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Should I tell my friend the truth

K

kirbs

New member
Joined
Apr 16, 2020
Messages
4
Location
Earth
Hi Guys, I'll try to keep it short

I've been hanging around with a colleague for 5 years. He views me as closer than I view him. Truth is: I've never seen him as a friend as I don't feel like I can trust him with stuff (with other people I do feel I can trust them so it's not me I think I just don't trust him on a deeper level).

After 5 years I've taken steps to distance myself from him because I don't want to lie to people near to me about how I truly feel. So now is the question: how do I deal with him. I've already tried telling him the truth once but he reacted very intensely and seemed dumbfounded so I took it back and said it was just a lie because I didn't want to ruin his feels. He has said that I am the only friend he trusts in 10 years so I don't want to ruin all his trust in others also because I don't think he would cope. It's relatively easy for me to just quit work and I won't have to see him and also because COVID-19 I'd have a good way not to see him (he would believe me I know this because without meaning to be mean I don't think he's that smart that he would understand I'd not be truthful).

Does anyone have any advice. I feel bad that things went like this and he wants to be around me because I just saw him as a colleague I could spend time with and work with in a fun way but never truly trusted him because of things he did. I feel so bad about this whole thing and don't want to literally destroy his trust in people but I just can't be around him anymore. Can someone help me?
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
5,184
Location
Nashua NH
Hi Guys, I'll try to keep it short

I've been hanging around with a colleague for 5 years. He views me as closer than I view him. Truth is: I've never seen him as a friend as I don't feel like I can trust him with stuff (with other people I do feel I can trust them so it's not me I think I just don't trust him on a deeper level).

After 5 years I've taken steps to distance myself from him because I don't want to lie to people near to me about how I truly feel. So now is the question: how do I deal with him. I've already tried telling him the truth once but he reacted very intensely and seemed dumbfounded so I took it back and said it was just a lie because I didn't want to ruin his feels. He has said that I am the only friend he trusts in 10 years so I don't want to ruin all his trust in others also because I don't think he would cope. It's relatively easy for me to just quit work and I won't have to see him and also because COVID-19 I'd have a good way not to see him (he would believe me I know this because without meaning to be mean I don't think he's that smart that he would understand I'd not be truthful).

Does anyone have any advice. I feel bad that things went like this and he wants to be around me because I just saw him as a colleague I could spend time with and work with in a fun way but never truly trusted him because of things he did. I feel so bad about this whole thing and don't want to literally destroy his trust in people but I just can't be around him anymore. Can someone help me?
I’d just continue to distance yourself from him and if he asks about it just tell him that you have had s lot on your plate/mind lately and just leave it at that.
 
Zackthemaniac

Zackthemaniac

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
1,304
Location
North Carolina
Id be honest. If he likes you hes just gonna keep trying and I dont support Ghosting as I know how bad it feels. Tell him the truth. He'll get over it.
 
K

kirbs

New member
Joined
Apr 16, 2020
Messages
4
Location
Earth
Thanks for the replies guys. I tried telling him the truth 1 before but he took it so bad I retracted it. Weirdly, I think he might prefer not knowing the truth.

I haven't contacted him for a few days now but he hasn't really contacted me much either so yeah... I think I'll continue this way. Thank you again for your comments it is appreciated.
 
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