Should I tell my colleague with TS that I have feelings for him?

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pjsoles

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Feb 24, 2018
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#1
I recently learned that a colleague I'm getting very close to has TS. I honestly never realised about his tics before or gave much of a though to them when they happened. I just assumed they were this cute thing he does sometimes. We have been spending a lot of time together lately. I suspected he fancied me for some time, and a few days ago we were alone and his tics went slightly out of control. That's when it all became clear and I realised he had TS.

I have become very attached to him. He's the sweetest person I know, he's smart and funny and so caring. I just wanted to be his friend, but in the last couple months I have developed feelings for him. This is very wrong, not only because we work together, I'm his senior and older than him, but because I have a long-term relationship with my boyfriend and I love him. I don't want to leave him for anything in the world, but at the same time I really like my colleague as more than a friend, which is making me question my entire life.

I have been thinking about just speaking to my colleague honestly about this, but since I realised about his TS, I am scared that this will cause too much harm and will make him very unhappy if we can't take our relationship any further. I don't want to hurt anybody :(
 
Cazcat

Cazcat

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#2
Ultimately you need to have an honest conversation with him in a sensitive way just like you would with anyone else. Explain that you are in a relationship and if you have been encouraging this person's affections apologise for your behaviour. It sounds like as his senior you should have behaved in a more professional manner and not encouraged his affections, you owe it to him to start being professional and to ensure that his career doesn't suffer as a result. Relationships at work often end badly for at least one person. I don't think his mental illness (if he has one) is the issue here. Just treat him kindly like you would anyone else.
 
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Paranoid_Android

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Nov 29, 2017
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#3
Are you sure he's into you that way? Like has he communicated with you verbally. I normally only tic when I'm stressed out, not because I'm into someone. I know everyone's not the same but if I found out my boss was into my I'd be really stressed out because I'd be scared of loosing my job.

I only ticked in front of my dad growing up. I think it's because he stressed me out and I wasn't scared of my mum so I was really relaxed around her and she never saw my tics. I believe myself that it's a brain disease and not a mental illness.

Also some people don't know they have it. Once I was finally diagnosed I stopped suppressing them around people and finally allowed myself to tic in front of people who I trusted not to laugh. Maybe he feels safe with you, I don't know.

It would be a shame to ruin your friendship if you have one over a work crush.