Sharing x

D

Deliah

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#1
Hello,

I'm feeling sad that I can't tell my family about my voices. I feel alone and without any kindness which isn't coming directly from me. How many people have felt able to share their experience with friends or family. I have distanced myself from everyone and am looking after me alone.

In am ideal world I would want to share this with my family, but I know them and I don't want the response I would get. D x
 
burt tomato

burt tomato

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#2
HI Deliah.

I am sitting here, and in the distance I can hear human voices. A woman crying, and a man nagging. Who would believe it? I don't feel comfortable talking about. Even at the hearing voices group, we don't talk about it, we just talk about self-help therapies.

I do feel as if I am stigmatizing myself too. I think this is a result of the way we are conditioned to think.

It does feel like some kind of telepathy and it is distressing.

What is it like for you?
 
D

Deliah

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#3
Hello,

It amazes me that no one talks about it at the group, but like you say it just doesn't feel safe I suppose. Maybe you can change the trend, or chat with the leader. Does it feel useful to you? I keep it so close too, because it's such a personal thing to give of yourself. However, I have shared it today with my cranio sacral therapist and she was amazing. She was so wise and non judgmental.

Thank you for sharing your experience with me today. For me, it is constantly changing, but this week it has been a lot of Irish people, who have been quite amusing and helpful. Also an African lady and a blond girl who is about 10 years old but sometimes more like 20. They cracked me up the other evening, when one of them suddenly said 'so, when are we going to get a takeaway curry again and then many others followed, saying yes I like curry, yes so do I, and me' and so on. I just started laughing, they can be really amusing some times. Today, I found myself getting ratty with them and their interruptions. I was sarcastic with them. I found that this wasn't useful. I generally work kindly with them but I guess I'm only human.

It varies so much. The African lady arrived yesterday. I put on my apron and she arrived wearing a dress in the same fabric. She told me I am an ugly bitch. I asked her what she wanted. She said she wanted to go home and to see her family. I asked what she needed. She said she needed love. I felt as much love for her as I could and told that was her gift. When she came back again she was wise and supportive.

There are so many. Sometimes it will be someone I saw in the day that I may have had a passing conversation with and my mind captures their image and they come back later. It happens with people I have watched on television too. My brain sometimes creates characters who are adorned in the fabrics I have around me. They dance and sing. They can be amazing. There is one who puts lots of words together which don't make sense. There is a man who is very wise and kind. There are aspects which are less easy to manage. One of the voices obsessed for sometime over things that stick out and various other things. I have to work on this one regularly. It drove me almost to finish everything. I am finding my way now, it certainly presents its challenges huh.

Sometimes it is an image of me at a different time in my life, or in my future. Sometimes it is family members talking. It's a busy brain, but things have improved from 6 weeks ago when I was having thoughts of committing suicide in a specific way. Definitely have no immediate plans to go down that path. I went through a phase of really obsessing and feeling paranoid and I'm doing a lot better with this. Anyway, thanks for your reply. Let me know about the group. I expected that it would be people sharing experiences, but I can understand that, that would take a lot of courage to do. What therapies are they discussing with you and what has been helping. Take care and sleep well. D x
 
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burt tomato

burt tomato

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#4
Hello,

It amazes me that no one talks about it at the group, but like you say it just doesn't feel safe I suppose. Maybe you can change the trend, or chat with the leader. Does it feel useful to you?
The leader is quite powerful and generally OK, I feel shy to change the trend. I am hoping that we will discuss the voices more as the group progresses. There was lad who turned up, who had not been for a while, and he just started talking about the voices. The leader had to put him back on topic.

We once had an art class, and that was pleasant, even if I did feel as if I was being treated like a four year old.
We have a class tomorrow, and I am looking forward to it, it is nice when this part of my life is addressed.


I keep it so close too, because it's such a personal thing to give of yourself. However, I have shared it today with my cranio sacral therapist and she was amazing. She was so wise and non judgmental.
It does help when you have someone you can talk too. I have been talking with my dad, and although we do not discuss it, I think he has a better understanding now.

Validation is important, as sometimes, I feel as if it is my imagination.

