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Should I tell my friends about my depression?

S

Sweven

Member
Joined
Oct 28, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Germany
Hey, new user here, I have a question that's been on my mind since yesterday.
Feel free to go straight to an answer after reading the title, but if you don't mind reading the total backstory, I've written it below. I apologize if it seems too long-winded.

Backstory: I have never told any friends before about my depression. My mom knows -- she too had battled with depression and has tried to help me as best she can. But aside from that, I have always been too embarrassed to be frank about my disorder even in front of doctors. I have often canceled (or simply didn't show up to) meetings, meet-ups, dates, etc., because of depression; I've ghosted people I otherwise liked because of it; and all of it makes me feel guilty and hate myself, because I know I've passed on many extremely valuable chances in life as a result. I've lost friends, job opportunities, potential dates...
Slowly, I've been building a social network of friends. It started with two BFF's (I'll call them my girl-BFF and my guy-BFF), whom I've met IRL and who I've been texting on a daily basis for the past 2+ years. After finishing my bachelor's thesis and receiving my graduation documents, I felt depression-free for once, and didn't have any episodes for at least 2-3 months. I became brave enough to ask to hang out with my BFF's in real life (after having declined their invitations in the years prior time and time again), and we started to meet up (mostly over video/voice chat) and play games on practically a daily basis now. I met their friends, they became my friends, I made friends online, and I had a big enough, close-knit friend circle that we had our own Discord groups and message board (some of which I organized).

The problem that started it all: Yesterday I started to finalize plans for a covid-safe Halloween party (with a remote version as back-up just in case). I probably became triggered by the thought that nobody except my girl-BFF and I would bother to participate, and that I was foolish to think that anybody would want to hang out with me just because we game and swap memes together. My depressive episode came on very suddenly and hit immediately; during our gaming session, I was extraordinarily quiet, irritable and unfocused. I was obviously spoiling the conversation and the mood, and I should have gone offline, but stupidly I stuck around. The others wondered if I was sick or just being a weird douche. At the time I was dimly aware that I was in an episode but I didn't have the strength to voice what my problem was. I went to bed crying, I had suicidal thoughts, I woke up crying, but while still in my episode I recalled doctors' advice and tried to follow it (so: don't neglect self-care; distract yourself from destructive thoughts through creative and eco-therapy and by doing house chores; take supplements; avoid bad foods; and journal). Writing is my favorite and most effective therapy.

My problem: I still felt embarrassed about the way I had behaved yesterday. I feel like a jerk. I also think that I could've saved myself in the past by being more open about my disorder. After all, when you're physically ill, you aren't afraid to tell people about it (usually). So I think I owe my friends, at the very least my two BFFs an apology.

I've told my two BFFs already. I'm wondering if I should tell the others that I gamed with that evening. My girl-BFF, whom I've known the longest out of my friends and to whom I'm also the closest, was very supportive and understanding, and treats mental health issues like physical issues. She's happy that I've apologized but also promises to be non-judgmental and supportive in the future, in case it happens again. I can also trust that she won't tell others about it because she isn't a gossip. So I'm happy with how that turned out. We're already back on good terms.

My guy-BFF didn't know what to do with my apology, was confused that there was anything to apologize about, and hasn't responded to me since I've sent him an explanation of what RBD is (he has definitely seen my message long ago). I know that he's fought with depression himself and has a habit of ignoring questions or topics that he thinks are awkward or that he doesn't want to answer. I'm afraid that I might've messed up by telling him this and that he probably thinks it was TMI. I'll update with his response, if he responds. He's more of a gossip than my girl-BFF, so I wonder if he's going to tell our mutual friends about my disorder. I think he's suspected it for a long time already, because we'd frequently swap self-deprecatory "depression" memes, which I think is a coping mechanism for many young people suffering from depression and anxiety.

To reiterate my question, I wonder what you think about telling people that you frequently game or chat with that you have depression. The one simple question snowballs into many others: Do you think it's TMI, and none of their business? Do you think only close friends should be told? When you're in the middle of an episode, should you tell them what's going on, or would that be an unfair burden to them? Would it be off-putting to them if they know you have RBD? Would they be less likely to hang out with you IRL or even online after finding that out?
 
