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Severe anxiety after dealing with stalkers

W

wallywonka94

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Many times I have wished that I could go back in time and avoid getting myself into such suicidal inducing troubles. I was in a gaming community about 4 years ago, and after I quit that game, some insanely ill individual became obsessed with me started to find me wherever I go, monitoring all my online activities, finding photos and personal information about me, and sharing it to her group of friends which consists of about 3-5 people. Every single day I keep thinking they're making fun of me, laughing at me, mocking and judging at my photos, and insecurities, and other personal sensitive information. This individual also has a habit where she impersonates someone else and defame them online, so the thoughts that she's doing that to me constantly dread over me every single day and never at peace. I confronted her multiple times, and each time I do that, she would gaslights, lie, and pretend to not know who I am, in an attempt to make me feel insane and make me question my reality, or she simply does it to avoid feeling shameful for her stalking behaviour, and she even at one point accuses me of stalking her and harassing her because I could not control myself and blew up at her due to the stalking. I felt suicidal over 500 times this year, I feel so powerless, I mean I'm failing in life and just very dysfunctional, and so misery seeks company but I don't want to be her company especially when she does not show her vulnerabilities but is forcing her way into my vulnerabilities and sharing it with other people. Now anything I watch, do or say, it's always about this situation, I feel panic and anxious and stressed every day, ruminating and thinking about this, and feel so uncomfortable in my own body, I want to end it but at the same time also want revenge for what was done to me, I can't also file a report to the police because I'm a powerless scared individual with mental illness.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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4 years is an extreme amount of time to be under such immense stress

Revenge sadly we have to overcome that feeling because we cannot have it

I have some understanding of how you are feeling, sadly.

Are you away from this situation now? As in not in contact with anyone involved and safe from everything?
 
Tawny

Tawny

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If you’re thinking about suicide and are in immediate danger, please call your local emergency number (i.e. in the UK call 999, in the USA or Canada call 911, in Australia call 000 and in New Zealand call 111) or call the international emergency number of 112.

If you have been affected by the contents of this thread and would like to speak to someone about your feelings you can call one of the following helplines:

In the UK and Ireland, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123.
In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255.
In Canada, the Suicide Prevention Service on 1.833.456.4566.
In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14.
In New Zealand, the Need to Talk service is on 1737 or 080017371737.
Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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When life is so difficult, i feel like the best way, the best way for me anyway, was to clear out everything and everyone that was stressful. Your brain needs to settle, your body, your system, needs to settle and only peace and rest will allow that to happen.

This is time to focus on YOU, what YOU need, what YOU want.

The basics, money, roof over your head, food, shower, and you can build up again from there.

Very slowly, rest, look after you.
 
E

EclipticNight

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Oct 27, 2020
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Orleans vermont.
Many times I have wished that I could go back in time and avoid getting myself into such suicidal inducing troubles. I was in a gaming community about 4 years ago, and after I quit that game, some insanely ill individual became obsessed with me started to find me wherever I go, monitoring all my online activities, finding photos and personal information about me, and sharing it to her group of friends which consists of about 3-5 people. Every single day I keep thinking they're making fun of me, laughing at me, mocking and judging at my photos, and insecurities, and other personal sensitive information. This individual also has a habit where she impersonates someone else and defame them online, so the thoughts that she's doing that to me constantly dread over me every single day and never at peace. I confronted her multiple times, and each time I do that, she would gaslights, lie, and pretend to not know who I am, in an attempt to make me feel insane and make me question my reality, or she simply does it to avoid feeling shameful for her stalking behaviour, and she even at one point accuses me of stalking her and harassing her because I could not control myself and blew up at her due to the stalking. I felt suicidal over 500 times this year, I feel so powerless, I mean I'm failing in life and just very dysfunctional, and so misery seeks company but I don't want to be her company especially when she does not show her vulnerabilities but is forcing her way into my vulnerabilities and sharing it with other people. Now anything I watch, do or say, it's always about this situation, I feel panic and anxious and stressed every day, ruminating and thinking about this, and feel so uncomfortable in my own body, I want to end it but at the same time also want revenge for what was done to me, I can't also file a report to the police because I'm a powerless scared individual with mental illness.
I know a trick to ward off stalkers. Scare them. They prey on your fear and anxiety so you need to become the monster and fight fire with fire. Ignoring wont word, revenge in any meaningful way would be amoral and illegal. So how do you scare someone like that? Imagination, suggestion and a healthy helping of crazy.

People fear insanity. This is because people fear what they cant understand. Embrace insanity to a ridiculous level. Here's what I did.

First I randomly asked them how they like the blood eagle. That's a horrifying torture, and that's all I said about it. Later on I saw that person and said "oh yeah I almost forgot!" And started drawing a pentagram in the dirt and asked them their blood type. They ran. I guess in school they felt more secure so I got my girlfriend in on it and started telling her how to lanodimise someone. I made sure they could hear but I also kept it down as if I was hiding it. By the end of senior year no one dared come to my house and throw rocks at me.

So mine is a teenage version and in person. Tailor it to the situation. You dont need to be violent, you can say creepy stuff, shocking stuff or outright meaningless things and if they talk about it you flip it and make them look crazy. Go make a second account and when they message you, you message them. Tell them you see them, or they smell funny. Whatever freaks them out. Eventually they will fear you more than enjoy torturing you and go away. If you get really into it and find out who they are you can google map their house and mention details in passing. I did that to someone who tried to rape a friend.
 
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