Should I be worried?

A

Aster Eleven

New member
Joined
Jun 27, 2018
Messages
1
#1
Hi everyone,

This is my first time posting on these forums. I'm here because I'd like some opinions and/or advice on a situation involving my nephew. My husband's family has a history of mental illness (his older sister has emotional and behavioral disorders, as does her 10 year old son) and I'd like to know whether or not my fears involving our 10 year old nephew are justified. The boy (Tim) is currently being raised by his grandmother (my husband's mother), who is vastly underqualified to deal with his issues, and has already exhibited some disturbing behaviors that she simply brushed off. We rarely see them because they live on the opposite side of the country, but these events have happened both times that they've visited us.

About two years ago, we had quite a few of his family members temporarily live with us, including a nine year old female cousin and the then eight year old boy in question (Tim). Long story short, Tim was sitting in my son's bedroom with the door cracked, his pants down, playing with himself. When his nine year old female cousin walked past the door and was horrified, Tim continued to play with himself while laughing and smiling at her. The girl's father (my husband's brother) was furious, but there was no corrective behavior from the grandmother that I know of. (Most of the time she simply yells or threatens, but rarely follows through.)

The second incident happened during their most recent visit to our house, about two weeks ago. I found out after they left, from my five year old daughter, that Tim had kept telling her "eat my privates" while they swam together in the pool. She said that she had told their grandfather, who told Tim to stop or else they'd leave.

Today I've learned that they plan to move as close as possible because they want to babysit for us. Given what's happened both times they've stayed with us, I feel extremely uncomfortable with the idea of my son (age 8) and especially my two daughters (ages 5 and 2) being alone with their cousin. I am not trying to judge the boy unfairly, but his grandmother was supposedly raped by the mentally ill man who fathered her daughter (Tim's mother), and her daughter attempted to rape my husband's friend while he was passed out drunk. I've brought up these fears to my husband and suggested that we bring our children over for supervised playdates, but explained that I don't feel comfortable leaving our children there alone. I know that their grandparents would be there, but all it takes is a few minutes alone for something to happen. Am I overreacting? Is asking for supervised playdates going too far?

Thank you in advance for your responses.
 
Anon_21

Anon_21

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 24, 2018
Messages
1,651
Location
US
#2
No, you're not overreacting. I have a daughter and would not even let her near a person who had said "eat my privates," never mind supervised playdates. I'm not telling you what to do either way, just letting you know that those behaviors concern me as well. Best wishes to you.