• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Sexual abuse and depression

P

Permanent Midnight

New member
Founding Member
Joined
May 4, 2008
Messages
2
Hi everyone,

I have been diagnosed with depression 2 years ago (this is my second diagnosed episode - although I have been struggling with anxiety and depression since childhood).

I have read and heard that sexual abuse victims can often suffer from depression throughtout their lives... My question is regarding repressed memories of sexual abuse at an early age.

I have always experienced problems with each partner that I have had in my life. Sometimes, out of the blue, I cannot stand being touched by my partner when he intiates sex. I try to think of something else hoping that this feeling will go away but nothing works. I still feel sick to my stomach and have to ask him to stop.This does not happen often, but it is reccurent. I've struggle all my life with low self-esteem, self-hatred, self-injury, hating how my body looks and sleeping with men early in the relationship hoping that they will "love me more"...

I do have "flashbacks", memories of the basement of my babysitter's house when I was really young. No details come to mind except that it was dark down there and feeling scared and unconfortable. I also have a vague memory of my babysitter's husband who was also in the house. I sometimes think I am loosing my mind. I have absolutely no proof or clear memory that anything ever happened to me. But I keep wondering if maybe something did. What should I do? Is it possible to not remember? If so, is there a way to remember sexual abuse that might of happened at a very young age?

If anyone would like to share their experiences regarding repressed memories of abuse, it would be greatly appreciated. I would like to find out if something did happen to me in order to fix it. I am tired of being depressed and wanting to die. I also feel really bad for my boyfriend because he's the nicest guy in the world and this affects him too.

Thank you!
 
A

Apotheosis

Guest
I do have "flashbacks", memories of the basement of my babysitter's house when I was really young. No details come to mind except that it was dark down there and feeling scared and unconfortable. I also have a vague memory of my babysitter's husband who was also in the house. I sometimes think I am loosing my mind. I have absolutely no proof or clear memory that anything ever happened to me.
I believe that I was seriously sexually abused the first time I was under section. I do have some frightening & clear memories which don't add up except in the context of abuse. I won't go into details here. Most of the four months on the section is missing from my memory. There are only very limited memories & about 7 moments or small windows of time which I can remember from that period. I was given allot of drugs during that admission. Injections, largactil & handfuls of stuff. Some 4 years after that admission - a national paper ran a front page & series of reports on systematic abuse & widespread sexual abuse of patients; which was focused on the ward I was on & the time I was there fell in the middle of the period the abuse took place.

When I speak to people about it; mainly they don't believe me, & no one wants to talk about it. I try to just forget about it.
 
S

slow jo

Member
Founding Member
Joined
Mar 28, 2008
Messages
23
Hi i supressed memories of sexual abuse for over 20 years,
It was at my dad's funeral when I saw my abuser for the first time in at last 15yrs that the memories came flooding back. I have since had severe major depression which seems to be tratment resisant. I have tried therapy but this only made things worse for me. No-one knew not my family or my husband until I tried to take my own life, that was 3yrs ago. My abuser has since been sentanced to prison (not really my wish but felt pushed into pressing charges) where he died 6 months later. I now feel so much guilt that 1, he was sent to prison and 2, thats where he spent his last days.
Know one can or should tell you what to do or feel you have to do whats right for you. good luck and I am thinking of you.
 
Ashami

Ashami

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jan 28, 2008
Messages
1,033
Location
The Wilderness
Hi PM and :welcome:

Until recent years I too repressed memories of two sexual abuse events, one at the age of 4 and another at 6. I had completed supressed the first memory but the second remained in the back of my mind in a very vague sort of way. I was never sure if it was a dream, warped imagination or real.

I did 'find out' what I believe to be the truth. If you are interested to know how please pm me.
 
D

Dollit

Guest
I think it's wise to be careful of childhood memories seen with an adult mind. Memories can be very deceptive and not all memories such as the one you describe are linked to sexual abuse. :hug:
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
Fairy Lucretia can sexual abuse happen in marriage? Depression Forum 22
R Seven years of abuse Depression Forum 2
I I’ve relapsed into self harm and drug abuse Depression Forum 6
Z Is this depression? Depression Forum 7
P Helping/supporting my girlfriend who has depression Depression Forum 3
N Do i have depression or just dramatic Depression Forum 3
S anxiety and depression, does it ever end?? Depression Forum 5
whyme88 Anxiety leading to depression? Depression Forum 7
midnightphoenix Depression Depression Forum 1
F My Partner with depression Depression Forum 18
D Think my dad has depression (advice needed) Depression Forum 6
L Partner with depression Depression Forum 13
Supermansgirlfriend Depression hits again.. Depression Forum 10
W My Partner Suffers from Depression & Anxiety Depression Forum 6
DistantOcean Advice for people with depression Depression Forum 7
M 11 years of depression improperly treated by incompetents. 3 suicide attempts. PLEASE HELP!!! Depression Forum 6
D Not being able to meet girls. Worsening my depression. Depression Forum 15
Fairy Lucretia people that don't understand MI /depression Depression Forum 15
Desire less Depression translated Depression Forum 4
LostNorthernStar Physical Symptoms of Depression & Anxiety? Depression Forum 10
D Physically and mentally paralyzed by depression Depression Forum 7
Jewellady5 Depression Depression Forum 8
Z Depression? Depression Forum 4
A What is your bigger struggle, depression or anxiety? Depression Forum 53
B Medicine (pills) lead to Depression, seeking general guidance without specifics Depression Forum 1
R depression from sleep disorders/difficulty Depression Forum 4
R How do you cope with major depression Depression Forum 1
inicornus Talking to parents / friends about your depression Depression Forum 19
N Severe depression Depression Forum 14
Desire less Why it's so hard to get out of long-term depression!!! Depression Forum 4
Z Depression is destroying my life Depression Forum 16
MeAndMyDepression What ONE symptom of depression bothers you the most? Depression Forum 12
H How do I support someone with depression? Depression Forum 16
L Managing depression Depression Forum 13
E Does depression make you say things you don’t mean to the people closest to you? Depression Forum 6
J Psychedelic-Assisted Therapy to treat treatment resistant depression Depression Forum 2
A Depression from the last year ruined my marriage. Depression Forum 5
T Is this the depression talking or am I onto something? Depression Forum 16
W No job, no joy, nothing. Depression is killing me. Depression Forum 15
L Depression from grief and blame. Depression Forum 4
T Depression from Sleep Disorders/Difficulties Depression Forum 3
M Tired of fighting depression. Depression Forum 5
L Male postpartum depression Depression Forum 1
M Depression due loneliness, anyone else ? Depression Forum 25
U Rapidly developing depression symptoms Depression Forum 2
M Discussing my depression with SO Depression Forum 5
starfoxxy90 Greif and Loss with depression.. Depression Forum 2
S Help! My partners depression effect our family Depression Forum 6
MeAndMyDepression Cognitive distortions and depression Depression Forum 1
D Why do I seemingly not want to get better? Loneliness, failing university, depression, severe anxiety, and not doing anything about it Depression Forum 7

Similar threads

Top