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should I contact old friend?

Wynn

Wynn

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Hi - new on here. Arrived looking for advice, and anyone else who's 'been there'. The question I'm wondering about is this...

During the spring/summer my best friend and I had a major falling out. We were both at very down points in our lives - both have suffered with depression in the past and are prone to relapses. Usually we support each other, but this time we were both scratchy and irritable, without I think realising the damage we were doing to our friendship. Things went downhill and at one point it looked like we would never talk again. We did manage eventually to talk reasonably, but I was never sure whether it was 'goodbye' between us, or just 'time for a break'.

We haven't talked for a few months, I've occasionally sent him txts to say hope things are good, or funny things I spotted on web, but nothing back from him. Recently we have run into each other a couple of times, and have had a quick chat.

The other night I saw him at work and he looked really down or tired. I didn't want to disturb him at work, but sent him a text to ask if he was alright. He replied - first time since our falling out, to say he just wasn't feeling well. Since then I have seen him again, and he still looks very down. What I'm wondering is whether to contact him again to say I'm around if he feels in need of a chat, a friend or whatever? I told him at the end of the summer that he can always call if he feels in need of a friend, so maybe I should just leave the ball in his court? Just still care and don't want him to be down and feel alone. Anyone ever been in a similar situation?
 
KP1

KP1

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Perhaps a phone call and a quick visit????
As I'm sure you know its difficult to reach out when very depressed.
Hope it goes well.
 
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Dollit

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I'd offer some support even if it's just "if you fancy a coffee and offloading sometime" - he hasn't said he doesn't want to speak to you and he is responding to your gentle overtures.
 
silly madam

silly madam

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I definitely agree that you should try and contact him in some way. I know that when I have a very depressed phase I cant even see past the end of my nose let alone ask for help. And whenever I do have friends who pop round it always helps to lift my mood or chat things over. I certainly wouldnt have instigated the contact myself and need my friends to do it for me. So i think you should go for it. I think it is better just to turn up because he may not answer the phone etc if he really is feeling low. Just an idea.
 
Wynn

Wynn

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Thanks for the good advice.
Yes, I tried phoning today, but no reply. i think probably not answering. Left a message on the answerphone, saying if fancy a coffee to get in touch. Silly madam - you may be right. I'll leave it a couple of days, and then maybe try a visit. Talked to a mutual friend today, who said they thought he was OK, and was seeing him soon - so maybe its just me!
 
mischief

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Please let us know how things develop!

Good luck with it!
 
Wynn

Wynn

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update

Well, its been a little while. Things I hope are moving in a positive direction. I have run into my friend a few times, when we've both been with other people, and he seemed ok and willing to talk.

A few weeks ago I met him when he was on his own and got up courage to ask if there was any chance to mend friendship - we had quite an honest heart to heart about stuff in the past, and cleared up some misconceptions I think. We left it with him saying he would think about being friends again.

Since then I have sent a couple of texts, and he has been replying. Last week I met him at a sports thing - both watching the same game. We talked about the game, but he seemed quite reserved - holding back. I've been thinking that , if the friendship is on the road to recovery, then maybe it takes a good while before you feel 'at ease' with your friend again. I'm hoping it is that, and not that he was wishing to be rid of me! What does anyone else think? - any experience of rebuilding a friendship?
 
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Dollit

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You're speaking, you're texting from time to time, take it steady. All broken relationships take time to heal. You've made the overtures, he's said he'll think about it, he's not ignoring your texts. You'll know you're on the up the day he sends you the text first.
 
N

northern

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Texting OMG! What is it with this generation on about? What ever happened to speaking to each other whether that be by phone or personal?

Texting, e-mailing is much the same................Open to intrepration and one can read alot into that.............whether it be true or not!

Speak to the person before it is too late! If you choose never to pick up the phone or speak to them personally then what are crying about?
 
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Dollit

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I'm a lot older than the generation you allude to and I text a lot. Several of my friends can't take texts during working hours and then I'm busy a lot in the evening. Texting allows us to keep in touch during the week when we wouldn't be able to speak other wise.

I had a problem with a friend yesterday and we couldn't talk because he had his young children with him. We could text and we did sort things out well.

Just because you don't like it doesn't mean to say it can't be extremely useful as a bridge or a beginning in meaningful communication.
 
N

northern

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I'm a lot older than the generation you allude to and I text a lot. Several of my friends can't take texts during working hours and then I'm busy a lot in the evening. Texting allows us to keep in touch during the week when we wouldn't be able to speak other wise.

I had a problem with a friend yesterday and we couldn't talk because he had his young children with him. We could text and we did sort things out well.

Just because you don't like it doesn't mean to say it can't be extremely useful as a bridge or a beginning in meaningful communication.
OMG! texting is to be the end all and the only communication! The time it would have taken to actually speak would have been less, then again maybe it would have taken more out of your time? Which would have been the lesser evil?

Help me please..... so I do not read too much into what you say! Seeing as I see only the written response, I may think you are aloof, not all that intune to my needs and so................it goes on.

Give a voice to whom I speak, as I know all of you out there hate the Corporate 'Please hold! press one, press two etc just to get your bills paid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please what is the problem of phoning when they might be free! Where you can state you concerns or your feelings etc. Me thinks, maybe some are frightened by the actual confortation of speaking direct to so call friends?

Many can read alot into text and email that you yourself did not intend......personal experince.

Get real and at least phone someone if you care! That way at least you have spoken to one another.

Texting does not give the recipiant the feeling of self worth IMO! only talking can do that!
 
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Dollit

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Is there any need for a response that is so harsh? I don't think you've actually read any of the posts on this thread as you seem to have responded to the word "text" and not the way in which it has been used.
 
Wynn

Wynn

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Oct 20, 2008
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Northern,
I have to agree with Dollit on this - it does not seem that you have read the posts here very carefully, and maybe that is why you have issues with texts?

As i said in my first post - my friend and I both used to talk a lot to each other, talked things over whilst we were falling out, and have talked since. In fact it is his choice to start TALKING to me again, that I have taken as a good sign.

My friend and I are both from a generation that grew up without mobile phones. When he gets depressed he prefers not to see anyone, and also when depressed, hates talking on the phone - refuses to answer. At those times, texting is the only way to reach him. He can read them as and when he likes, and choose how and whether to reply. It gives him back some control of the situation. So yeah, I think texting is great, and talking is too. The world is big enough for many forms of communication.;)
 
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