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Should I try dating if Bipolar and PTSD effect my life?

ScreamingMime

ScreamingMime

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Hello, I'm 28 and single male dealing with Bipolar 2 and PTSD. I've been single my whole life cause when I was a child I was abused, and when I was about 12 I was raped by an older kid, every since that moment I stopped letting people do things like hug me, or play wrestle with me. Most of the time I'm fine being single, but I know when I'm older I won't be fine with that anymore. I experience loneliness a lot, and I really want to try getting to no someone and dating.

but
I'm not sure if it's fair for the person I'm dating.When an intimate moment arises, I won't be their to dance. I've tried before and I wasn't able to move my body or talk. Has anyone had to confront this issue in a relationship with someone? When did you bring it up? How did you handle it? What did you tell them? How did they react? Are you the same now or is it different?
 
P

Princess Zelda

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I'm so sorry you went through all of that. My advice would be therapy. I'm sorry, I don't really know much about relationships because I never dated, but I believe speaking to someone about this could help a lot. I think there's always someone out there who will be kind and patient and understanding. And I hope you find a good person one day.
 
L

LadyDomino

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Dorset
As someone who has been sexually assulted by a supposed friend, it is possible to find love with the right person. I've been lucky, and have been married for 11 years now. I'm also bi polar and he puts up with alot because of that, yet he is still there for me.

One day the right person will come along, instinct will tell you whether the person is to be trusted with your past and present. But as @Princess Zelda says, therepy can help, especially when dealing with abuse.

Don't give up.
 
F

Failing Heart

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174
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Virginia
Hello, I'm 28 and single male dealing with Bipolar 2 and PTSD. I've been single my whole life cause when I was a child I was abused, and when I was about 12 I was raped by an older kid, every since that moment I stopped letting people do things like hug me, or play wrestle with me. Most of the time I'm fine being single, but I know when I'm older I won't be fine with that anymore. I experience loneliness a lot, and I really want to try getting to no someone and dating.

but
I'm not sure if it's fair for the person I'm dating.When an intimate moment arises, I won't be their to dance. I've tried before and I wasn't able to move my body or talk. Has anyone had to confront this issue in a relationship with someone? When did you bring it up? How did you handle it? What did you tell them? How did they react? Are you the same now or is it different?
If you are lonely, I think dating casually is a great idea. Because there is so much stigma attached to bipolar… I would let someone get to know who you are and wait to deal with the bipolar issue once it arises. Don’t be secretive, but I don’t think it’s something that you need to put out there immediately like an STD, ha ha. And I completely agree with the other people that are suggesting therapy. If you are going to be in a serious relationship with someone… These are issues that you need to work out by yourself ahead of time.
 
N

Nukelavee

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Dec 17, 2019
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London, ON
I'm not sure if it's fair for the person I'm dating.When an intimate moment arises, I won't be their to dance. I've tried before and I wasn't able to move my body or talk. Has anyone had to confront this issue in a relationship with someone? When did you bring it up? How did you handle it? What did you tell them? How did they react? Are you the same now or is it different?
Dude. That's dissociation. That out of body, no control feeling is a defensive mechanism related to trauma.

I have it bad, tbh. I've had it freak out some partners, I've had other partners take advantage of it - so, I avoid intimacy now.

Which works, but it's not a great solution. What I do know is this - it will likely take some form of therapy to help you deal with the past traumas, and therapy is a great idea.

I've avoided dealing with it entirely, and, without trying to work on it, it doesn't go away or get better.
 
ScreamingMime

ScreamingMime

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Dude. That's dissociation. That out of body, no control feeling is a defensive mechanism related to trauma.

I have it bad, tbh. I've had it freak out some partners, I've had other partners take advantage of it - so, I avoid intimacy now.

Which works, but it's not a great solution. What I do know is this - it will likely take some form of therapy to help you deal with the past traumas, and therapy is a great idea.

I've avoided dealing with it entirely, and, without trying to work on it, it doesn't go away or get better.
The more I think about this, the more I realize I've definitely dealt with a piece of what you said, and now I just avoid intimacy and anything that can lead to it. I have a counselor, but we haven't talk about anything romance related. And he never leads me any sort of direction so I never take it their... it's even hard to talk about with people. But it is probably a possible way to the other side, who knows.
 
