• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Set an alarm at 9am today, took me 3 and a half hours to get out of bed

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depressed_person18

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 9, 2019
Messages
46
Location
United Kingdom
What is wrong with me? Why am I like this? I'm so done with it. I can't do anything. I can't even bother myself to a ring a doctor because I know how anxiety-inducing it will be and I like to avoid my anxiety as much as I can, which has also led to me so far failing my first year of university (this is a whole other problem and I don't know if it's possible to even recover it after I've missed every assignment, tutorial, lecture - basically everything - since October). I try to put off doing things for as long as possible. Even personal hygiene. I used to have showers every day but now I just have them when I need them so that I don't have to go through it every day. I can't even read a book for more than 5 minutes without getting irritated or bored. I lose my focus easily. I'm never physically or mentally comfortable. I've lost most contact with my friends since we left school. At least back then I had people to talk to everyday and I got away from my depression for a while. The only thing was that I didn't ever go out with them outside of school because that gave me social anxiety. I felt more comfortable in school. We even had a formal in the final year of school and I did not attend this because the thought of it made me way too anxious. And I was one of the only people in the year (and the only person in my close group of friends) that did not attend the event. We also had a final year performance which I was planning on skipping but I was off for a few days for some other reason which I cannot remember. Anyways, school for me ended ten months ago due to the lockdown. In ten months I've had barely any proper social contact. There was one time I was dragged out with another group of friends which I'm not as close with but still talked to a lot in school and after I drank for a bit I was socialising absolutely fine and I was pretty confident. It's just the anxiety and lack of confidence that makes me normally suck at/avoid socialising. There's lots of things I want to do but anxiety prevents me from doing. I wish this was not the case. And the depression makes everything difficult doing no matter what. Little things can set a depressive episode off because I'm a lot more sensitive to things like that now. Anyways what are my options with regards to all this?
 
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depressed_person18

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 9, 2019
Messages
46
Location
United Kingdom
sorry things are so hard right now x sending love and i hope you feel better soon x
Thanks :) I don't think things will get better on their own so I have to make a change, if only I wasn't so anxious that I could call my local GP practice or something. Otherwise I'd have to deal with it all on my own which I am not very good at
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
6,138
Location
England
I get so much anxiety from ringing the doctor too. If you are not coping on your own though, maybe you need help form somewhere?

You can talk to us, if that is enough.

Do you have anyone else in your life you can talk to? Or helplines to call?
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
6,138
Location
England
Hopefully lockdown will not last much longer.

I understand your social anxieties, i have felt like that too but not as severe. When i am depressed or low i don't like big gatherings but when i am well, i quite like them. Also, if with people i feel comfortable with everything is much easier.

It is hard to wash, but as long as you eventually do wash it is ok. Try not to put pressure on yourself to do anything or be anything. You are doing your best and you just have to focus on you. You need to care for yourself, accept yourself, and see if you can pull yourself out of this. If you cannot, you will need to see your doctor. Phone them i mean. They are happy just to talk to you and support you and may have some good suggestions. My GP recently started talking to me about the effects of covid and also the lack of sunlight. She told me to take Vitamin D.

I also taken medication and couldn't cope without it.

I make sure i have a shower every other day. My hair i let get dirty sometimes as i prefer to focus on eating and cleaning.

Try to get out for a walk. I have been this morning and feel bright and positive. It is essential to get sunlight and a little exercise.

Keep writing and maybe we can help.
 
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skan3915

Member
Joined
Jan 31, 2021
Messages
22
Location
Pennsylvania
depressed_person18 -- your post is heartbreaking to me. I was never in as tough shape as you, but I could have been.
I believe your depression/anxiety levels are severe. They are not going to improve on their own, or by trying to "avoid my anxiety."
You have to deal with it. Simple as.
The how-to is the hard part, unfortunately.
I believe your brain is physically damaged. It wasn't previously.
Your post suggested you were enjoying a happy life. Friends. Activities. Etc. You can get back to those days. Believe me.
Here are the things you'll need to get on the road to recovery, IMO.
1. Medication. Some will scoff, but the proper medication can level you off to the point that you can start to train your brain to react to life's issues better.
2. Therapy. Talking about your issues with a trained professional, or a group of fellow sufferers can be incredibly helpful, if you embrace it.
3. Attitude & Hope. You have to want to recover. It's easy to give up and quit. Recovering is harder.
4. Acceptance. This is the big one as far I'm concerned. From your post I think you've already accepted that you're having mental problems. That's a decent first step. Next up is accepting all the little/big issues that come up each day, each hour, each minute.
Here's an example of how to ACCEPT.
You wrote of skipping a Formal from your school days. I'm going to guess you felt miserable that night, and you were concerned you'd get "way too anxious."
IMO, the best thing you could have done was go to the formal and Accept that you'd feel anxiety. You should have let anxiety wash all over you. Let it wear you out. Let your shoulders droop, and let the beast have its mental way with you.
Why? Because you'd wouldn't be giving your damaged brain a reason to react negatively.
Now imagine properly Accepting anxiety again, and again. You'd feel terrible while it's happening, but something good would be happening too. Your brain will start to react better to life's issues.
There's that word again -- REACT.
If you go back through this post you'll see it over and over. Your road to recovery will begin when your brain starts to react properly. Medication, Therapy, Attitude/Hope, and Acceptance are the ingredients to get you to that point, IMO.
Good luck to you.
 
