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Severe depression

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Neymika

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My daughter aged 28 is severely depressed .She never goes to office even before corona , works from home . She is always cocooned in her room, has explosive anger .She stays awake whole night and sleeps for about 12 hours during day. Eats very little and is highly withdrawn .Refuses to see doctor or therapist. What do I do ?
 
MeAndMyDepression

MeAndMyDepression

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That's a really tough situation that both of you are experiencing. Tell her that you love her and ask her what you can do for her? Maybe just focus on one thing that upsets you? The fact that she refuses to see a doctor or therapist is really compounding the problem.
 
Desire less

Desire less

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You know the cause of her behaviour?
Why is she so unhappy? what caused the depression? anger is usual when feeling depressed
 
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treasurebox

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Listening to good, motivational and uplifting songs on youtube helps me. Encourage her to listen to music because it is therapeutic.
 
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siliconom

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You're Indian right? I know how tough this is in your own country compared to Europe.

As her mom she might not listen to you.is there an older family friend she respects who you can get to talk to her?
 
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Alexander Ypsilantis

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My daughter aged 28 is severely depressed .She never goes to office even before corona , works from home . She is always cocooned in her room, has explosive anger .She stays awake whole night and sleeps for about 12 hours during day. Eats very little and is highly withdrawn .Refuses to see doctor or therapist. What do I do ?
Sounds as if she would benefit from group therapy-or group interaction, at any rate. Nobody can be happy isolated like that, they become a prisoner of their own fears and imagination.

Getting her to cooperate with any plan is going to be the challenge. When I was severely depressed many years ago they had me put in hospital (I wanted to harm myself at that time). Doctors, spouses and parents have the authority to have a dependant (even an adult child) put into hospital if they are incapable of taking care of themselves. A week in a hospital, taking group therapy might be just what she needs. I worked for me, I ended up enjoying the workshops I had to attend as well as meeting other folks who were suffering from mental health issues just as I was. They ended up being just everyday normal people who succumbed to unfortunate events in their lives, it can happen to any of us.

I hope things work out for your daughter, she can't be very happy living like that.
 
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Neymika

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Sounds as if she would benefit from group therapy-or group interaction, at any rate. Nobody can be happy isolated like that, they become a prisoner of their own fears and imagination.

Getting her to cooperate with any plan is going to be the challenge. When I was severely depressed many years ago they had me put in hospital (I wanted to harm myself at that time). Doctors, spouses and parents have the authority to have a dependant (even an adult child) put into hospital if they are incapable of taking care of themselves. A week in a hospital, taking group therapy might be just what she needs. I worked for me, I ended up enjoying the workshops I had to attend as well as meeting other folks who were suffering from mental health issues just as I was. They ended up being just everyday normal people who succumbed to unfortunate events in their lives, it can happen to any of us.

I hope things work out for your daughter, she can't be very happy living like that.
Than you so much for your advice Alexander Ypsilantis.
 
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Neymika

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You're Indian right? I know how tough this is in your own country compared to Europe.

As her mom she might not listen to you.is there an older family friend she respects who you can get to talk to her?
Yes ,I am an Indian .She doesn't listen to her father either .
 
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siliconom

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You could stop bringing her food. Then she will have to leave her bedroom and you can try talking
 
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Alexander Ypsilantis

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I do not know the cause of her depression
It'll require a specialist to help your daughter determine that, that's the main goal of regular therapy.

I hope things work out with your daughter. We're all struggling right now, this worldwide pandemic has magnified normally difficult problems even more. I hope vaccine distribution in India is proceeding and can help ease your concerns about that issue anyway. Peace.
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

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You definitely need to find out the reason for it, so encourage talking, just be mindful that not everyone wants to talk about their deepest, most personal feelings, so it may take some time. You need to be firm about her giving you something back, but not forcing her or being angry with her. A difficult balance.
In the meantime she's living upside down by being awake all night in the dark and asleep all day. She needs to get exposure to the light, this will help to re-set the sleep-wake pattern that comes with waking in the morning and sleeping at night. This is more important than most realise, so encourage normal hours too (you mentioned work, this is obviously more difficult if she works through the night).
If you are available, perhaps suggest a walk when it's light, preferably in the morning, and you could maybe talk as you walk?
 
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Neymika

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It'll require a specialist to help your daughter determine that, that's the main goal of regular therapy.

I hope things work out with your daughter. We're all struggling right now, this worldwide pandemic has magnified normally difficult problems even more. I hope vaccine distribution in India is proceeding and can help ease your concerns about that issue anyway. Peace.
Yes , hope things get better . Vaccine has arrived in India .But right now senior citizens are being given .We will be getting later.
Thank you .
 
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siliconom

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She starves if I don't give her food .
She screams if I try talking to her .
Sorry to say this, but something tells me that you and your husband have something to do with this. Why? Her sleep patterns is a way of avoiding you as much as possible.

The nice people on this forum including me (I was nice last time I looked) really want to help you because your distress is obvious but you are making it difficult for us by not giving any background information.

If you cannot be open to friendly strangers on an anonymous forum, you will not be able to talk to your daughter.

Thats why I suggested that you ask someone else to talk to her. A cleric? A family friend? Her best friend? Her friend's parents?

I understand that as a proud Indian mother you don't want anyone to know that you are having family problems but in reality, nearly every family has. In your culture nobody talks about it, especially high caste middle class types.

So Please reach out for help. You can't do it alone.
 
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