Talina

Talina

Well-known member
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Joined
May 14, 2020
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768
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Sweden
I think it come to who the person is and if you can open up. Myself haven’t opened up to my friends except one that also struggling with depression. Because it became easier for me to support her when she knew I was also struggling and make her sure that I will always be by her side. Because she had lost friends when they knew about her struggles.

Some people can’t handle or be supportive to people that have mental health issues. I think you can apologize to the people and tell them you had a really bad day which made you act that way. But if it’s a good group and you know they will support and be understanding you can open up.

So it all will come how the personal chemistry of the group of friends and how much you trust them 😊

From my side I think it’s okay with your BFF knows but I’m not that sure of a large group of people knowing, you know them best. So weight the cons and pros if it will be worth it. I think your BFFs can maybe support you and be there. But when we open up to other people we will also put a certain burden on them.

I’m one of them that can feel helping friends with their problems can become too much and can make me feel worse with my mental health. So you also need to think from their perspective and if they will be able to handle to carry it.
 
Hello513

Hello513

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 24, 2018
Messages
2,402
Location
THE DEATH STAR.
Hey, new user here, I have a question that's been on my mind since yesterday.
Feel free to go straight to an answer after reading the title, but if you don't mind reading the total backstory, I've written it below. I apologize if it seems too long-winded.

Backstory: I have never told any friends before about my depression. My mom knows -- she too had battled with depression and has tried to help me as best she can. But aside from that, I have always been too embarrassed to be frank about my disorder even in front of doctors. I have often canceled (or simply didn't show up to) meetings, meet-ups, dates, etc., because of depression; I've ghosted people I otherwise liked because of it; and all of it makes me feel guilty and hate myself, because I know I've passed on many extremely valuable chances in life as a result. I've lost friends, job opportunities, potential dates...
Slowly, I've been building a social network of friends. It started with two BFF's (I'll call them my girl-BFF and my guy-BFF), whom I've met IRL and who I've been texting on a daily basis for the past 2+ years. After finishing my bachelor's thesis and receiving my graduation documents, I felt depression-free for once, and didn't have any episodes for at least 2-3 months. I became brave enough to ask to hang out with my BFF's in real life (after having declined their invitations in the years prior time and time again), and we started to meet up (mostly over video/voice chat) and play games on practically a daily basis now. I met their friends, they became my friends, I made friends online, and I had a big enough, close-knit friend circle that we had our own Discord groups and message board (some of which I organized).

The problem that started it all: Yesterday I started to finalize plans for a covid-safe Halloween party (with a remote version as back-up just in case). I probably became triggered by the thought that nobody except my girl-BFF and I would bother to participate, and that I was foolish to think that anybody would want to hang out with me just because we game and swap memes together. My depressive episode came on very suddenly and hit immediately; during our gaming session, I was extraordinarily quiet, irritable and unfocused. I was obviously spoiling the conversation and the mood, and I should have gone offline, but stupidly I stuck around. The others wondered if I was sick or just being a weird douche. At the time I was dimly aware that I was in an episode but I didn't have the strength to voice what my problem was. I went to bed crying, I had suicidal thoughts, I woke up crying, but while still in my episode I recalled doctors' advice and tried to follow it (so: don't neglect self-care; distract yourself from destructive thoughts through creative and eco-therapy and by doing house chores; take supplements; avoid bad foods; and journal). Writing is my favorite and most effective therapy.

My problem: I still felt embarrassed about the way I had behaved yesterday. I feel like a jerk. I also think that I could've saved myself in the past by being more open about my disorder. After all, when you're physically ill, you aren't afraid to tell people about it (usually). So I think I owe my friends, at the very least my two BFFs an apology.

I've told my two BFFs already. I'm wondering if I should tell the others that I gamed with that evening. My girl-BFF, whom I've known the longest out of my friends and to whom I'm also the closest, was very supportive and understanding, and treats mental health issues like physical issues. She's happy that I've apologized but also promises to be non-judgmental and supportive in the future, in case it happens again. I can also trust that she won't tell others about it because she isn't a gossip. So I'm happy with how that turned out. We're already back on good terms.

