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Sex, Drugs and...Triggers

bluenomore

bluenomore

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No, not Rock'n'roll - Triggers :p


Hmm, how can I put this :confused: :redface:

So, when I was addicted to drugs, I was very sexually active. Without going into details, drugs made me horny, and I loved sex on drugs.

For the last two years (and especially the last year), I've been pretty much totally 'dormant' in that area. Suffering from depression and anxiety hasn't helped of course, but there's another factor which I wanted to ask about here:

The last time that I did err.. indulge myself, along with physical sexual feelings, I felt really bad triggers for drug-use. I mean REALLY BAD.

Sex and drugs for me are now extremely closely linked. And that scares the shit out of me, and is a main reason that although I have been feeling relatively a lot better with regard to my other problems recently, I am seriously worried about what would happen if I erm... gave myself some relief. :eek:

Right, now that embarrassing part is over, is there anyone out there who is/has dealt with this?
 
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A

Apotheosis

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It's hard. I used to rely on alcohol & drugs for confidence & with relationships with women. I used to love sex on drugs too. The tablets (meds) have had a big effect on my confidence, self esteem, & sex drive. My sex life has been very barren over the past 11 years or so. Since stopping the drugs & drink 8 years ago (despite a small slip) - I have found that I get very anxious around any kind of romantic advances or situation - so much so that I avoid it altogether. I would love a close & intimate relationship. It is going to have to be with someone very understanding, as I get very panicked in a 'sexual' situation - racing heart, shakes, breathless etc.

I got very friendly with a woman a couple of years ago. When it got to the stage of realising that the relationship was going to progress to something more I got very panicked. She stayed one night. I felt very uncomfortable. I took viagra; due to anxiety about not being able to perform, which makes anxiety worse for me, I hate the bloody stuff. We had sex, I didn't really enjoy it, & I wanted her to go afterwards, I didn't want to be in the bed with her, & gave her no affection afterwards either. I think that she picked up on everything; & she never stayed again & we drifted apart.

Maybe I have to be honest? But what will most women make of that? Hello - I'm a paranoid schizophrenic, that after 17 years of drug addiction & long term dependence on meds; finds it hard to get a 'hard on' & is afraid of intimacy & sex; so much so that I get panic attacks. As things are it is probably easier to just forget about being in any kind of relationship.

Seeing as we are being candid & honest - then I would say that there is something to be said for seeing a creature of the night. I tried that once to see if I could overcome some of these hangups. It was no different - worse if anything. It doesn't sit right with me, & I couldn't get it up.

I don't know what the answer is Blue. With all the problems that alcohol/drugs cause - it is no solution for me to try a relapse to find a relationship.
 
unlucky

unlucky

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Sex?? Whats that?? I'm married so I don't know!! Seriously though, I think that if you want drugs when you have sex then you should just give it a miss for a wee while, though on the other hand you could maybe have it all the time and the drugs feeling will wear off!! Oh bother, I'm not much help at all!!:D:p:LOL:
 
G

GrizzlyBear

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I guess what I'd wonder, Blue, is whether you feel you'd want the drugs before, during or after (or all three). If it's after that is probably the most vulnerable situation of the three. Afterwards can be tearful...I think that the 'release' can be multi-faceted. I have been known to laugh a lot afterwards or burst into tears (and not because I had a bad experience) but because it opens the dams in more ways than one.

If it was before and during that I wanted the drugs I would probably just wait until in the bath or bed...so that it really wasn't that appealing to get out of there in order to get some....and then I'd hurry up to the release point.

Sorry if I am way off here in any respect. I know I don't really understand how you feel. But I think we all have situations where we feel "If I do this I may go back downhill" - and that's a pretty goddamn scary place to be.
 
Cal

Cal

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hmm tough one, sex has never been an issue for me (i've never had any :redface:) but drugs are, so i know about that side of it. However since you say that it was the feeling of sex on drugs that you liked so much then i don't think if it's gonna be an issue if it's a solo experience because of the amount of organisation to get before such an impulsive event. However it is a bad thing that that connection is in your mind but hopefully it is something that can be rewritten and you can find positive associations to sex, good luck. In regards to what Apotheosis said about the whole lady of the night thing i can see the reasoning but i've always thought of that as a hollow experience which is why i've always said no to them (even once when someone else was paying)
 
shaun3210

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Stephen Fry and the lead singer from the group James both went thru periods of celibacy to help with their drug problems I remember reading somewhere.

When I was in my early 20’s I had sex quite a few times time’s while on various drug’s, looking back on a couple of the experiences: I think it’s the way sex should be in an ideal world! ...or am I being naive and sex isn’t meant to be that good???

Sorry I don’t have any answer as to how you separate the two :( but I can understand how you got there.
 
bluenomore

bluenomore

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Thanks everyone for your responses.