F

Failing Heart

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The more I think about this, the more I realize I've definitely dealt with a piece of what you said, and now I just avoid intimacy and anything that can lead to it. I have a counselor, but we haven't talk about anything romance related. And he never leads me any sort of direction so I never take it their... it's even hard to talk about with people. But it is probably a possible way to the other side, who knows.
You are in control in your therapy sessions. I sometimes have a hard time bringing up a topic that I don’t want to talk about even when I know I need to talk about it and deal with it. It helps me to email the therapist ahead of time and let them know the topic and that it’s extra hard for me to talk about and then she brings it up in our next session. Is therapy helping otherwise?
 
Zero One

Zero One

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I'm about to die reading this. I am so sorry this happened to you. I was going to say you should if you feel like it. The way I see it everyone is special but everyone is not. There is no one better than you. So if you want to be in a relationship, do it. If it doesn't work out, that would be more normal than if it did, and whenever you are ready again you can be in another relationship.
 
ScreamingMime

ScreamingMime

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USA
You are in control in your therapy sessions. I sometimes have a hard time bringing up a topic that I don’t want to talk about even when I know I need to talk about it and deal with it. It helps me to email the therapist ahead of time and let them know the topic and that it’s extra hard for me to talk about and then she brings it up in our next session. Is therapy helping otherwise?

I think it's not helping, because I still haven't decided any of this is worth the struggle.
 
P

PerpetuallyStuck

Guest
If you want a partner then it is obviously something worth pursuing. However, it isn't as simple as just walking down to the shop and picking something up. I've never been able to get a date. I've not suffered any abuse, but I have severe social anxiety which has prevented me from being able to relax in social situations. If there has ever been a female that showed blatant interest, I'd freeze up and find it hard to cope. It seems somewhat similar to what you describe.

At the end of the day, if you find someone you care about, then that would be great wouldn't it. Maybe there is the right person out there, but don't expect it to happen any time soon. I'm sure that if you do manage to get there, your partner would be understanding of your issues and would give you time and space to become more comfortable.
 
K

karl7

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939
Hello, I'm 28 and single male dealing with Bipolar 2 and PTSD. I've been single my whole life cause when I was a child I was abused, and when I was about 12 I was raped by an older kid, every since that moment I stopped letting people do things like hug me, or play wrestle with me. Most of the time I'm fine being single, but I know when I'm older I won't be fine with that anymore. I experience loneliness a lot, and I really want to try getting to no someone and dating.

but
I'm not sure if it's fair for the person I'm dating.When an intimate moment arises, I won't be their to dance. I've tried before and I wasn't able to move my body or talk. Has anyone had to confront this issue in a relationship with someone? When did you bring it up? How did you handle it? What did you tell them? How did they react? Are you the same now or is it different?
im 44 and nver had a girlfriend....im not bothered by that butif i did want one i would want someone who i could relate to and who would understand me....yeah so i would prefer someone who has had experience of mental illness, i dont want to hide the fact that i have MI......so then there would be two options open to me, a mental health club is a great place to meet others mostly for friendship but also i would do the dating site www.nolongerlonely.com ......you might meet someone butim sure you would meet some you connect with for friendshoip anwaway
 
H

Hana26

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World
Like you I was physically abused as a kid then sexually assaulted multiple times as an adult.

I sabotaged some normal relationships and entered into toxic ones because I didn't know any better.

Honestly your issues are not to be taken lightly and I wouldn't recommend you to date anyone in a serious way unless you get professional help.

I have been seeing a therapist and it has made having a healthy relationship possible but I'm still not through with my problems and I feel guilty for the way it weights on my partner sometimes.

Feel free to talk if you need x
 
HLon99

HLon99

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I don't really see a reason why you should let your mental disorder define you like that. You'll probably need to find a very understanding partner to start off with, but its doable. Maybe even eventually you will be able to face your fears of intimacy. Regardless of what you choose to do, you should try and consistently work on yourself and your mental health, that should be your first, second and third priority.
 