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StillDepressed

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 28, 2021
Messages
452
Location
UK
What is wrong with you? – I think you have worked out that you are depressed and I’m sorry you are experiencing this.



I’ve read your post and can relate, I was very similar when I went to University. So, most importantly things can get better. Personally I have a long term mental health condition, but yours might be more temporary. The first thing you have to do is contact your Doctor and begin to getting support via medication and therapy, I realise this seems impossible right now, but it is not and it is very important.



Don’t worry about your Uni work at the moment, you are in you first year and you can start again. My first 2 Uni tries were unsuccessful due to my depression and anxiety so I am now doing my course via Open University so there are options, but if you can’t catch up this year you can ask to defer for a year. Are you living at home? If not would it be better to move back home for a year.



Although I didn’t have lockdown to cope with whilst at Uni, I did not leave the house for 10 months after dropping out the 2nd time (January to October) and this worsens any social anxiety you have. Even once the medication kicks in, you are going to have to force yourself out as you suggested once out it isn’t as bad, it’s just getting yourself out.



First step is to contact your Doctor and remember it will get better, but as Skan above says you have to be ready and want to start your recovery.
 
C

celticlass

Well-known member
Joined
May 7, 2011
Messages
1,112
Location
Scotland
depressed_person18 -- your post is heartbreaking to me. I was never in as tough shape as you, but I could have been.
I believe your depression/anxiety levels are severe. They are not going to improve on their own, or by trying to "avoid my anxiety."
You have to deal with it. Simple as.
The how-to is the hard part, unfortunately.
I believe your brain is physically damaged. It wasn't previously.
Your post suggested you were enjoying a happy life. Friends. Activities. Etc. You can get back to those days. Believe me.
Here are the things you'll need to get on the road to recovery, IMO.
1. Medication. Some will scoff, but the proper medication can level you off to the point that you can start to train your brain to react to life's issues better.
2. Therapy. Talking about your issues with a trained professional, or a group of fellow sufferers can be incredibly helpful, if you embrace it.
3. Attitude & Hope. You have to want to recover. It's easy to give up and quit. Recovering is harder.
4. Acceptance. This is the big one as far I'm concerned. From your post I think you've already accepted that you're having mental problems. That's a decent first step. Next up is accepting all the little/big issues that come up each day, each hour, each minute.
Here's an example of how to ACCEPT.
You wrote of skipping a Formal from your school days. I'm going to guess you felt miserable that night, and you were concerned you'd get "way too anxious."
IMO, the best thing you could have done was go to the formal and Accept that you'd feel anxiety. You should have let anxiety wash all over you. Let it wear you out. Let your shoulders droop, and let the beast have its mental way with you.
Why? Because you'd wouldn't be giving your damaged brain a reason to react negatively.
Now imagine properly Accepting anxiety again, and again. You'd feel terrible while it's happening, but something good would be happening too. Your brain will start to react better to life's issues.
There's that word again -- REACT.
If you go back through this post you'll see it over and over. Your road to recovery will begin when your brain starts to react properly. Medication, Therapy, Attitude/Hope, and Acceptance are the ingredients to get you to that point, IMO.
Good luck to you.
I am not sure about advising someone their brain is damaged tbh. This is not likely to be the case in someone is in the relatively early stages of anxiety and depression. The brain is certainly misfiring and producing insufficient feel good fuel, but this is slightly different to saying it is physically damaged. I do agree that the OP sounds anxious and depressed, I really do. We cannot and should not diagnose though. So the OP needs to make contact with a doctor. I would suggest, if facing a phone call is traumatizing and there is nobody to support, write a letter to your Doctor describing your symptoms. Please take some action asap in order that you can begin to feel.better.
 
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skan3915

Member
Joined
Jan 31, 2021
Messages
22
Location
Pennsylvania
celticlass -- damage might be too strong a word.
However, something has happened to the OP's brain. Something negative.
I will consider not using the word damage in future posts.
 
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