My guy-BFF didn't know what to do with my apology, was confused that there was anything to apologize about, and hasn't responded to me since I've sent him an explanation of what RBD is (he has definitely seen my message long ago). I know that he's fought with depression himself and has a habit of ignoring questions or topics that he thinks are awkward or that he doesn't want to answer. I'm afraid that I might've messed up by telling him this and that he probably thinks it was TMI. I'll update with his response, if he responds. He's more of a gossip than my girl-BFF, so I wonder if he's going to tell our mutual friends about my disorder. I think he's suspected it for a long time already, because we'd frequently swap self-deprecatory "depression" memes, which I think is a coping mechanism for many young people suffering from depression and anxiety.

To reiterate my question, I wonder what you think about telling people that you frequently game or chat with that you have depression. The one simple question snowballs into many others: Do you think it's TMI, and none of their business? Do you think only close friends should be told? When you're in the middle of an episode, should you tell them what's going on, or would that be an unfair burden to them? Would it be off-putting to them if they know you have RBD? Would they be less likely to hang out with you IRL or even online after finding that out?

I have had multiple different experiences with disclosure. While disclosure can feel liberating many people will not understand, and possibly cut you off. This happened with my first group of friends who all cut me off due to my condition.

However recently I disclosed to my new friends, and it doesn't seem to bother them. They have all been very supportive. Its your call, but everybody reacts differently to this kind of thing and it can be hard to predict.

On the flip side whenever I have hid my condition it still caused problems, and not giving people a chance to understand me they eventually cut mw off anyways never knowing why I was acting the way I was.
 
S

Sweven

Member
Joined
Oct 28, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Germany
I think it come to who the person is and if you can open up. Myself haven’t opened up to my friends except one that also struggling with depression. Because it became easier for me to support her when she knew I was also struggling and make her sure that I will always be by her side. Because she had lost friends when they knew about her struggles.

Some people can’t handle or be supportive to people that have mental health issues. I think you can apologize to the people and tell them you had a really bad day which made you act that way. But if it’s a good group and you know they will support and be understanding you can open up.

So it all will come how the personal chemistry of the group of friends and how much you trust them 😊

From my side I think it’s okay with your BFF knows but I’m not that sure of a large group of people knowing, you know them best. So weight the cons and pros if it will be worth it. I think your BFFs can maybe support you and be there. But when we open up to other people we will also put a certain burden on them.

I’m one of them that can feel helping friends with their problems can become too much and can make me feel worse with my mental health. So you also need to think from their perspective and if they will be able to handle to carry it.
Telling the others that I had a bad day sounds like a good idea. Apologizing to my BFFs and explaining the situation to them is probably for the best, at least my girl-BFF is accepting and supportive; my guy-BFF who has his own struggles will probably take it in stride and just carry on as if nothing's happened, since that appears to be his response to anything that is awkward or negative or strenuous.
To the others, since I don't know them too well, I'll just apologize for having a bad mood because of a rough day. That's a good middle ground.
 
S

Sweven

Member
Joined
Oct 28, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Germany
I have had multiple different experiences with disclosure. While disclosure can feel liberating many people will not understand, and possibly cut you off. This happened with my first group of friends who all cut me off due to my condition.

However recently I disclosed to my new friends, and it doesn't seem to bother them. They have all been very supportive. Its your call, but everybody reacts differently to this kind of thing and it can be hard to predict.

On the flip side whenever I have hid my condition it still caused problems, and not giving people a chance to understand me they eventually cut mw off anyways never knowing why I was acting the way I was.
Thank you for sharing your experience! I agree that hiding the condition will turn people away no matter what -- that's been my experience as well. In my case, I'd have an episode, and then withdraw, and that would be the awkward end of that relationship. I'd barely even give them time to cut me off because I'd irrationally ghost them first.
At least if I tell others, they will know that I have a problem that sometimes appears, but when I'm not having an episode, I'm a different and way more likable person. Then it's their call how they process this info. If they want to ostracize me because of it, it would hurt, but then I'd know that they aren't good friends, because in my book a good friend doesn't alienate or judge another person just for having depressive episodes (or any kind of disorder for that matter). I'm not actually asking them for emotional support, I just want them to accept my apology so that we can keep our relationship going.

