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Should I look for help

E

Elohim

Member
Joined
Jul 15, 2020
Messages
5
Location
Netherlands
Im an 18 year old boy and I dont know if I should look for help. I will explain.

I have a pretty normal and boring life, I go to school and work. I have an internship and I am doing pretty good on all of these things. My internship wanted me to work there when I have vacation from school and asked if I could come back for my next internship. I am also an assistent clubmanager at our local football club. I have a good close group of friends. And a good family and good parents. But for a long time now, I feel like I didn't deserve any of it. You know... that someone just gave it to me and that I didnt have to do anything for it. Even if people tell me that I deserved it and worked hard for it. And whenever I'm sad, I feel that I am just being a pussy. Especially now my brother has a hard time finding a new job while I got offered 2 jobs in a week, I feel that I have nothing to complain about.

I can't seem to be happy and I lost interest in almost everything. My sleep schedule is non excistent and I want to harm myself sometimes or even kill myself lately. I am also starting to experience intense fear sometimes. Mostly when I think about my position as an assisten clubmanager at my football club. It is my responsibility to find a referee, but if I cant find anyone than I would have to do it myself. And just thinking about it can make me almost panic and left shaking. But I dont understand why, since I have been a referee for almost 2 years now and never experienced it before. And this is just one example, I have more things like that. Like being afraid of going to party's, meeting new people or even seeing my friends that I have for years now.

And I feel that I cant tell this to any of my friends because they wont understand, tell it to other people, make fun of me or just dont care. And I dont want to tell my parents because I dont want to be a burden. At night I always think about all of these things and what a loser I am, how much I didnt deserve anything I have. Or I think about people talking behind my back like my boss or something. That he is telling other people how stupid and childish I am. But then I think that I shouldnt complain because they are not real problems and that I am just being a pussy. So I dont know what I should do. I guess that Im more confused than anything else.
 
B

bpd2020

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May 25, 2020
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Location
England
Hello and welcome to the forum. From what you have posted it sounds like you could have depression. I think it would be a good idea to get help. Your thoughts of harming yourself are concerning and need addressing. I am sad to hear how you think you do not deserve things. It sounds like you are very hard on yourself. I think the first step would be telling your doctor how you feel. I am glad you joined here. You will find a lot of support.
 
wollie

wollie

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 29, 2019
Messages
3,806
Location
warwick
Hi Elohim
Welcome to the forums:welcome: It sounds like you do need help, if I were you I would seek out a pdoc as soon as you can.
 
E

Elohim

Member
Joined
Jul 15, 2020
Messages
5
Location
Netherlands
That you for your reactions, but I know see that I forgot to tell a few things thats is very hard for me to type or tell someone.

I always feel that people talk behind my back and say specifically that I do nothing and can only complain. And that has manifested to me never telling someone.... anything actually. I have been sexually assaulted around 3 years ago by a older man, but never say a word about it and sort of deny it in my head. Even though I find it really hard to be alone in a room with another man. I will be frightened and feel it again. And as Ive said many times now, I cannot speak about any of it because the moment I do. It feels like I complain to much.
 
B

bpd2020

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
7,535
Location
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Elohim, I am so sorry you were assaulted. What a truly awful thing to have happened to you. It is sad you feel you complain. You have been traumatised. That is not complaining. I am sorry you do not feel you have a right to talk about how you feel. You have every right to talk and to seek therapy.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
6,501
Location
Nashua NH
Hi, Elohim, I agree with others. It sounds like you could be affected by depression or something else like it and could use some support. You truly are blessed to have many good things going for you in your life right now and they would not be happening if you did not deserve them. It is possible that what happened to you as a young child has resulted in feelings that you are not worthy of things but that would be up to a doctor or professional to decide. I would urge you to seek supports in this way so you can better get through all you have on your plate right now. It sounds like a lot of demands and we wouldn’t want you to crack under the pressure...we want you to be happy and thrive. xo, j
 
K

karl7

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2013
Messages
885
Im an 18 year old boy and I dont know if I should look for help. I will explain.

I have a pretty normal and boring life, I go to school and work. I have an internship and I am doing pretty good on all of these things. My internship wanted me to work there when I have vacation from school and asked if I could come back for my next internship. I am also an assistent clubmanager at our local football club. I have a good close group of friends. And a good family and good parents. But for a long time now, I feel like I didn't deserve any of it. You know... that someone just gave it to me and that I didnt have to do anything for it. Even if people tell me that I deserved it and worked hard for it. And whenever I'm sad, I feel that I am just being a pussy. Especially now my brother has a hard time finding a new job while I got offered 2 jobs in a week, I feel that I have nothing to complain about.

I can't seem to be happy and I lost interest in almost everything. My sleep schedule is non excistent and I want to harm myself sometimes or even kill myself lately. I am also starting to experience intense fear sometimes. Mostly when I think about my position as an assisten clubmanager at my football club. It is my responsibility to find a referee, but if I cant find anyone than I would have to do it myself. And just thinking about it can make me almost panic and left shaking. But I dont understand why, since I have been a referee for almost 2 years now and never experienced it before. And this is just one example, I have more things like that. Like being afraid of going to party's, meeting new people or even seeing my friends that I have for years now.

And I feel that I cant tell this to any of my friends because they wont understand, tell it to other people, make fun of me or just dont care. And I dont want to tell my parents because I dont want to be a burden. At night I always think about all of these things and what a loser I am, how much I didnt deserve anything I have. Or I think about people talking behind my back like my boss or something. That he is telling other people how stupid and childish I am. But then I think that I shouldnt complain because they are not real problems and that I am just being a pussy. So I dont know what I should do. I guess that Im more confused than anything else.
you should seek out a psychiatrist or therapist to help you......also i just have to say im impressed that you assist as clubmanager and referee over the past few years.....that is a great achievement for a young man of 18.....i would never have been able to do that at your age, not even at my age of 44 !!
 
S

SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
4,039
Location
USA
That you for your reactions, but I know see that I forgot to tell a few things thats is very hard for me to type or tell someone.

I always feel that people talk behind my back and say specifically that I do nothing and can only complain. And that has manifested to me never telling someone.... anything actually. I have been sexually assaulted around 3 years ago by a older man, but never say a word about it and sort of deny it in my head. Even though I find it really hard to be alone in a room with another man. I will be frightened and feel it again. And as Ive said many times now, I cannot speak about any of it because the moment I do. It feels like I complain to much.
I'm sorry you were sexually assaulted. It's very possible you have PTSD from it.

Please seek help so you can feel better.

Hugs
 
E

Elohim

Member
Joined
Jul 15, 2020
Messages
5
Location
Netherlands
you should seek out a psychiatrist or therapist to help you......also i just have to say im impressed that you assist as clubmanager and referee over the past few years.....that is a great achievement for a young man of 18.....i would never have been able to do that at your age, not even at my age of 44 !!
Thank you for sating that. But lately I get an intense anger and fear attack or something since it has not been without struggle and I feel like everyone hates me there and thinks that I am being boss and they start to have nicknames for me and all. And more like those things.
 
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