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Serious case of the blues

topsyturvy

topsyturvy

Member
Joined
May 27, 2009
Messages
19
Location
UK
I'm in such a blue mood, and I can't seem to shake it. I've been sleeping a ridiculous amount, and yet I'm still falling asleep during the day (even at work!). My good friend of 8 years came to stay with me last week, and we ended up sleeping together. I don't really know why, neither of us fancies the other, I was just in the mood, and now I feel horribly ashamed. I don't know if I can be friends with him anymore. We used to share everything. What is also bothering me is although he slept with me, he kept making suggestive comments about my friend, which at the time I just brushed off and jokingly asked him if he wanted me to set him up with her. Now, and I'm not sure why, I'm really angry about this. Although I don't feel anything romantic for him, it pisses me off immensely. Possibly because I'm a little protective of him, and I know this particular female friend would use him and discard him.

I hate that I have so little self control. If we had never slept together, then none of this would have bothered me.

Last week I was feeling liberated by being young and single, and this week I feel imprisoned by it. I disgust myself and I can't bare to look in the mirror. I just keep thinking about all the slightly derogative comments people have made about me. It really horrifies me that mere acquaintances have told me that I'm not a nice person because of my aggressive behaviour. While last week, I had a very 'sod 'em!, I'm the bo****ks' attitude.

Also, I can't stand people talking to me. The smallest of sentences feels like there are finger nails grating on the inside on my skull, and I just want to scream at people to stop.

I just don't know what to do :(
 
intelgal

intelgal

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Mar 17, 2008
Messages
1,413
Location
Yorkshire
Hi TopsyTurvey,

Firstly :welcome: to the forum.. its a friendly place to be...


SOunds like you have a lot of turmoil with your emotion recently.. have you thought about maybe taking a little time out. Spending some quality time on you... even just an hour. Hotbath etc... Just to empty your head.. maybe writing down how you feel

What happened is not your fault.. have you tried talking to your friend?



Take care and keep posting

Intel
 
topsyturvy

topsyturvy

Member
Joined
May 27, 2009
Messages
19
Location
UK
Hi TopsyTurvey,

Firstly :welcome: to the forum.. its a friendly place to be...


SOunds like you have a lot of turmoil with your emotion recently.. have you thought about maybe taking a little time out. Spending some quality time on you... even just an hour. Hotbath etc... Just to empty your head.. maybe writing down how you feel

What happened is not your fault.. have you tried talking to your friend?



Take care and keep posting

Intel
Thank you for the warm welcome.

Unfortunately having time to think generally makes things worse for me. I analyse every word, gesture and tone. I seem incapable of switching off.
I have been relaxing in bed for most of the day. I lack the energy to do much else. For days now I've felt like I'd been hit by a truck.

I did try and talk to my friend. He however caring, is a polar opposite to me. While I'm completely wired, and incapable of settling until a problem is solved, he keeps everything below the surface, and his response to my dilemma was slighty apathetic. His response thereby adding to my paranoia and anxiety.

I hate being the way I am. I do ridiculous things when I'm high as kite and then have to deal with the consequences when I fall down to earth again :( I wish I had the excuse of drink or drugs, but I don't...
 
topsyturvy

topsyturvy

Member
Joined
May 27, 2009
Messages
19
Location
UK
Today is a bad day. I text my friend and tried to explain how I feel, and to my dismay he responded by saying we should take some time to think about whether we can salvage our friendship, in what seemed like a very dismissive fashion. I really need him right now as I feel so totally alone, and he is the only one who has ever bothered to try and listen and understand the way I feel. I've alienated another friend. This seems to be a past-time for me. I make friends ridiculously easily when I'm high, and then I do all I can to make them hate me as much as I hate myself when I'm down. Is this true of anyone else here?

I've done something really stupid this morning. I couldn't turn off my feelings and I couldn't stand not being able to switch off, so I've taken a sleeve of co-dydramol. I'm not trying to kill myself. It just makes me feel numb, and that is what I need to feel right now. My mother has disposed of my knives, which would have been my first choice of release, as much as I hate to admit it. I have to go to work in a couple of hours, and I'm dreading it.
 
keepsafe

keepsafe

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 15, 2008
Messages
13,623
Hello Topsy

I am sorry you are having such a rough time - please take care, when did you take the tablets - you should really get down to A&E - how many did you take?

It would be am idea maybe to see the g.p and see if they can do anything for you like trying to manage your "highs" and "lows" - I do know what you mean about not being able to stand people talking - not even a sentence - my head gets too crowded too and I get very agitated when I am like this.

Please take care and if you want a chat I am here just now

KS
:hug:
 
topsyturvy

topsyturvy

Member
Joined
May 27, 2009
Messages
19
Location
UK
Hello Topsy

I am sorry you are having such a rough time - please take care, when did you take the tablets - you should really get down to A&E - how many did you take?

It would be am idea maybe to see the g.p and see if they can do anything for you like trying to manage your "highs" and "lows" - I do know what you mean about not being able to stand people talking - not even a sentence - my head gets too crowded too and I get very agitated when I am like this.

Please take care and if you want a chat I am here just now

KS
:hug:
I'll be okay, but thank you for your concern. I believe I've taken 10 500mg Co-dydramol tablets over the last hour or so, which isn't anywhere near a lethal dose, but it just makes everything a bit hazy and makes me feel numb. What concerns me is I'm tempted to take more, as I just want to block everything out. I've taken nearly double that and been taken to A & E, and they just told me to sleep it off, so I'm sure I'll be fine.

My G.P. is a bit useless. When ever I've been to see them before, they've just given me a verbal tap on the back and told me to keep my chin up till my next pdoc appointment. I have an appointment on the 4th with the pdoc, which seems like an eternity away.

I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one that gets agitated by people talking to them, when there head feels crowded :) It makes me feel like not so much of a crazy person.
 
keepsafe

keepsafe

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 15, 2008
Messages
13,623
Good well we might both be "crazy" - only joking, well I think!
Hope it goes well with the pdoc - your g.p doesn;t sound that helpful - perhaps you could see another one?

Take it easy
KS
 
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