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Sex as release of day to day pressures

K

knowledge

New member
Joined
May 21, 2018
Messages
4
Location
scotland
Hi

I am new here and do not know if this is ok to post here as i am a carer as well. i hope it is.

I have been my wife's carer for a long time now and we have always had an active and good sexual relationship. She now has been in remission of cancer now for 12 month and also suffers from mental health problems, but still is not interested in sex even she now is physical recovered. the problem is that sex always has been a pressure release and a necessity to life for me. i have got chronic illnesses myself and suffer from mental health as well, as my wife is and sex was something which kept my equilibrium..

I few years back, when we were younger, we were swingers and had an open relationship, we have been married now for 35 years and are rock solid, as we have always been, never any problems or secrets.
My wife suffered a trauma, about 7 years back, which caused her mental health problems and that it when she did withdraw from society and the outside world, as according to her, they can not be trusted.
She has told me that i can go ahead and have sex with somebody else, but not in our house or any overnight stays and she does not want to be told about it.
We have talked to our Dr and my wife's counselor and also now her psychiatrist, but they all just say to give it time.
I live 40 miles from the nearest town, have not dated for years, so i would not even know where to start to find a willing partner.
Neither do i have the time to look, as i am a carer for her 7 days a week all day and just have a little time in the evening.
so my question is does anybody have any ideas how to deal with this, should I consider looking for carers in the same boat as me, for some mutual relief?
Or would this be wrong?
Thanks
 
I

IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

Guest
Oh yeah I already replied to this in a different section.
 
S

schizolanza

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 22, 2008
Messages
2,659
The fact that your wife doesn't want to know about it suggests she is not happy about you having sex with someone else. I think it could harm your relationship. If you told her that you only want to make love to her it might help. Masturbation is an option that won't hurt your wife in the same way as having sex with a stranger don't you think?
 
K

knowledge

New member
Joined
May 21, 2018
Messages
4
Location
scotland
The fact that your wife doesn't want to know about it suggests she is not happy about you having sex with someone else. I think it could harm your relationship. If you told her that you only want to make love to her it might help. Masturbation is an option that won't hurt your wife in the same way as having sex with a stranger don't you think?
Valid point,"suggests she is not happy",but we were swingers before, so that confuses me. With regard to masturbation as you mentioned it, this has been in our live now for about 3 years and sometimes, so i am told by carer organizations, i am supposed to look and take care of my own needs, like having time to my self, holidays, treats and time off. Well i do not need these but just good old fashion no strings attached and no emotion sex, to recharge my battery. Just need to make sure this is right, so opinions are appreciated and if possible suggestions how to go about it.

Thanks
 
exyz

exyz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 14, 2017
Messages
2,773
Your wife has been through a dreadful time and still sounds to be in a fragile state.
She is a human being who needs love and understanding.

She is not your P.O.W comfort woman.

Your post is all about you and sex, ( and not loving sex) in my view.
"Recharge your battery"?

If that is how you talk to her and treat her, then her reaction does not surprise me. Who do you think you are, Peter Stringfellow?

You sound a right charmer.
 
K

knowledge

New member
Joined
May 21, 2018
Messages
4
Location
scotland
Your wife has been through a dreadful time and still sounds to be in a fragile state.
She is a human being who needs love and understanding.

She is not your P.O.W comfort woman.

Your post is all about you and sex, ( and not loving sex) in my view.
"Recharge your battery"?

If that is how you talk to her and treat her, then her reaction does not surprise me. Who do you think you are, Peter Stringfellow?

You sound a right charmer.
And you are exceptionally dumb and rude, grow up, never said this how i have sex with my wife, so learn to to read and grow up, this forum is also supposed to be for the need of the carer.
So if it is not, they should not have forum for cares and if one can not speak freely this is poor show,
 
C

Candy19

Guest
People change over years, maybe she's telling you that you can still have sex with other people so she doesn't feel guilty for you going sexless because she doesn't want to do it at this moment...
I don't know, but you need to talk to her and ask her how she feels or what she wants out of you and the relationship
 
exyz

exyz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 14, 2017
Messages
2,773
And you are exceptionally dumb and rude, grow up, never said this how i have sex with my wife, so learn to to read and grow up, this forum is also supposed to be for the need of the carer.
So if it is not, they should not have forum for cares and if one can not speak freely this is poor show,
As I said, you come across as a charmer.
Is that how you speak to your wife?
 
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