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Sexually intrusive thoughts/ obsession with rape

W

windsor431

New member
Joined
Nov 20, 2020
Messages
1
Location
USA
I’ve never typed on here before so i don’t really know what I’m doing but hopefully it’s right
I don’t know if this is relevant but I’m 22 and a female

so it all started when i was in high school. I don’t know why but for some reason one of my classmates was talking about dolphins and said that dolphins rape people. It was dance class so i really don’t know how that came up. But for some reason myteacher looked it up i guess to see what she was talking about. So he went on YouTube and looked it up and it showed two dolphins “raping” another dolphin. They were kinda just rubbing against her but for some reason i got that feeling down there. I didn’t know why and i still don’t but i didn’t question it.
Fast forward to now and i don’t know why but every time the mention of rape is brought up it gives me that feeling down there. WHY?! I don’t know.I’ve written on forums before and girls say to me “maybe it’s a fantasy you have and can fulfill with your man.” And my friends this is no fantasy. I can’t even begin to think of my boyfriend that way i don’t want to see my boyfriend as someone who would do that.
and it’s something that turns me on but it’s not something that turns me on WILLINGLY. Like i don’t WANT to be turned on it just happens. One day it drove me so insane that i felt like i couldn’t even leave me room. I don’t even feel comfortable saying the word I usually censor it or refer to it as “the r word”. If I’m ever near a man the first thing on my mind is “what if he rapes me.” I always get uncomfortable If I’d be for example opening at work with a male manager or having a meeting with my professor.
Or if I’m watching a movie with my boyfriend or something and there’s mention of it i get so tense and my heartbeat speeds up like I’m thinking “my boyfriend can sense that this is turning me on.” Not that rape is something me and my boyfriend bring up on a regular basis but if we’re talking about say a movie or abortion and that word is brought up it makes me so uncomfortable.
Sometimes if me and my boyfriend are “reading the Bible wink wink” my mind will go to a place like “what if this wasn’t your boyfriend what if this is another man doing this against your will”
sometimes I’ll be up at night and rape is on my mind. Like it could last hours and it’s like half of me is turned on and the other half of me is scared to death that a man will put his hands on me. And this is like an everyday or almost everyday thing.
sometimes I feel like my mind forces me to go online and watch a rape scene or to touch myself and act like it’s a man I’m not comfortable with it sounds crazy i sound like a psychopath probably but i can’t help it

but aside from rape i have sexually intrusive thoughts like one time i had a naked dream about a female coworker which extra strange bc I’m not gay and i have a boyfriend. Or like if my dad is near me and stuff will come to my mind that i don’t even feel comfortable typing out

i don’t know if there’s a word for what goes on in my head but i just thought I’d share in case anyone in the world has a
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
4,448
Location
England
I don't think you should worry about you having these thoughts or being aroused by these things. From what i have read over the years, it is something many people do. I would think very few people say it out loud or write it down, and even less would mention it to their friends or boyfriends.

I think we are programmed to be aroused by anything related to sex because we are designed to get pregnant. There are times of the month when women are more likely to get pregnant so arousal can be linked to those days where you are ovulating, as it is called.

As you get older, you are less likely to get pregnant, and will have those feelings less.

Remember that not everything you think, needs to be told to others. It is about self-protection because friends and family do gossip, so we have to be careful.

As long as you know deep down who you are, that you are a good person, don't worry about the things that run through your mind sometimes, however upsetting.
 
A

Am33

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 28, 2020
Messages
210
Location
Fiji
Our minds work much like a computer with programs .We know our computers can get a virus which effects the entire programming . You taken in the idea of rape as sexual no fault of your own lots of viruses like that out there. It has created a program called rape and by watching videos you have reinforced it .The more we put our attention on the program the more it becomes stronger in our conscious minds . Just like on you tube we create a algorithm and more of the same pops up . Just realize the thoughts aren't yours just a mental program that you created and can delete by not feeding it your attention .You can do positive affirmations to over come it .
 
P

Purpleplum

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 7, 2020
Messages
1,423
Location
nowhere
I wouldn't worry about it. Many have had that. It does NOT mean you want to be raped, does NOT mean you enjoy rape, does NOT mean you find rape good.
 