It's hard. I used to rely on alcohol & drugs for confidence & with relationships with women. I used to love sex on drugs too. The tablets (meds) have had a big effect on my confidence, self esteem, & sex drive. My sex life has been very barren over the past 11 years or so. Since stopping the drugs & drink 8 years ago (despite a small slip) - I have found that I get very anxious around any kind of romantic advances or situation - so much so that I avoid it altogether. I would love a close & intimate relationship. It is going to have to be with someone very understanding, as I get very panicked in a 'sexual' situation - racing heart, shakes, breathless etc.

...

Maybe I have to be honest? But what will most women make of that? Hello - I'm a paranoid schizophrenic, that after 17 years of drug addiction & long term dependence on meds; finds it hard to get a 'hard on' & is afraid of intimacy & sex; so much so that I get panic attacks. As things are it is probably easier to just forget about being in any kind of relationship.

Seeing as we are being candid & honest - then I would say that there is something to be said for seeing a creature of the night. I tried that once to see if I could overcome some of these hangups. It was no different - worse if anything. It doesn't sit right with me, & I couldn't get it up.

I don't know what the answer is Blue. With all the problems that alcohol/drugs cause - it is no solution for me to try a relapse to find a relationship.
Thanks Apotheois for your very candid and honest reply. I feel slightly less self-concious now about discussing this subject. You spoke about the problems of being intimate with a partner. I'm sorry If I didn't make it clear (I was trying not to get too graphic), but in my current situation I was really just referring to masturbation. However, you've raised a really interesting and important point. Throughout about the last year and a half of my time in Thailand, I went through pretty much everything you described. (This was after I stopped taking drugs, and was trying to make a life with my ex-partner) I didn't want to have anything to do with sex. I started panicking if she made advances towards me. I wouldn't even allow us to shower together. She was very understanding, but this was just another symptom of how fucked-up I was. Things just continued to deteriorate from there. When I look back on things though, I don't think I had sex (with partners or not) without being on drugs, even once in the previous 6 years. I mean, why would you want to when the sex was incredible on stuff?

Sex?? Whats that?? I'm married so I don't know!! Seriously though, I think that if you want drugs when you have sex then you should just give it a miss for a wee while, though on the other hand you could maybe have it all the time and the drugs feeling will wear off!! Oh bother, I'm not much help at all!!:D:p:LOL:
Erm, well I have been 'giving it a miss' for about two years. But I'm starting to feel a bit like Santa on a busy Christmas Eve :p

I guess what I'd wonder, Blue, is whether you feel you'd want the drugs before, during or after (or all three). If it's after that is probably the most vulnerable situation of the three. Afterwards can be tearful...I think that the 'release' can be multi-faceted. I have been known to laugh a lot afterwards or burst into tears (and not because I had a bad experience) but because it opens the dams in more ways than one.
Well If I can try to explain myself better, the first time I would masturbate, I know I would start thinking about how good it would feel if I was high. Once I'd finished, that seed (no pun intended) of an idea would start growing inside my head, and I'm afraid that I wouldn't be able to cast it into the shadows where it belongs. That's essentially what I'm scared of. If I ever got that compelling yearning back, I am certainly capable of going out and scoring some crack (in the same way that I have overcome my fears and walked into a supermarket, when I've been determined to have a drink).

If I ever got to the stage of doing that, I wouldn't be able to predict when, or even if, I would stop again. The last crack-binge I had about a year ago last two weeks.

If it was before and during that I wanted the drugs I would probably just wait until in the bath or bed...so that it really wasn't that appealing to get out of there in order to get some....and then I'd hurry up to the release point.

Sorry if I am way off here in any respect. I know I don't really understand how you feel. But I think we all have situations where we feel "If I do this I may go back downhill" - and that's a pretty goddamn scary place to be.
I think that the shower idea might be the way to go. I could make it a 'quicky', and try not to dwell on it. (can't believe we're discussing how best for me to have a wank :D)

Nice one Grizz :)

hmm tough one, sex has never been an issue for me (i've never had any :redface:) but drugs are, so i know about that side of it. However since you say that it was the feeling of sex on drugs that you liked so much then i don't think if it's gonna be an issue if it's a solo experience because of the amount of organisation to get before such an impulsive event. However it is a bad thing that that connection is in your mind but hopefully it is something that can be rewritten and you can find positive associations to sex, good luck. In regards to what Apotheosis said about the whole lady of the night thing i can see the reasoning but i've always thought of that as a hollow experience which is why i've always said no to them (even once when someone else was paying)
Thanks for your post. As I indicated above though, it's not the first time I'm worried about. As for 'ladies of the night', I lived in Thailand for 5 years - nuff said - (and no It wouldn't be an option).

Stephen Fry and the lead singer from the group James both went thru periods of celibacy to help with their drug problems I remember reading somewhere.

