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Shamed at work

S

switch

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Jan 4, 2015
Messages
46
This is only minor but it bothered me today. I asked this girl opposite me if she was working on something I needed and she just said 'no' in a clipped manner. Then I started to explain I needed it before the end of the week and she was like 'I've done it already' - why couldn't she just say that in the first place? It just feeds into my panic that no one will do as I ask and that I'm being inconsiderate asking for something. I've had problems managing people in the past and have no confidence in myself. Then I start remembering all the criticism that people have given me in the past, that I'm harsh, that I don't make any effort with people.

I hate my job. I would really like to change careers but need the money. I've given myself 10 years to stick in this job and save money and that just feels like a life sentence.

Then I think I could change jobs and just end up with the same problems elsewhere. There are bullying, hard, shaming people everywhere.
 
katya

katya

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I hate workplace bullying. I've met some pretty nasty people in schools. I think every job has them though. I'm sorry someone made you feel like that in work. You don't need it, do you?
 
R

Rose19602

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I hate workplace bullying. I've met some pretty nasty people in schools. I think every job has them though. I'm sorry someone made you feel like that in work. You don't need it, do you?
I can relate to that one....there are some very nasty, political people in teaching! It seems to harden people.
No offence.
 
R

Rose19602

Guest
I asked this girl opposite me if she was working on something I needed and she just said 'no' in a clipped manner. Then I started to explain I needed it before the end of the week and she was like 'I've done it already' - why couldn't she just say that in the first place? It just feeds into my panic that no one will do as I ask and that I'm being inconsiderate asking for something.
I suppose if you've had feedback that states that you are inconsiderate in your demands, and staff have said this about you...you have to take note of how you come over.

It isn't easy managing people, and they pick up on inconfidence and can exploit it very easily. From the perspective of an employee, it's harder to deal with a boss who is not assertive, because when people are timorous in their commands or they speak bluntly due to nerves, it comes over badly - either irritatingly vague or too demanding. Assertiveness and confidence are perhaps issues you need to consider addressing if things are to improve and you decide to tough this job out?

I've had problems managing people in the past and have no confidence in myself. Then I start remembering all the criticism that people have given me in the past, that I'm harsh, that I don't make any effort with people.
Is it this, or is it the way that your lack of confidence causes you to come over. You may mean well, but deliver the actions and words in the wrong way. That can be worked on.


I hate my job. I would really like to change careers but need the money. I've given myself 10 years to stick in this job and save money and that just feels like a life sentence.
I bet it does! I'd hate to stick out a job for 10 years that I hated. Are there no alternatives? Two part time jobs or another that doesn't involve managing people for roughly the same money? Is the money worth this amount of unhappiness?

Then I think I could change jobs and just end up with the same problems elsewhere. There are bullying, hard, shaming people everywhere.
This is also true.
Maybe you could work on your self esteem / confidence and assertiveness. There are books and course on assertiveness training and possibly - if it's come up in appraisals at work - your employer might provide training?

Work can be a very difficult environment can't it. I do empathise. I had problems myself with politics at work. I used to find it extremely stressful and never fully resolved my own issues, despite the advice above.

Hugs. xxx
 
megirl

megirl

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Sorry you are struggling at work
People can be so horrid at times and often pick on those who are most vulnerable.

I hope you can get some support in relation to your lack of confidence
take care
 
S

selfrespect44

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Jan 6, 2015
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RE

"I asked this girl opposite me if she was working on something I needed and she just said 'no' in a clipped manner. Then I started to explain I needed it before the end of the week and she was like 'I've done it already' - why couldn't she just say that in the first place?"

She answered your questions in the order you asked them. No need to think too much into it.

Do you always ask her questions or for things, how many times, about what, who is she in relation to you at the job, are you bothering her with allot of questions or requests? I would also need to know these things as well. Maybe you are an irritant in her perception. I am not concluding that; but I would need to address and 'test' for that being a possible cause.

In the majority of scenarios:

Are you taking this personal? Maybe she was irritated from something else that had nothing to do with you. Many people are discontent and irritated with many of the jobs they are working at. There are a variety of things that can create irritation. She may have had a personal issue and or with both, a personal and work issue. This is common and people will not be in a friendly mood all the time during their shift and for every day they work. No one can be in a good mood all the time and especially at a job they don't like.

There were not statements that were personally 'crafted' or directed to hurt or insult you. The statements answered your questions. They were to the point and about the duty that is work related. Is this being hyper sensitive? Maybe, try not to allow the common day to day moods of others, get to you. It is not personal. this is common.

I did not hear the tone and cannot allege that it was even short from one persons allegation. But in the case that is was; this is a common event in various social settings and most of the time, it has nothing to do with you. It is not enough to even say someone is a bully or mean. There was no premeditated and calculated statements directed at you to hurt or insult. Sometimes when people are busy and have stress or challenges going on; they may have a tone that reflects that. No one can be in a mood to cater to every persons sensitivity and a mood that is a perceived good mood all the time. Its natural for people to demonstrate irritated moods, sad moods, tired moods and the like and in front of others at times.

Yes, there may also be people that also do not like you for whatever reason and or do not want to be chatty and chat with you. They have their own duties and lives and we cant be priority for all of them and or all the time.
 
Last edited:
Mark_01

Mark_01

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Work has always been a nightmare for me. I've had so many menial jobs that never lasted, can't even begin to count them all. It would only take about two weeks before people would start saying that I was crazy, say it right to my face, too. Am very punctual, and was always one of the first people to arrive at work, but people would always say that I am slow and take too long to do simple tasks. People would get very angry with me and call me names, sometimes they'd scream at me and tell me how stupid I am. They always said that mentally I wasn't there, they had a point; I would forget what I had been doing for the past couple of hours and then find myself doing something and not knowing why I was doing it. It is like having an out of body experience where I am just a spectator; was there, but not there. Having a job and working can be a terrible thing for some people, I miss it because I had something to do, but am also glad that I am not working anymore.
 
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