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Sexual Performance Anxiety / Sexual Dysfunction

A

AtlantaPerson

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Nov 9, 2020
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Atlanta
Hey everyone - not sure where to post this so I feel like anxiety is most fitting.

I am a 25 (almost 26) year old male. I had performance problems starting with my first long-term gf at 18/19, which stemmed I think from substance abuse, depression, anxiety, and a number of other factors. Sometimes sex would be great,but over time couldn’t get it up (with increasing frequency). Oof. So embarrassing :(

I held onto that and carried it with me to the next 3 girls I got with, having problems each time. Finally I just stopped dating - I couldn’t deal with the embarrassment and humiliation. Fast forward 4/5 years, I’m sober and doing great in life. I decide to get back out there. I meet a cute girl, get to know her, and have her over to my place. Worried a bit about performance, I got a couple Viagra from my friend, and took one beforehand. And it was great! We had sex twice, no problems. Next week, same thing! And this is the first time having sex in like 5 years, so I’m elated to have found a solution.

Then, last night, I decide f it, I’m just going to go without, I know I can perform and it’s all psychological. Anddddd - ugh.Couldn’t get it up.

Now, I know it’s all in my head, but the mind is pretty powerful. So my strategy right now is to get a Viagra prescription, and just get a bunch of “wins” with this girl. Building trust and bonding, who cares if it’s medically assisted? Then, when I’m feeling really comfortable with her again, trying without.

Anyone have experience with this stuff? I guess at this point I just find it kind of funny for me. Which is a good sign; I think I’m attaching less importance to it, and it being essentially and anxiety disorder means I’m on my way to fully healing from it. Just wanted to share some thoughts
 
N

Nukelavee

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Some people might consider that as dishonesty, and get upset about it.
 
Zackthemaniac

Zackthemaniac

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Nothing wrong with having ED. Get the prescription and enjoy your love life. But you should tell her after you build some trust.
 
Randle McMurphy

Randle McMurphy

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OBE
Go for it. If you and her stay together for awhile you will be able to perform without the pill at some point.
 
A

AtlantaPerson

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Thanks y'all. Yeah, she wouldn't care; she's very chill. Very kind and open-minded.

Randle I think you're right, I feel that I'll do it with for a while, then try again without, and will eventually regain my confidence and no longer need it. I do think communication is key, so if I keep taking it long term, I'd prob let her know. But yeah I'm physically healthy, no prob masturbating etc. so I think if I just keep confronting this fear it'll subside relatively quickly.
 
Z

Zoe1

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I hope that goes well Atlanta

can anyone tell me does viagra alter your state of mind
like a mind altering substance ?
 
Z

Zoe1

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thank you Zack, k sounds great !
 
Randle McMurphy

Randle McMurphy

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Thanks y'all. Yeah, she wouldn't care; she's very chill. Very kind and open-minded.

Randle I think you're right, I feel that I'll do it with for a while, then try again without, and will eventually regain my confidence and no longer need it. I do think communication is key, so if I keep taking it long term, I'd prob let her know. But yeah I'm physically healthy, no prob masturbating etc. so I think if I just keep confronting this fear it'll subside relatively quickly.
Performance anxiety. Only well endowed porn stars in movies are great lovers. Normal men must make up for inadequacies by being good at other things. Up your foreplay game and do other things to satisfy her.
 
A

AtlantaPerson

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Joined
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Messages
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Location
Atlanta
Thanks Randle.
Update - I had her sleep over last Monday night and had a really good time. Although I feel like we’re so casual and all we do is hook up. I’ll ask her on a date next week. But yeah, I took a Viagra and still couldn’t get it up for the first idk several minutes, was very self conscious, etc. but eventually got it up and had sex with her, then had sex with her again:clap:

Now though I feel like I’m struggling with a whole different problem, and that’s the emotional aspects. Maybe I have BPD or something. Idk, I get this feeling she’s just suddenly decide she’s not into me and dump me, or ghost me. And it just seems completely irrational, like I don’t really have much evidence of that. But the fear remains, and I know that if I don’t process it, it most certainly will undermine this thing to the point where she will actually leave me, or I’ll just leave her preemptively or because of anxiety. Which both would suck. Whatever - I guess I have to just embrace uncertainty, which sucks but whatever. At the least, I’ve kept my insecurities and fear to myself, and not burdened her with them, or have been clingy and needy. If this were a more serious thing, I may considering delving into the deeper emotions with her, but it’s really casual so no need to go there.
 
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