Should I settle for a therapist?



New member
Jun 16, 2018
I have been battling with mental health issues since I was 12 yrs old I’m now in my early thirties. I had a bad experience with doctors and medication when I was a teenager so once I stopped all that “treatment” it was was difficult to get help again because it was so inaffective for me before but Over a year ago I went to my GP and told him that I was having Mental health issues and that I needed to get diagnosed properly (didn’t want him diagnosing me and throwing me on meds) so he told me he would reffer me to the proper place. About two months later I get a call for a referral for cognitive behavioural therapy. Which the government only covered 12 sessions over 6 months don’t get be wrong I benefitted from it a little it did help change the way I view certain things and also dealing with anxiety but I believe my problem is much greater then just anxiety and depression. So once CBT was over and I wasnt satisfied with the outcome, still feeling as though there is a bigger problem I was referred to a new place. I went and did an assessment in February. Now I Have this thing about talking to men my whole life, I just can’t do it, which some might think is weird cause Im a man but I made that very clear to them because talking to women always seemed more natural and comforting to me. Well, Last week (4 months later) i get a call that a therapist is available but it’s a man and when I googled him I found out he had gotten in big trouble for ethics violations for lewd sexual behaviour on the internet. I am in desperate need of help and the current system is all about waiting lists. Do I try to suck it up and deal with man so I can try and get diagnosed and find out what has been wrong with me all these years or do I risk waiting another 4, 6, 8 months and possibly beyond for a woman therapist. I’m filled with so much anxiety and apprehension about this. I don’t know what to do, and I would love to hear some input. Thank you for taking the time to read my post!


Well-known member
Jun 23, 2016
Hi there
In the UK there is a place called low cost councelling it offers ONGOING person centred councelling for about 7 pounds a session.
Go back to the people that refered you to the councellor
And tell them that you really would like to talk to a woman and that you've heard some thing about the councellor you don't feel comfortable with but at the same time enquire about the low cost councelling.
Then if you don't like the therapist you can can go to low cost councelling instead.


Well-known member
Jul 25, 2016
I was in a similar situation, was offered a man despite stating a preference due to having PTSD. I won't lie to you, it didn't go down well but I stuck to my guns and Iam glad I did. I was told to begin with, that if they made an exception for me asking for a certain gender they would have to do it for others.... It was also stated I was being a bit homophobic by not wanting to discuss certain things with a man. I think part of the problem is they have too few psychologists, but really they ought to allow for someone not feeling comfortable due to trauma for instance,and not talking about homophobia ....

In the end I got assessed by a female psychologist because I was seen as very risky and there were questions about my diagnosis... and she decided to take me on and Iam doing schema therapy with her now and it's helping loads.

But given the history of this psychologist, I really don't see how they can have any objection to someone saying they don't feel comfortable meeting with him.


Jun 16, 2018
Big sky country
I just red the title, however I think you shouldn't settle on one therapist if the fit isn't good for you. I feel like you should be comfortable with the therapist you decide to choose from. and Im really sorry you had a bad experience with doctors and the treatments. Please be gentle with your self and take things slowly.

Empty Silence