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Should I prioritize much needed self-care above reuniting with the guy I feel most deeply for?

S

scandibloom

New member
Joined
Jul 23, 2020
Messages
1
Location
Norway
I am currently abroad visiting extended family, and I just heard my 'fling' from four years ago is visiting in a week. He would like to meet and catch up.
I have already been here for three weeks, and my depression is becoming more daunting every single day. I barely have the energy to get up in the morning, and feel no excitement to go to the beach or do any of the things that are 'expected' in this climate.
Additionally, I am currently in my eating disorder recovery, and am staying with an aunt that has let her underlying anorexic patterns and jealousy towards me take over. It is extremely triggering to share meals, and I feel my self-confidence weaken every time we get ready to go out in the streets. She also 'mocks' me for my depressed behavior, comparing me to a bat for 'staying in my room and not seeing daylight', only coming out to eat. I have tried to pick myself up by going out for lunch and ice cream etc, but then she mocks me for going alone, referring to it as a lonesome and sad thing to go wihout friends. She doesn't see the importance of finding comfort in one's own company, or learning to love who you are without outer recognition.
My fling lives in the capital and doesn't have a lot of spare time on his hands, so this is my only chance of seeing him. We have an incredible emotional connection, and I believe we have a mutual romantic affection for one another. He makes me feel wonderful about myself, and has always been there for me. Nonetheless, he has a girlfriend who is coming with him, and she is extremely concerned about letting him see me. She previously blocked me, and when I went to the capital to see some mutual friends of him and I - he specifically told them to not mention I was there to avoid 'drama and conflict'. I don't want to interfere, but it would be nice to say hi before we go back to our different realities.
There is a plane home in a few days. I'm not sure if I should take the first plane home and prioritize self-maintenance and seeing my mother again above seeing him, when there's no reason for me to 'expect' anything from him but a bitter girlfriend. If I stay, the next plane is in two weeks, and I don't think I can bear the thought of staying here any longer.

What would you do if you were in my shoes?
 
B

bpd2020

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
7,535
Location
England
Hello and welcome to the forum. I think you are going through a lot right now and the last thing you need is seeing this person whom is already in a relationship. I would just save yourself any hassle and concentrate on your mental well being.

I am so sorry your aunt is mocking you and triggering your eating disorder. This is very damaging behaviour from her. I really hope you can leave her as soon as possible as staying with her will make your recovery much harder.
 
P

Purpleplum

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 7, 2020
Messages
1,728
Location
nowhere
You do not need to see someone who has a girlfriend, has a romantic interest in you and tells you he wants to meet and catch up. Drop him. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. The fact that you have a strong emotional connection is more reason to stay away.

If you were the girlfriend would you want a woman who was attracted to your boyfriend and vice versa hanging around him?

Take the high road and walk away.
 
S

saiph

Member
Joined
Aug 7, 2020
Messages
5
Location
India
You do not need to see someone who has a girlfriend, has a romantic interest in you and tells you he wants to meet and catch up. Drop him. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. The fact that you have a strong emotional connection is more reason to stay away.

If you were the girlfriend would you want a woman who was attracted to your boyfriend and vice versa hanging around him?

Take the high road and walk away.
I found this really helpful. Saw a situation through a different perspective. Thank you so much.
 
L

Lizaje

Guest
I'd forget him, go on with my life, tell the aunt she's not being empathetic when she should, show her respect and go home to take care of myself and my life without having hurt feelings (unnecessarily at least) or done wrong. Nothing like clear conscience, you know. 😌

If you are hoping for something from this man, find it is realistic and you want him to know that, you can tell him by phone or text etc. about that. I mean, why else would you meet him, but to see if possibly he'll ditch his gf for you? You would not be alone — it's done all the time, but if you have such hopes and that's the reason for your indecision and you choose not to let it go — I'd say, let him know that for now while you're single, if he wants to be with you more than his gf, you're available (if you are). Leave him with the choice. He deserves it playing with two women like that.

But you should also be ready for silence as an answer. :hug:
 
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