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Sick, Narcissistic F#*&

monopod

monopod

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That's what my friend called me the other day. They're in a really bad way at the moment, so I'm trying not to take it too personally, but what if they've got a point? I'm worried sick about them and want to help, but I'm not sure if I'm just making things worse. Maybe, at root, I am just a bad person, and the best way of helping is to leave them alone :unsure:
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Awww Monopod, no. We have probably all said things we don't mean (and later regret) when we're ill or in a bad way. And it's usually the people we care about the most who bear the brunt. You certainly don't come across as a bad person and your post reads as caring and worried. Definitely not the traits of a bad one. I'm sorry I can't offer any real advice, I just felt sad reading your post and wanted to respond.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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I agree with purple chaos.

I admit i've said hurtful things to people in the past when i've been in a bad way, and I have regretted it. It is common to lash out.

I know it's hard when someone says something horrible to you. Even if you know logically that you shouldn't take it personally, it doesn't take the hurt feelings away.

Try not to think about it too much or beat yourself up. It's not true. x
 
H

Helena1

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As you care about them it can't be true, i am sure you trying to help them is only good.
 
monopod

monopod

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Thanks guys. I appreciate the reassurance (which, come to think of it, is quite narcissistic really lol). I just hope I'm making things better for them in the long run - or, at least, not making them worse.
 
T

tiltawhirl3

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I would take a step back from this person.
In my world, name-calling is never okay. It's disrespectful and abusive.
You still care about this person, so perhaps it is time to think about and communicate boundaries.
jmho
 
Davey Blueeyes

Davey Blueeyes

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We have all said things that we have regretted later. If you can kiss and make-up, take that opportunity.

And don't self flagellate with things that get said. A narcissist would love the attention of someone dishing that out to them.
 
monopod

monopod

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The last thing I heard from them was the morning after, and they apologised and said they didn't even remember, so there's no 'beef' on my part. I'm just thinking that maybe I should take the hint - in vino veritas, and all that.
 
V

Verity

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I have experience of highly narcissistic and abusive parentage. You do not come close to any of the characteristics of this disorder. I think that the best thing to do for YOUR OWN WELL BEING is retreat. If they are a true friend, they will come back to you as a friend who offers unconditional support. Do not offer unconditional support to anyone who causes harm to your own well being. This is not friendship. It is abuse.

Much love to you as always :hug5:

Verity xxx
 
V

Verity

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The last thing I heard from them was the morning after, and they apologised and said they didn't even remember, so there's no 'beef' on my part. I'm just thinking that maybe I should take the hint - in vino veritas, and all that.
This is not acceptable, my love. You are worth so much more than this treatment.

Take a step back, breathe and let go of this bullshit.

A true friend would acknowledge their failings. This friend is minimizing their abuse, the effect on you and is in denial.

Leave them be until they can acknowledge their own part in their downfall. Then you can choose whether to help them or not.

Colluding with negative behaviour helps no one.

xxx
 
S

stella

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Sometimes people just don't know how can they hurt with they words to a unstable person, maybe you should tell your friend that really made you feel bad, and please to avoid that kind of comments
 
S

secretsurvivor1

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I don't know if you really are narcissistic but if you mean
selfish, self-obsessed, proud of yourself/vain
I think this is what it is to be human.
I am sick of being accused of being selfish, self-absorbed etc. and I think it is maybe that you are being more open and aware of it, but humans usually say " I did this, I want that". A phone company did a survey and discovered the most common word on the phone was "I". It certainly wasn't "You"!
If you care what others think surely that means you are not all about you?
 
monopod

monopod

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You do not come close to any of the characteristics of this disorder.
Thankyou, sweets - it's good to hear that. I am unsure as to the nature of my underlying problems, as you're aware, so this did hit a bit of a raw nerve, but I think you're right. It's nice to hear it from others though :hug5: xxx

I was a bit overwrought when I started this thread, if I'm honest. I don't think it's fair to give the impression that my friend was being 'abusive', as such. They are in a very dark place at the moment, and I think they were just lashing out as SomersetScorpio said. I'm mainly just frustrated that I don't know how to help them - or if I'm making things worse=/

Anyway, I've explained to them how I feel and left the ball in their court, so to speak. They know I'm there for them if they need me.

Thanks for the support and advice, guys - I appreciate it :cheers:
 
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