- Jun 1, 2021
- United States
Many times I have wished that I could go back in time and avoid getting myself into such suicidal inducing troubles. I was in a gaming community about 4 years ago, and after I quit that game, some insanely ill individual became obsessed with me started to find me wherever I go, monitoring all my online activities, finding photos and personal information about me, and sharing it to her group of friends which consists of about 3-5 people. Every single day I keep thinking they're making fun of me, laughing at me, mocking and judging at my photos, and insecurities, and other personal sensitive information. This individual also has a habit where she impersonates someone else and defame them online, so the thoughts that she's doing that to me constantly dread over me every single day and never at peace. I confronted her multiple times, and each time I do that, she would gaslights, lie, and pretend to not know who I am, in an attempt to make me feel insane and make me question my reality, or she simply does it to avoid feeling shameful for her stalking behaviour, and she even at one point accuses me of stalking her and harassing her because I could not control myself and blew up at her due to the stalking. I felt suicidal over 500 times this year, I feel so powerless, I mean I'm failing in life and just very dysfunctional, and so misery seeks company but I don't want to be her company especially when she does not show her vulnerabilities but is forcing her way into my vulnerabilities and sharing it with other people. Now anything I watch, do or say, it's always about this situation, I feel panic and anxious and stressed every day, ruminating and thinking about this, and feel so uncomfortable in my own body, I want to end it but at the same time also want revenge for what was done to me, I can't also file a report to the police because I'm a powerless scared individual with mental illness.