M

MYTIMEHASCOME

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 12, 2011
Messages
710
I’ve never typed on here before so i don’t really know what I’m doing but hopefully it’s right
I don’t know if this is relevant but I’m 22 and a female

so it all started when i was in high school. I don’t know why but for some reason one of my classmates was talking about dolphins and said that dolphins rape people. It was dance class so i really don’t know how that came up. But for some reason myteacher looked it up i guess to see what she was talking about. So he went on YouTube and looked it up and it showed two dolphins “raping” another dolphin. They were kinda just rubbing against her but for some reason i got that feeling down there. I didn’t know why and i still don’t but i didn’t question it.
Fast forward to now and i don’t know why but every time the mention of rape is brought up it gives me that feeling down there. WHY?! I don’t know.I’ve written on forums before and girls say to me “maybe it’s a fantasy you have and can fulfill with your man.” And my friends this is no fantasy. I can’t even begin to think of my boyfriend that way i don’t want to see my boyfriend as someone who would do that.
and it’s something that turns me on but it’s not something that turns me on WILLINGLY. Like i don’t WANT to be turned on it just happens. One day it drove me so insane that i felt like i couldn’t even leave me room. I don’t even feel comfortable saying the word I usually censor it or refer to it as “the r word”. If I’m ever near a man the first thing on my mind is “what if he rapes me.” I always get uncomfortable If I’d be for example opening at work with a male manager or having a meeting with my professor.
Or if I’m watching a movie with my boyfriend or something and there’s mention of it i get so tense and my heartbeat speeds up like I’m thinking “my boyfriend can sense that this is turning me on.” Not that rape is something me and my boyfriend bring up on a regular basis but if we’re talking about say a movie or abortion and that word is brought up it makes me so uncomfortable.
Sometimes if me and my boyfriend are “reading the Bible wink wink” my mind will go to a place like “what if this wasn’t your boyfriend what if this is another man doing this against your will”
sometimes I’ll be up at night and rape is on my mind. Like it could last hours and it’s like half of me is turned on and the other half of me is scared to death that a man will put his hands on me. And this is like an everyday or almost everyday thing.
sometimes I feel like my mind forces me to go online and watch a rape scene or to touch myself and act like it’s a man I’m not comfortable with it sounds crazy i sound like a psychopath probably but i can’t help it

but aside from rape i have sexually intrusive thoughts like one time i had a naked dream about a female coworker which extra strange bc I’m not gay and i have a boyfriend. Or like if my dad is near me and stuff will come to my mind that i don’t even feel comfortable typing out

i don’t know if there’s a word for what goes on in my head but i just thought I’d share in case anyone in the world has a
hey friend

sorry you’re struggling with intrusive thoughts, but just to reiterate what other people have said you’re not a psychopath or broken or whatever.

I regularly have had thoughts I don’t want it doesn’t mean I’m going to act on them or I want them to happen. I can understand why you would be worried though because of the thoughts and the reaction they have but like just to let you know something just because you’re body tingles at the thought of something dosent mean it’s a desire or you want it to happen sometimes the body is just weird like that, also sometimes when I’m anxious my mind says if I don’t check the door is closed 3 times I’m going to rape someone or I’m gonna kill someone or my house is going to burn down, I don’t know what is causing you to feel the way you do about that subject and also the sad thing which I can understand is traumatic as well, but like just because your body is reacting like that it doesn’t mean It’s what you desire. I have bpd and there are people with bpd who are molested as children which you would think would make them afraid of sex but it goes the other way and they act out and become promiscuous kind of like a defense mechanism.

sorry if my message wasn’t helpful I just wanted to try and help but you definitely aren’t a weirdo or mentally broken you just need help! Sorry you feel so bad about this - sending you a massive hug :hug: ❤
 
dontknowwhattodowithoutyou

dontknowwhattodowithoutyou

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 22, 2020
Messages
59
Location
<3
Hi, I also have OCD and can completely relate to what you said.
I also have had some sexual arousal during unwanted scenarios. The truth is, arousal is very complicated and sometimes we get aroused not by let's say the rape scene itself, but because something is taboo, something is sexual, etc.
I understand why you feel terrible, I've felt similarly. But thoughts, fantasies, etc aren't real. No one was hurt. Only you are hurting yourself...
 
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