Heartbroken

Heartbroken

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Hello, I'm 28 and single male dealing with Bipolar 2 and PTSD. I've been single my whole life cause when I was a child I was abused, and when I was about 12 I was raped by an older kid, every since that moment I stopped letting people do things like hug me, or play wrestle with me. Most of the time I'm fine being single, but I know when I'm older I won't be fine with that anymore. I experience loneliness a lot, and I really want to try getting to no someone and dating.

but
I'm not sure if it's fair for the person I'm dating.When an intimate moment arises, I won't be their to dance. I've tried before and I wasn't able to move my body or talk. Has anyone had to confront this issue in a relationship with someone? When did you bring it up? How did you handle it? What did you tell them? How did they react? Are you the same now or is it different?
I'm sorry about everything you've been through and that you're going through. I'm a woman with bipolar2 and PTSD. I've had unlucky relationships. I need and want intimacy too. I always thought my PTSD prevents me from having a relationship but now I'm thinking it's because of my bipolar, I was diagnosed a few weeks ago and I'm not coping with it.
When I told about my PTSD two people, at different times, whom I thought would be the one, they both said they'll be there and help me deal with my PTSD. No, they didn't. I was lonelier with them than before after telling about my PTSD. I feel worse after telling them about my PTSD because they both let me down, managing on my own, I was hoping and waiting they'll actually help me and talk about it because they said they will, I didn't ask them to. So I'm trying to say, I'd like to have someone who understands what it's like to live with PTSD and/ or bipolar than someone who leaves you alone when you cry and have anxiety attacks, feel triggered etc.
I told them that I have a trauma and a bit about my trauma. I felt really dirty afterwards with the other person. He seemed to get aroused by the way I was abused.
 
ScreamingMime

ScreamingMime

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I'm sorry about everything you've been through and that you're going through. I'm a woman with bipolar2 and PTSD. I've had unlucky relationships. I need and want intimacy too. I always thought my PTSD prevents me from having a relationship but now I'm thinking it's because of my bipolar, I was diagnosed a few weeks ago and I'm not coping with it.
When I told about my PTSD two people, at different times, whom I thought would be the one, they both said they'll be there and help me deal with my PTSD. No, they didn't. I was lonelier with them than before after telling about my PTSD. I feel worse after telling them about my PTSD because they both let me down, managing on my own, I was hoping and waiting they'll actually help me and talk about it because they said they will, I didn't ask them to. So I'm trying to say, I'd like to have someone who understands what it's like to live with PTSD and/ or bipolar than someone who leaves you alone when you cry and have anxiety attacks, feel triggered etc.
I told them that I have a trauma and a bit about my trauma. I felt really dirty afterwards with the other person. He seemed to get aroused by the way I was abused.


You've been through spirit breaking things, and that last part physically hurt to read. You're a warrior for enduring what you've been through and still standing, AND you're out here supporting others going through hard times. I respect that more then I know how to describe with words.

I've never been in a serious relationship, but I definitely relate to being left to deal with my problems alone. Friends and family will tell my that they're here for me if I ever need to talk, but when I talk to my friends and family, they don't want to listen, and they tell me to talk to doctors. They never try to help me when I'm having anxiety or depression. From 12 and on I've dealt with my emotional trauma by myself so I don't burden loved ones.

I would listen to my friends all day, I want to hear everything they have to say and I want to know how they feel. And I also want that for me. My guy friends have never been supportive of me, but they've always come to me for support. I don't help to get things, but I just want to know my friends care about me because it helps a lot when I'm going through my lowest times.

I've had a friend I could talk to, but I had a manic episode recently and I was really mean to her. I'm friends with her husband too, and I got really hostile towards him. I thought he was abusing and bullying her, so I got had a psychotic episode on top of the mania and started accusing him of being a horrible person. When my other friend messaged me and told me he's really not a bad guy and I'm crazy I decided I have to go back to the hospital for awhile.

On top of believing he was abusing my other friend, I realizing he didn't really care about me. My other friend (his wife) is really supportive, compassionate, and kind. But when my and his relationship fells about, mine and her relationship ends. I don't expect her to be friends with me if I'm not friends with her husband because it could put a strain on their relationship, but it sucks because it feels like I ruined a great part of my life. It feels like my soul get hit with a steel chair. But I really appreciate the reply from you cause it really feels like you understand what I'm going through.
 
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