Thank you for sharing your experience with me today. For me, it is constantly changing, but this week it has been a lot of Irish people, who have been quite amusing and helpful. Also an African lady and a blond girl who is about 10 years old but sometimes more like 20. They cracked me up the other evening, when one of them suddenly said 'so, when are we going to get a takeaway curry again and then many others followed, saying yes I like curry, yes so do I, and me' and so on. I just started laughing, they can be really amusing some times. Today, I found myself getting ratty with them and their interruptions. I was sarcastic with them. I found that this wasn't useful. I generally work kindly with them but I guess I'm only human.
That is a rich experience, indeed.

It varies so much. The African lady arrived yesterday. I put on my apron and she arrived wearing a dress in the same fabric. She told me I am an ugly bitch. I asked her what she wanted. She said she wanted to go home and to see her family. I asked what she needed. She said she needed love. I felt as much love for her as I could and told that was her gift. When she came back again she was wise and supportive.
That is interesting. You seem to be comfortable with the voices, no fear at all. I used to be very much afraid.

Sometimes it is an image of me at a different time in my life, or in my future. Sometimes it is family members talking. It's a busy brain, but things have improved from 6 weeks ago when I was having thoughts of committing suicide in a specific way. Definitely have no immediate plans to go down that path. I went through a phase of really obsessing and feeling paranoid and I'm doing a lot better with this. Anyway, thanks for your reply. Let me know about the group. I expected that it would be people sharing experiences, but I can understand that, that would take a lot of courage to do. What therapies are they discussing with you and what has been helping. Take care and sleep well. D x
Thank-you, you too.
 
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D

Deliah

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#5
Hello, it's fear of them that makes it hellish. Know that it is you, that you are being afraid of or angry with. They are all parts of you. They have messages to communicate to you about what you need know, or about some acceptance and love for yourself in the past. The ones that turn up looking and sounding the least kind are just the parts of you that need the most love. When you ask what they need they become much smaller, they show their vulnerability. It's then that we can truly love ourselves. They are no threat to you. When we take ourselves out of that small threatened place and start to dialogue with voices, we have put ourselves back in charge. Our subconscious isn't meant to rule, our conscious is, but in a kind and assertive way. When we react to them and tell them where to go or whatever, they become more troublesome to us. It's the same as if a real person tells you where to go, my therapist made me aware today. It doesn't feel nice. We are just continuing to feed ourselves negative energy. When we give them love they become content and so do we. Imagine you are talking to a dear friend who is in need of your support. They will start to love you right back. I've been working with mine this way for the past two months maybe. It's turned things around for me. It takes a long time and I'm learning everyday, exploring, but I no longer need them gone. They are part of me and I'm grateful for that. This is my experience. D xxxx
 
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burt tomato

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#6
Hello, it's fear of them that makes it hellish. Know that it is you, that you are being afraid of or angry with. They are all parts of you.
I am not sure, the voices have their own personalities, and at times it seems very telepathic. But repetitive.

It reminds me of someone trying to get my attention by a repeated action.

To be honest, I don't like the present two voices, and I just ignore them. They do not seem to be in a state that is friendly or open to new ideas.

It feels like some sort of hysterical couple. I just want to ignore them, because I believe they are not correct,

1. in what they say, and
2. in these types of telepathic messages.

Anyway I have my group tomorrow, and it is fun. There is a woman there who lost half her body weight and they all have similar issues. Some people are very withdrawn, and some are more content.
 
D

Deliah

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#7
Great, enjoy the group. I used to get sound on a loop a lot, but this is less now. Think I just changed my feelings to welcoming and grateful and also accept the fact that nothing ever stays the same. It all depends on what you believe. Do they talk to you if you talk to them? Have as great time at the group. I would really love to go to a group, but as far as I know there isn't one in my area. Enjoy D x
 
burt tomato

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#8
I had a war with my voices from about 2012-2013. I was mentally shouting at them, telling them to be quiet.

Now the voices that remain are more distant, and I don't interact with them. Also I am on a higher dosage of meds, and that made a difference. Before it was actually really painful, and I would get very angry, even in public.

the Mental health professionals seemed to take a blind eye to me, I was not hospitalized even though it was a tough period.
 
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shotme

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#11
I recently had a chat with the psychiatrist about voices in depth. bottom line was he did'nt believe in telepathy.
 
burt tomato

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#14
the voices
they don't like me talking about them, they get agressive/threattning, even now whilst writting this.
Sorry to hear it is hard for you at the moment. If it helps I think they are making you paranoid.

maybe there's good copers and poor copers as voice hearers.
I think there is a spectrum of experiences. It affects people to different extents. It may appear I am a good coper, but I struggle immensely through this life.