Severe depression

[Skinini]

Hi everyone, this is my first post, I've recently found myself at a real low point, ive suffered with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember, I thought it was Normal for a long time, I've been on the medication (doesn't do alot) therapy (fucking expensive) even class a drugs to try and fill a gap (also very expensive and VERY counterproductive)... Things just seem to be getting worse, I've self harmed before just to feel something but I honestly think I'm just plain suicidal now, Its not a panicked feeling anymore, i can look in the mirror and have a calm composed conversation with myself about how everything would be better for myself and everyone around me if I just "fucked off"... Now as it stands I don't think I have the balls to actually go through with it (I wouldn't be posting this if I did) but I'm worried that soon I'll end up taking that step... I honestly don't know where I stand or what to do next, I feel like I've tried everything to no avail... Any words of advice or people in similar situations are very much welcomed and appreciated!

 

[Skynet]

It sounds like your medication is ineffective; you seem to be quite depressed despite the fact that you're taking it. But remember that every drug feels different and there are drugs out there that will make you feel better; you just need to get your doctor to prescribe them. Sometimes it can take a while to find the right drug or combination of drugs; tell your psychiatrist to switch you to a better drug/drugs. If you kill yourself now, you won't get to be on more effective medication than you are on now and you'll effectively close the door to all future happiness.

 

[Urban Hermit]

to the forum, I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so bad, I can relate to the feelings and thoughts you have been having X
I hope that you find this forum helps you x

 

[letmein]

i can relate to this.. so dam low.

not got the balls as you say, can't do it to my daughter.

but i have given up.

 

[Jules5]

I do not know how to comfort you except I have been there too just never went through with it. The world needs you badly. They need your experience, voice and hope.

I can tell you would not go for one of your friends killing themselves. I have had many friends kill themselves. I always say what could I have said last time I saw them to give them hope. I am always busy smoking cigarettes and scared of talking to them. I have lost good friends because of this disease.

Please help others as you just helped us.

 

[Jules5]

I do not know how to comfort you except I have been there too just never went through with it. The world needs you badly. They need your experience, voice and hope.

I can tell you would not go for one of your friends killing themselves. I have had many friends kill themselves. I always say what could I have said last time I saw them to give them hope. I am always busy smoking cigarettes and scared of talking to them. I have lost good friends because of this disease.

Please help others as you just helped us.

When I say disease I mean Mental. It never goes away but we can arrest it.

 

[Israel04]

Well, you're not alone and I'm new to this. I also suffer depression and I go through a similar event. I've gotten it out yesterday, but it's like no one actually care everywhere I've been. I believe that the end is near. Eventually, when either of us fall off the handle (especially in resilience) and attack someone, what would they then say and do? I say that I won't be responsible for it. I don't know about you. That's all I can say...I wish I'd had someone understand what I've wrote before all of this.