Should I tell someone what happened to me?

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khuang

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One of my Facebook friends is the kid whose accident made me hit rock bottom during my senior year of high school. My question is this: Should I tell him what effect his accident had on me? I need to move past this but I keep trying to repress everything. I even saw him once in public and I literally ran and hid covering my face because I thought that maybe he could read my mind and see how I was jealous of how everyone cared about him and not me and think that I was an awful person for having such thoughts. Should I tell him and hope he won't hate me? I mean I did SI myself because of how I felt about the accident. I've been wondering for awhile now if I should or should not tell him.
 
naominash

naominash

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It depends, what expectations would you have on his reaction?

Confessing the dark parts of ourselves can often bring healing, if the other person accepts us lovingly.

It can also bring healing just in itself.

I don't know whether you should talk to that other guy, but you should definitely talk about it to someone you trust.

Don't feel like you have to bottle everything up.
 
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khuang

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That's just it. I don't know how he would react but I think maybe telling him this and hearing him say that I'm not a horrible person for the thoughts will make me better.
 
Nikita

Nikita

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Khuang,I don't think it is a good idea to tell the person who had the accident that you are jealous of the attention it got him.That may upset him and he may think it is odd.It sounds a bit childish too.I don't want to sound cruel but you may end up embarrassing yourself.

Having said that,now I have made you aware of the possible pitfalls in confessing,you might want to go ahead and say something,maybe in a joking way,say something like,'Gosh you have no idea how I wish it was me had an accident like you so I could get some love,care and attention from some attractive nurses and it would make my family stop taking me for granted.'

Then you can ask him if that was his experience of it all or if the worst parts weren't worth going through for the good parts.You may bond and get closer after that.No need to feel guilty for wanting some of the love and attention too,we all crave that!
 
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khuang

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Khuang,I don't think it is a good idea to tell the person who had the accident that you are jealous of the attention it got him.That may upset him and he may think it is odd.It sounds a bit childish too.I don't want to sound cruel but you may end up embarrassing yourself.

Having said that,now I have made you aware of the possible pitfalls in confessing,you might want to go ahead and say something,maybe in a joking way,say something like,'Gosh you have no idea how I wish it was me had an accident like you so I could get some love,care and attention from some attractive nurses and it would make my family stop taking me for granted.'

Then you can ask him if that was his experience of it all or if the worst parts weren't worth going through for the good parts.You may bond and get closer after that.No need to feel guilty for wanting some of the love and attention too,we all crave that!

I get what you are saying but even if I talk to others about this, the whole thing never makes me feel better. And when I said that the one time I saw the kid and I ran and hid my face because looking at him made me feel like a horrible person, I mean it. I immediately ran behind a potted plant, crouched down and covered my face for about five minutes. This behavior isn't normal under any circumstances. The whole thing has pretty much traumatized me pretty badly and even when I talk about it, I don't feel any better. I'm constantly afraid that if I talk about it people will think I'm a horrible person for having such thoughts and they will hate me. I've been living like this for almost 13 years now. I don't know how much longer I can deal with this. It's a miracle really that I didn't and never started drinking to force myself to forget all of this. Alcohol was pretty common in my house and I knew where it was. My family just didn't drink it that often except holidays and special occasions. I actually wonder sometimes if I had started drinking back then if it would have helped repress the thoughts? I just can't get past of all of this no matter what.
 
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khuang

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The guy just randomly messaged me on Facebook asking how I am doing. I don't know what to do now. Should I be honest and tell him that while a few good things have happened to me but I still have so many issues or should I lie and act like everything is fine?
 
Nikita

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It is an opportunity to achieve closure on this issue, at least reply to him and reestablish contact,when you feel comfortable enough with him tell him how much his accident affects you.It is about time you dealt with all the emotions and trauma around this and talking to him might help, what is there to lose,cos you have suffered enough Khaung,his reaction will either be a relief or make you feel worse but you feel bad already!
 
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angel01

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I was jealous of how everyone cared about him and not me
In my opinion the ultimate problem comes from within you, you feel unloved and uncared for and that people do not want you. I do not believe this is gonna change even if you tell the kid that you are envious of his/her accident and the attention he/she gets. I think you need to go deeper than that and examine what it is that is actually making you feel that way. Are you unhappy in your life? Do you feel left out? It would be a better way to solve the problem by digging deeper within you...
Now I know your actual question was whether telling the kid is a good idea. It depends how vulnerable and sensitive the kid is with the topic.
 
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khuang

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I still never told the kid but I am friends on Facebook with someone else who had a similar bad car accident. Would talking to him about the thoughts that keep haunting me and how they make me feel be a good idea? Should I ask him if someone said this to him how would he feel? I don't want to keep trying to repress these thoughts and refusing to tell people what had happened to me. Would this be a good staring point for me?
 
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