I'm glad that your friends are being supportive! Maybe it has something to do with maturity or just being with the right crowd of people. My girl-BFF has also been very supportive. My guy-BFF responds differently, he has fought against depression (of a different kind than mine) as well, and frankly I'm still wondering if he's going to ghost me after my apology and explanation, even though I've tried reaching out to him again an hour ago. I guess we'll see.

As for the others that I don't know very well... those that haven't seen me during an episode don't really need an explanation, and those that have, well, I don't know how they'd react and I'll be cautious and just apologize for having been in a bad mood. If we get closer and it happens again, I can explain it in more detail then. My girl-BFF has also said that she'll stand by me if I do come out with it to others, and she has a strong and confident character so if somebody has a problem with my having depressive episodes she'll "set them straight" <3 I feel blessed to have such a friend.
 
Hello513

Hello513

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 24, 2018
Messages
2,402
Location
THE DEATH STAR.
Thank you for sharing your experience! I agree that hiding the condition will turn people away no matter what -- that's been my experience as well. In my case, I'd have an episode, and then withdraw, and that would be the awkward end of that relationship. I'd barely even give them time to cut me off because I'd irrationally ghost them first.
At least if I tell others, they will know that I have a problem that sometimes appears, but when I'm not having an episode, I'm a different and way more likable person. Then it's their call how they process this info. If they want to ostracize me because of it, it would hurt, but then I'd know that they aren't good friends, because in my book a good friend doesn't alienate or judge another person just for having depressive episodes (or any kind of disorder for that matter). I'm not actually asking them for emotional support, I just want them to accept my apology so that we can keep our relationship going.

I'm glad that your friends are being supportive! Maybe it has something to do with maturity or just being with the right crowd of people. My girl-BFF has also been very supportive. My guy-BFF responds differently, he has fought against depression (of a different kind than mine) as well, and frankly I'm still wondering if he's going to ghost me after my apology and explanation, even though I've tried reaching out to him again an hour ago. I guess we'll see.

As for the others that I don't know very well... those that haven't seen me during an episode don't really need an explanation, and those that have, well, I don't know how they'd react and I'll be cautious and just apologize for having been in a bad mood. If we get closer and it happens again, I can explain it in more detail then. My girl-BFF has also said that she'll stand by me if I do come out with it to others, and she has a strong and confident character so if somebody has a problem with my having depressive episodes she'll "set them straight" <3 I feel blessed to have such a friend.
I totally get where you are comming from as I am a totally different person durring an episode compared to when I am not in one.
 
K

kubelkabondy

New member
Joined
Oct 28, 2020
Messages
4
Location
USA
Hey, new user here, I have a question that's been on my mind since yesterday.
Feel free to go straight to an answer after reading the title, but if you don't mind reading the total backstory, I've written it below. I apologize if it seems too long-winded.

Backstory: I have never told any friends before about my depression. My mom knows -- she too had battled with depression and has tried to help me as best she can. But aside from that, I have always been too embarrassed to be frank about my disorder even in front of doctors. I have often canceled (or simply didn't show up to) meetings, meet-ups, dates, etc., because of depression; I've ghosted people I otherwise liked because of it; and all of it makes me feel guilty and hate myself, because I know I've passed on many extremely valuable chances in life as a result. I've lost friends, job opportunities, potential dates...
Slowly, I've been building a social network of friends. It started with two BFF's (I'll call them my girl-BFF and my guy-BFF), whom I've met IRL and who I've been texting on a daily basis for the past 2+ years. After finishing my bachelor's thesis and receiving my graduation documents, I felt depression-free for once, and didn't have any episodes for at least 2-3 months. I became brave enough to ask to hang out with my BFF's in real life (after having declined their invitations in the years prior time and time again), and we started to meet up (mostly over video/voice chat) and play games on practically a daily basis now. I met their friends, they became my friends, I made friends online, and I had a big enough, close-knit friend circle that we had our own Discord groups and message board (some of which I organized).