When I was in my early 20’s I had sex quite a few times time’s while on various drug’s, looking back on a couple of the experiences: I think it’s the way sex should be in an ideal world! ...or am I being naive and sex isn’t meant to be that good???

Sorry I don’t have any answer as to how you separate the two :( but I can understand how you got there.
Thanks Shaun, I'll look into the Stephen Fry & other guy's stories (maybe I'll send Mr. Fry a tweet on Twitter :))

No, I don't think sex was meant to be that good - that's the dangerous thing about it! It's very difficult to get that out of your mind :cry:

Well I didn't think I'd get any replies on this so I'm very grateful to all of you :)

btw - remind me to never try to multi-quote 5 people next time - I need a lie down after this! :D
 
Cal

Cal

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Sorry i know this is off at a tangent but i hadn't realised until today that you'd lived in thailand (saw it on a different post though), i lived there for 6 months it was surreal (that's where i got offered previously mentioned ladies of the night and that's strange enough when you're 12), whereabouts were you?
 
bluenomore

bluenomore

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Sorry i know this is off at a tangent but i hadn't realised until today that you'd lived in thailand (saw it on a different post though), i lived there for 6 months it was surreal (that's where i got offered previously mentioned ladies of the night and that's strange enough when you're 12), whereabouts were you?
I was on Ko Samui most of the time, as well as Ko Pha Ngan (full-moon-party island) and about 3 months on the main-land (about 2 hours drive NW of Bangkok).

Yeah, I can imagine how surreal it must have been for a 12 yr old!
Whereabouts were you?
I take it your parent(s) were working out there?
 
Cal

Cal

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Chiang Mai, my dad still has a flat there even though he's moved to azerbaijan now, it was just me and him since my parents are divorced and he was teaching english. It was fun but i don't think it was good because he's always been quite distant and so i was mostly left to my own devices.
 
A

Apotheosis

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Thanks Apotheois for your very candid and honest reply. I feel slightly less self-concious now about discussing this subject. You spoke about the problems of being intimate with a partner. I'm sorry If I didn't make it clear (I was trying not to get too graphic), but in my current situation I was really just referring to masturbation.
Ahh masturbation. It's healthy I think. I don't do it to excess. It helps me get to sleep sometimes. I remember some times masturbating on a lot of LSD - & the women in the porno mags seemed alive & danced off the pages; it was so intense. I have had sex on LSD too - but that wasn't as intense. Coke & E was OK too, & cannabis. But the best sex I had was when I was largely sober; during a phase of cutting down on drug use; with the last relationship I was in some 12 years ago.

I am glad that you started this thread. Sex is another tabooish subject; like mental health. People don't talk about this stuff enough; in serious ways. & this is a subject that has a lot of effect on people. As is being discussed - especially in relation to addiction & MH issues.

What does porn do for you? Does that enliven things?

Blue said:
I mean, why would you want to when the sex was incredible on stuff?
Have you tried sex magic/Tantric sex. I have practised some of it. that can spice things up.

I have found that getting older; there is not the same desire or drive for sex (combined with meds). I am far more interested now in friendships.
Within a loving, open & intimate relationship; then I can see sex as being good. But if it's a case of a partner primarily for sex; then I would honestly rather have a Sherman tank. A lot of past relationships were based on sexual gratification; & I think that a lot of people do have that as the basis for things; (if they are honest) especially younger people.
 
Cal

Cal

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i've never masturbated on drugs (as far as i can remember anyway) but i have on an ecstasy come down and that was... weird but in a good way.
 
shaun3210

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God I’m going to say this on a public forum:eek: ...but anyway the degree of openness already shown means it feels safe :)

My sex drive has plummeted over the last few years, I hope mainly though the depression and will return to something like it used to be before, this might sound strange but my sex drive has improved since I started on the AD’s, when they are said to have exactly opposite effect:p

I have always had a funny relationship with sex even with masturbating, I have some emotional issues with it I guess. When I was in my longest relationship in my early 30’s we had sex at least 3 times a week, I really enjoyed it I loved the anticipation, the intimacy, the act of giving pleasure and feeling close to her, but I never had the 'release' (good word :p) don’t get me wrong I did 'release' but without the good bit, I still found it very satisfying and fun, but I did run into problem in later relationships where my partners were less sexually adventurous and I got bored after a few months :(

I have been like this since I was 17 or 18 when I first had depression, but yet on drugs in my early 20’s I could get the 'release' so that near enough confirms it’s emotional for me.
I did speak to my GP in my late 20’s about it and he referred me to a consultant about it and I ended up on Viagra, which didn’t help and the side effects I found unpleasant, guess I need counselling for sex as well! lol
 
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Apotheosis

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Maybe we should form the 'Self satisfying intoxicated wankers reminiscing society' -
 
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