Hi Duchess, I too have BPD and it feels like I'm going crazy with the thoughts that I get...I know how you feel and can empasize with you.
Try and go and see your GP or refer yourself to your local CMHT, I know it takes much effort but it may just help. There's the temptation just to drift along and hope that the next day may be better, very often it isn't. There are times when your thoughts don't allow you make a firm decision, but as hard as it is, that's what needs to happen if you are to regain any happiness or satisfaction from life.
Yesterday was a day of 'shall I or shan't I' for me and ...I'm still here, very often with this problem one tends to look upon suicide as an escape from yourself. I've been told I use the thought of suicide as a prop. So hey, i've had this prop for years...use this forum, it will help, it's helped me.

[/QUOTE
Hello QF,
I cant believe I have stumbled upon this forum, I feel better than I did two days ago already. I have not contacted my GP like I said I would but will go there en route to work tomorrow. I need to do something, and fast before I get completely out of control and put myself back into hospital. Having BPD is horrible and I also have traits of some of the other personality disorders too but mainly BPD. I cant make a proper decision and even the thought of having to leave the house later is making me stressed already. I have no choice though. I havent had a bath for a couple of days and the house is a mess (I live alone so no one can see it anyway) but normally my house is spotless and I dress immaculately except when I have an episode like this... how can you possible make someone understand that I can be two different people in as many days..... Happy and life and soul of the party then a complete mess and suicidal...... I hate it. Its good to know someone understands though. Thank you. Duchess.