The problem that started it all: Yesterday I started to finalize plans for a covid-safe Halloween party (with a remote version as back-up just in case). I probably became triggered by the thought that nobody except my girl-BFF and I would bother to participate, and that I was foolish to think that anybody would want to hang out with me just because we game and swap memes together. My depressive episode came on very suddenly and hit immediately; during our gaming session, I was extraordinarily quiet, irritable and unfocused. I was obviously spoiling the conversation and the mood, and I should have gone offline, but stupidly I stuck around. The others wondered if I was sick or just being a weird douche. At the time I was dimly aware that I was in an episode but I didn't have the strength to voice what my problem was. I went to bed crying, I had suicidal thoughts, I woke up crying, but while still in my episode I recalled doctors' advice and tried to follow it (so: don't neglect self-care; distract yourself from destructive thoughts through creative and eco-therapy and by doing house chores; take supplements; avoid bad foods; and journal). Writing is my favorite and most effective therapy.

My problem: I still felt embarrassed about the way I had behaved yesterday. I feel like a jerk. I also think that I could've saved myself in the past by being more open about my disorder. After all, when you're physically ill, you aren't afraid to tell people about it (usually). So I think I owe my friends, at the very least my two BFFs an apology.

I've told my two BFFs already. I'm wondering if I should tell the others that I gamed with that evening. My girl-BFF, whom I've known the longest out of my friends and to whom I'm also the closest, was very supportive and understanding, and treats mental health issues like physical issues. She's happy that I've apologized but also promises to be non-judgmental and supportive in the future, in case it happens again. I can also trust that she won't tell others about it because she isn't a gossip. So I'm happy with how that turned out. We're already back on good terms.

My guy-BFF didn't know what to do with my apology, was confused that there was anything to apologize about, and hasn't responded to me since I've sent him an explanation of what RBD is (he has definitely seen my message long ago). I know that he's fought with depression himself and has a habit of ignoring questions or topics that he thinks are awkward or that he doesn't want to answer. I'm afraid that I might've messed up by telling him this and that he probably thinks it was TMI. I'll update with his response, if he responds. He's more of a gossip than my girl-BFF, so I wonder if he's going to tell our mutual friends about my disorder. I think he's suspected it for a long time already, because we'd frequently swap self-deprecatory "depression" memes, which I think is a coping mechanism for many young people suffering from depression and anxiety.

To reiterate my question, I wonder what you think about telling people that you frequently game or chat with that you have depression. The one simple question snowballs into many others: Do you think it's TMI, and none of their business? Do you think only close friends should be told? When you're in the middle of an episode, should you tell them what's going on, or would that be an unfair burden to them? Would it be off-putting to them if they know you have RBD? Would they be less likely to hang out with you IRL or even online after finding that out?
Yes, I think you should feel comfortable telling your friends. This is not to say that you HAVE to tell everyone in your life. But if you choose not to tell someone, shame or embarrassment shouldn't be what's holding you back. By acknowledging your mental health struggles, you're not only inviting others to know you on a deeper level, but you're also helping to de-stigmatize mental health issues for the rest of society.

Personally, I tell most friends and acquaintances about my depression because it's a big part of my lived experience and therefore it's a big part of me. You shouldn't feel that you have to hide a part of yourself just because it's a "downer" or because society deems it an awkward conversation topic.

If you feel that you behaved rudely towards your friends because of a depressive episode, explaining this to them will likely enable them to be more patient and understanding. If they ostracize you for it, you should question whether you really want to be friends with them in the first place.

Talking about your mental health can make you feel really vulnerable, but remember, vulnerability is one of the key ingredients to a meaningful relationship.
 
M

Mistral

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 28, 2011
Messages
429
You should be very very wary about telling people about your depression. I told some people about it after I was hospitalised because of depression. Only very close friends and close relatives were genuinely supportive. That is the way it is I am afraid. In fact only one non-relative was supportive and that was someone who I had known for decades, since I was 11 years old. I had officiated at his wedding and been on several holidays with him. We used to be called the twins by some people as we seemed to be always in each others company.
 
T

treasurebox

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Joined
Aug 14, 2018
Messages
263
Location
Philippines
I think it would be good to tell your closest friends. They might be of help in your situation. True friends will stay, understand and support you.
 
S

sallimae76

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 18, 2019
Messages
666
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USA
Keep it close to the vest. The less people that need to know, the better.
 
