and why)

Take care of yourself :hug:
 
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