- Nov 25, 2018
I've suffered from severe anxiety on and off for many years. This last bout has been going on for over a year. I think I have always had social anxiety but have tried to force myself to do things instead of avoiding situations. However, even visiting some members of the family is difficult apart from immediate members. I drink alcohol rarely but on a family visit I did have a few drinks because my anxiety was through the roof. As a result, the next day I felt worse, convinced myself I'd done/said something that upset someone or said/done something that had been misconstrued as something else so in my head now I have caused a family schism. Is this OCD thinking? I was even worried when saying goodbye in case it looked like I was trying to hide something I'd done/said the previous evening by cuddling everybody to show I had nothing to hide lol. This then makes me believe I have got something to hide which I know is illogical.I'm at college and have to force myself to go. On more than one occasion I've had real urges to run. It's a means to an end and I try to hide my anxiety but it's horrible. I feel like I just want to live like a hermit so that I don't have to face any anxiety inducing stimulation or situations. It's a continuous cycle of worrying about and over analysing every situation, conversation. I feel wracked with guilt all the time and I know I'm completely self-absorbed. I'm exhausted and the only relief I get is sleep induced by zopiclone.