D

Dispatch

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532
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After thinking about this, I think I would forget all about it and pick up right where you left off with everyone 😐
 
S

Sweven

Member
Joined
Oct 28, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Germany
Yes, I think you should feel comfortable telling your friends. This is not to say that you HAVE to tell everyone in your life. But if you choose not to tell someone, shame or embarrassment shouldn't be what's holding you back. By acknowledging your mental health struggles, you're not only inviting others to know you on a deeper level, but you're also helping to de-stigmatize mental health issues for the rest of society.

Personally, I tell most friends and acquaintances about my depression because it's a big part of my lived experience and therefore it's a big part of me. You shouldn't feel that you have to hide a part of yourself just because it's a "downer" or because society deems it an awkward conversation topic.

If you feel that you behaved rudely towards your friends because of a depressive episode, explaining this to them will likely enable them to be more patient and understanding. If they ostracize you for it, you should question whether you really want to be friends with them in the first place.

Talking about your mental health can make you feel really vulnerable, but remember, vulnerability is one of the key ingredients to a meaningful relationship.
You should be very very wary about telling people about your depression. I told some people about it after I was hospitalised because of depression. Only very close friends and close relatives were genuinely supportive. That is the way it is I am afraid. In fact only one non-relative was supportive and that was someone who I had known for decades, since I was 11 years old. I had officiated at his wedding and been on several holidays with him. We used to be called the twins by some people as we seemed to be always in each others company.
Thank you and everyone else for the advice. There's a lot of different perspectives here and I find them all very fascinating.

First, a positive update from yesterday:
I have already mentioned that I had told my closest female BFF about my episode. She was happy that I confided in her, she is very supportive, and overall it was generally the right decision because if I hadn't told her, should would have thought that I was angry at her for something and she would've been upset at herself and at me. So telling her was the right thing to do and it's a load off my shoulders. She's said that from now on, if she notices signs that I'm in an episode, she will help me to navigate it by texting me reminders for medication, therapy etc. I also know not to engage in group activities during episodes, but if I still do it, she'll gently remind me to distance myself until it's over. Which I greatly appreciate.

My male BFF, who has also fought and is still fighting with a different kind of depression, was confused at first that I had apologized, and then didn't respond for several hours when I explained that I had had a severe depressive episode for seemingly no reason, and that I didn't want him or the others to think that I was being nasty towards them deliberately or anything. Eventually he did respond, and was also very positive and supportive <3 he said that what happened wasn't as bad as I'm making it out to be, that I shouldn't overthink it, and that we're all friends and can forgive and forget. In future, he said, if it happens, I don't need to apologize to him or to his friends, because it's just something that happens sometimes. He also has his moments where he ducks down for weeks; he also has social anxiety and hates meeting up in public; so he's very understanding and can relate to what I'm going through.

I agree that being frank about one's disorders is a good way towards de-stigmatizing mental illnesses, because they are no different than physical illnesses. I also agree that people that one is close with ought to know; and if they react negatively, then they were toxic people from the start and don't belong in one's life anyway. However, if one keeps it to oneself, on risks losing valuable relationships over miscommunication, which could have been avoided.

When it comes to workplaces, just like with any other illness, they don't need to know the details; going to the doctor and sending in an attest is sufficient; it's even illegal (at least where I live) for colleagues or employers to snoop about your health unless it's directly concerned with the work you do.

When it comes to acquaintances, or just friends that you don't know so well, I'm still on the fence. If they don't need to know, then there's no sense in telling them of course. If they've witnessed you going through an episode, then it might make sense to tell them that you were sick, were in a bad mood or even that you had an episode -- I suppose if you don't treat it like it's something shameful (which it isn't), then neither will they (ideally). In my case, a third option presented itself which I wasn't even aware of, namely having your close friends tactfully explain it to others for you. That's what both of my BFFs have said they will do, with my permission, so that I don't have to apologize for something that they don't see as my fault, and also so that I won't risk alienating friends I'm not very close to by dropping a confession on them.

What makes me feel very good about the whole thing is that both of my BFFs have told me that I shouldn't feel guilty about it. It's the first time that anybody aside from my mom (and doctors of course) has told me not to feel guilty about my episodes. This was the first time I came out to anyone from my social network about my depression. A good friend will understand that episodes are part of an illness, that they are hard to control and withstand, and that they do not reflect who you really are. In my case, most of the time I'm a different person. However, even when I'm not in the middle of an episode, I usually still feel guilty about my episodes, and that guilt compounds with other small triggers (like social anxiety, rejection, little mistakes) into causing another episode. It's a vicious cycle, but I'm on the right path to breaking it, big thanks to you guys and to my close friends and my mom.

