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Should I keep my distance from people I care about until I feel more stable?

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catdom

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I'm not proud of the way I treat my closest friends when things get bad. Sometimes I get so angry thinking that nobody cares about me that I lose control of my emotions and of what I say to people I'm attached to. When I've calmed down I realize that I wasn't in control of myself and I apologize to the people I bothered and try to stay away, but I always do the same thing. I don't know how to rely on myself, I have to talk to someone when I feel bad, otherwise I feel like I'll go mad. Unfortunately the friend I always bother with messages has to cope with his own issues too and I feel like I'm making things worse for him. It can't be healthy to read about someone else's issues every week when you have your own demons to battle. I don't want to hurt other people. I thought that talking to people about how I feel would help me heal, but I was wrong. It did help me feel less ashamed of being so sensitive and needy, because I know this isn't the real me if I'm aware that it's not normal, however talking doesn't change the fact that I often still have no control over my emotions.
I don't think there's anything that could fully heal me. Things aren't always so bad but when they are it all gets out of control. I'm not mentally or emotionally stable and I'm worried that it's affecting my friends as well. Do you think that it would be helpful if I stayed away from people for a while? I can't completely cut off everyone since I have my studies and I still live with my family, but I'm thinking that maybe having minimal interactions with people could help me, until I feel more stable and in control. Because if even this doesn't work, I don't know what will.
People are my biggest trigger, I believe. I can't have healthy emotional connections with people. I either can't connect at all or I get too attached and crave their attention and love so much that no matter how much I get, it's never enough and I need more. I constantly think about wishing that something bad would happen to me so that people would care and give me their support. I feel jealous of the people who are troubled and get love from others, while very few people know how much I struggle because I'm socially awkward and too shy to talk to most people and look for help and support. It's shameful, but I can't will it away. I've promised that I'd change so many times and always failed to keep my promises, it's not something that I can change.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Remember they aren't all perfect either, nobody is.

When not my best, i do hibernate for a while, although i only really have the cream of the crop in my life now. The easily offended have long gone.
 
C

catdom

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Remember they aren't all perfect either, nobody is.

When not my best, i do hibernate for a while, although i only really have the cream of the crop in my life now. The easily offended have long gone.
One of my good friends seriously struggles with depression and I want to give him space, my issues can't be good for him now. He has tried to help me many times even while dealing with his own problems. We can't help each other though and I hurt him so much without meaning to. That's why I feel like it would be good to stay away, I don't want to make him get worse.
The problem with staying away from people is that it's so hard to be on my own, I need constant reassurance and affection, which they can't give me. I feel lost, when I don't get affection I lose control and get the urge to harm myself or yell at people and when I do get affection, I fear that it will be gone and think of ways to secure that care.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Do you have any photo's of you as a baby, being held by a grandma or grandad? Something like that, is good to have visible to remind you you are loved, even if the person is no longer alive. Eventually those images will stick in your mind. It has to be a special person, one who doesn't or who can no longer disappoint you.

I have a cousin who has shouted at me when she is struggling with life, because i was calling her too much and she could not cope. I am very cautious not to overwhelm her now. We learn as we go along don't we.
 
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bpd2020

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If you keep away from people then you will have less triggers but once you are in contact again I think those triggers will come back. I understand how difficult it is for us when it comes to emotions. I have found the best thing for us is to have therapy.
 
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beautywithin

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Its good you have eachother to lean on see that as a positive. I withdraw and go quite and most people around me know i do that and leave me alone untill im ready, so i cant relate to much but just wanted you to know im here if you want to reach out
 

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