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Serious considerations about suicide

R

Rh2832

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Nov 7, 2018
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20
I don’t know how I feel anymore
Sometimes I feel happy and good with life. Today I had a bad day. I had a morning struggling with things I need to do, feeling like I wasn’t smart enough to write my essay, thinking what’s the point anyway? Feeling like my life is so dull and pointless and I add nothing for anyone or myself. Driving to work I was seriously thinking about killing myself as soon as I could successfully do so (when home alone for a long period). I felt like it was a good option. I got to work and something cheered me up a little, can’t remember what. Now I’m sat at work thinking, again, what is the point? I’m working and studying my final year for a career I don’t know for sure will happen and I have no back up if it doesn’t. I am single and am rubbish at meeting people. I have friends but they Are busy or far away and have their own lives. I don’t have fun anymore. I miss having really fun days where you just laugh and laugh. I feel like I am just a pain in the butt for people like my family who have to deal with me when I am frustrated or upset and I don’t want to tell them how bad things are. I know they would be hurt if I did this but I don’t want to be this negative person in everyone’s lives anymore.

when I feel good, I feel really good, content, happy,grateful for my life, I know I am lucky in a lot of ways.

but when I feel bad or stressed it’s really bad.
And at the moment I think of suicide daily. Even on good days it’s there at some point.
 
D

Deleted member 91323

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Hello Rh2832. You sound like you are feeling overwhelmed right now. You are dealing with a lot with your studies and depression. It can feel like it is too much. You being depressed does not make you a pain in the but. You cannot help feeling depressed. I think depression can be very isolating and lonely. It can make us feel we are alone in how we feel and that nobody cares. It sounds to me like your family care very much about you. We all care about you on here too. You are not alone.
 
Talina

Talina

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You seem to struggle with a lot of things and have people around you that cares. Depression can truly become crippling and can be hard to handle. You are balancing with a lot of things in life and maybe need to focus on things in your life that makes you happy and relaxed. Just to focus on health, are you in contact with a gp/ psychologist which can help you get through the depression.

When I feel overwhelmed I have my pets and I can do a few things that I know makes me feel a little better. It helps me handle the every day pressure and keep me level headed. It makes the depression a little bit easier to handle when I can get my mind off things and focus on something else.

You aren’t a bother to the people around you and they seem to really care about you. At least you aren’t alone and don’t hurt yourself.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Hi Rh2832,
Please get professional help, I'm sure your not a pain at all.

I hope these links might help.


If you’re thinking about suicide and are in immediate danger, please call your local emergency number (i.e. in the UK call 999, in the USA or Canada call 911, in Australia call 000 and in New Zealand call 111) or call the international emergency number of 112.

If you have been affected by the contents of this thread and would like to speak to someone about your feelings you can call one of the following helplines:

In the UK and Ireland, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123.
In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255.
In Canada, the Suicide Prevention Service on 1.833.456.4566.
In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14.
In New Zealand, the Need to Talk service is on 1737 or 080017371737.
Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org.
 
R

Rh2832

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I just can’t decide what I want to do. Do I want to end it all and give up? Or do I keep going and risk having a miserable life? It always seems to come back round to me feeling like this and thinking about suicide. But then there’s a good chance tomorrow I’ll wake up and be content and happy again which often happens? Why
 
D

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I do not think you can be certain life will always be this way. What if things were to change? You cannot predict the future. I think it is so positive that you have days you feel happy.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Hi Rh2832,
Please look to getting treatment, you are feeling low at the moment and need help.
Really suicide isn't the answer.
Life often improves, I'm sure your friends and family would care.
Hugs
 
R

Rh2832

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20
Hi Rh2832,
Please look to getting treatment, you are feeling low at the moment and need help.
Really suicide isn't the answer.
Life often improves, I'm sure your friends and family would care.
Hugs
who do I go to? I really don’t want family and friends to know I feel this low and I don’t want to go to a GP as I don’t feel they can do much. I’m already on antidepressants
 
D

Deleted member 91323

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You can go to A&E. They will support you and take your feelings into account.
 
R

Rh2832

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I don’t feel as bad now. Right now I feel kind of upset that I had those feelings so strongly on the car journey to work today. I don’t want to feel that low again. Things are going well I just can’t see that today. I have a new job which means financial security and I can save. I have a roof over my head, with my parents at 27 while I study and don’t work full time but it’s ok, I get on with them. I have a dog who gives me reason to get out for a walk. I exercise regularly now as I’m trying to get fit for my future career plans and lose a little weight - without getting obsessed like I have in the past. I have a few close friends and although not many live close to me I see the ones that do once a week usually and have a nice time and talk regularly with the others. I am ok. I am comparing myself too much to people on social media who are always doing fun things because they get paid to advertise stuff. My life is good. Really. I just need to stop comparing and ride out the bad days
 
D

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What wonderful and positive things you have listed. I personally think social media can make us feel very unhappy. It may be an idea to take a break from it. I am so happy to hear all the lovely things you have mentioned.
 
Talina

Talina

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Social media is just a fake reality often, what people post are the good things and also often a warp picture of real life.

You have listed good things and try to make time for yourself.
 
mischief

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Hi Rh2832

One thing which could be worth considering is that thoughts are temporary. They come and go, and in the future you are highly likely to think very differently.

Have you tried any talking therapies?

Here is a link you may find useful: Can I get free therapy or counselling?
 
D

DD040894

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Apr 30, 2015
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Hi :)
Just to say, it is no shame to tell someone you are not okay. It is okay not to be okay. It is perfectly normal. Don't pretend in front of family. Ask them if they can give you support.
If not, you need some psychological support. I somehow have the feeling in your case that just talking to psychologist could help you so much. It seems like you are overwhelmed.
And as bpd2020 said, take a break from social network. Looking at those people who are "happy" (it is often a farse) can make your confidence slip deeper. Please do not do any harm to yourself.

Shortly: Search for support(on forum, talking with good friends), go away from social media and start psychotherapy. Best of luck. :)
 
Tawny

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How long have you been taking your medication for?
 
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