That said, if anybody has more advice on this situation, I'd love to hear it. I think this is a topic that's on the mind of many people with disorders and hopefully others can benefit from this discussion as well <3
 
Talina

Talina

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That’s great your friends are supportive of you and that they will help. You have great BFFs and I’m glad it’s working out for you ☺
 
K

katwomyn3

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Location
Los angeles
What I have learned so far, is that most of the time you can't help but overthink your episodes no matter how big or small. And that is okay. It is an amazing feeling of validation when a friend responds kindly and in an understanding way. I hope from this experience you have gotten the validation that your feelings are real and they are not a complete reflection of who you are as a person. They do not make you less kind, fun or a gamer. I've learned the less you hide or downplay when depressive episodes come about, the less shame you feel in the long run. Everyone is our lives react differently to when we are honest about these things. But, the good people stick around and may respond in kindly right or take a little longer. It seems you know who to tell these kinds of things to, but as you said your male friend reacts and takes in things differently as well. And you are a friend to him as well to be able to have the patience to see how he will react to these types of situations as well. I am sure that your reaction to his response and your understanding helped him as well since he struggles in a similar way as you do. There is a lot of gratification in helping someone in your same boat, that is depression, when you of all people can relate.
This demon that is depression makes us think we are isolated, but if strip apart the small details such as your male friend reacts to it, and unify under how it affects us overall, then you are part of the solution and can make an environment in which you could feel safe as well as your friends. That saying where, I believe they say a drowning person can't save another is wrong in this case.
 
S

Sweven

Member
Joined
Oct 28, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Germany
What I have learned so far, is that most of the time you can't help but overthink your episodes no matter how big or small. And that is okay. It is an amazing feeling of validation when a friend responds kindly and in an understanding way. I hope from this experience you have gotten the validation that your feelings are real and they are not a complete reflection of who you are as a person. They do not make you less kind, fun or a gamer. I've learned the less you hide or downplay when depressive episodes come about, the less shame you feel in the long run. Everyone is our lives react differently to when we are honest about these things. But, the good people stick around and may respond in kindly right or take a little longer. It seems you know who to tell these kinds of things to, but as you said your male friend reacts and takes in things differently as well. And you are a friend to him as well to be able to have the patience to see how he will react to these types of situations as well. I am sure that your reaction to his response and your understanding helped him as well since he struggles in a similar way as you do. There is a lot of gratification in helping someone in your same boat, that is depression, when you of all people can relate.
This demon that is depression makes us think we are isolated, but if strip apart the small details such as your male friend reacts to it, and unify under how it affects us overall, then you are part of the solution and can make an environment in which you could feel safe as well as your friends. That saying where, I believe they say a drowning person can't save another is wrong in this case.
Very well put. Communication really is key, and it's something that my mom has ingrained in my head since I was a kid. "Ask and you might get an answer; never ask and you'll never get an answer." It's the same with issues in one's life, especially regarding mental health. Patience is another virtue. I was unsure how my male BFF would react, but I thought to myself that I shouldn't make any assumptions until he responds, and obviously that's the best way to go about things, because as you've said people respond in different ways. Being super self-conscious about my episodes doesn't help matters, but it's great to hear the perspectives from others and to finally realize that I really was overthinking things. It's kinda funny because if any of my friends or acquaintances is in a bad mood, I'd do anything I could to lift them out of it, or I'd just let it slide, knowing that it isn't reflective of who they are 99% of the time. But after I've had an episode, I think of myself as the lamest jerk in the world and expect everybody else to hate me right away -- it didn't occur to me until recently that people other than my mom can forgive me or let my episodes slide. It certainly gives me hope that it is absolutely possible for me to make new friends or even date somebody, as long as I don't make the assumption from the get-go that I'll be or am hated for no good reason.

And like you said, a drowning person can absolutely help another drowning person! One could free the other if they're tangled, or they can calm each other down and swim ashore. We're both fighting this; and two heads are better than one.
 
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