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Separation Anxiety?

louieann

louieann

Active member
Joined
Dec 15, 2021
Messages
39
Location
Iowa
I used to be very independent as a child . But when I was 15 things really changed. Since losing my (mother's mother) grandma, I started getting nervous about my mother. Then we lost her Youngest brother to ALS, then in '19 we lost her brother to Esophagus cancer. He was amazing and I always thought of him as Mister Rogers. Total sweetheart.

But since all these passings, I've been always wanting to be with my mom, I live at home and even though she works full time and I work part time, I still get severe anxiety when I'm not around her. Before I learned to drive, she took me to work and I would lose it when I say her drive away. I am 25 years old and since I now drive it's easier to walk in and not be in tears. (About 75 percent of the time when she drove me to work I would cry and couldn't tell her why, so she was annoyed.)

We have a great mother/daughter relationship, but we fight sometimes I think because I am so dependent. I told her once when I wasn't going to work (I missed two shifts+ going home two hours into a shift) about how I was scared losing her and she hugged me and told me I didn't have to go to work. But I told her I had to, I was an adult and even though it was a hard drive I made it in, and worked.

Anyone have separation Anxiety like this? I feel it's getting worse. (She's 61 and I hate that so much.)

If I could, I'd go before her, I can't think of losing her. It's borderline obsessive behavior that I never had as a child. I kind of fear about being like Norman Bates. (Psycho, in case anyone doesn't know the reference) I talk to my Therapist about this time and time again, she told me (after hearing this same problem for months/years now) that there isn't anything I can do to stop time, and I should try and be in the moment. (She's a great therapist, I just think she's tired of hearing the same thing and me not improving but getting worse)

My mother is healthy and has Hypochondria. So when she gets even a little sick she thinks it's a death sentence and goes to the doctor. Shes always fine, but I try to take care of her the best I can. I don't get like this with my dad, just her. I love my dad but my mother is the best person I have which is scary to me. Shes never abused me as a kid, and in fact when I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and anxiety she coddled me which I partially blame for this.
 
A

Aurelius

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 14, 2018
Messages
848
What you seem to be describing is a very deep emotional bond with your mother (and members of your family that you have sadly already lost) which has resulted in your apprehension about losing your mother. You should not think of this as being in any way abnormal, the depth of feeling you have (and both seem to share) is very, very precious. From time to time the fears about losing your mother have interfered with aspects of your daily functioning, but you and your mother found ways of resolving the issues so you could get on with your daily life.

Like almost everyone who has a very deep emotional bond, you have a natural and just as deep fear about loss. Sadly, apart from knowing you will almost definitely feel profound pain and distress, you will not know for sure in advance how you will cope or what unforeseeable challenges there might be. This is probably part of the reason why your therapist advises you to 'try and be in the moment'. The other part of the reason is probably because in worrying about the future loss of attachment, you might miss out on and not make the most of your relationship with your mother in the 'here and now' and all the positive moments, opportunities and experiences that can be shared between you.

From what you say, I think your mother deals with her health anxieties in a really adaptive and appropriate way. You should be proud of the courage you both show in meeting the challenges of your respective anxieties!!

I hope you and your parents enjoy a very happy Christmas together.
 
O

Orangeade

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 23, 2021
Messages
1,739
Location
England
Hello,
I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this. Its must be difficult losing so many family members. This shows the deep love you have for your mother and your anxiety shows that you feel like you cant live without her. The fact that you’re very close, must make this unbearable. I am here for you, if you would like to chat. Sending you love and calmness
 
louieann

louieann

Active member
Joined
Dec 15, 2021
Messages
39
Location
Iowa
What you seem to be describing is a very deep emotional bond with your mother (and members of your family that you have sadly already lost) which has resulted in your apprehension about losing your mother. You should not think of this as being in any way abnormal, the depth of feeling you have (and both seem to share) is very, very precious. From time to time the fears about losing your mother have interfered with aspects of your daily functioning, but you and your mother found ways of resolving the issues so you could get on with your daily life.

Like almost everyone who has a very deep emotional bond, you have a natural and just as deep fear about loss. Sadly, apart from knowing you will almost definitely feel profound pain and distress, you will not know for sure in advance how you will cope or what unforeseeable challenges there might be. This is probably part of the reason why your therapist advises you to 'try and be in the moment'. The other part of the reason is probably because in worrying about the future loss of attachment, you might miss out on and not make the most of your relationship with your mother in the 'here and now' and all the positive moments, opportunities and experiences that can be shared between you.

From what you say, I think your mother deals with her health anxieties in a really adaptive and appropriate way. You should be proud of the courage you both show in meeting the challenges of your respective anxieties!!

I hope you and your parents enjoy a very happy Christmas together.
Thank you! We are very close, and I am thankful. I read some of the posts here and I wish everyone had a close, great relationship with their mother. It breaks my heart that their are abusive mothers out there. I wish everyone had my family dynamic, I just get heart broken when I hear someone say they hate their mother or the mother is a terrible person. I cry and hope everyone can forgive and be better. Have a merry Christmas!
 
louieann

louieann

Active member
Joined
Dec 15, 2021
Messages
39
Location
Iowa
Hello,
I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this. Its must be difficult losing so many family members. This shows the deep love you have for your mother and your anxiety shows that you feel like you cant live without her. The fact that you’re very close, must make this unbearable. I am here for you, if you would like to chat. Sending you love and calmness
Thanks, it was really hard for her. I didn't go to the funeral because I wanted her to grieve with her siblings without me needing something. They forgave me about that.
I wish everyone would get to have a great mother/child bond. We fight because of our close we are but I know she loves me. I wish every person goes to bed knowing their parent/s love them unconditionally. I know parents will disown a child for some reason, but I wish everyone would know the rules with kids. Love them unconditionally, I hope we can become better people, and give our kids (if you want to have kids, if not replace kids with friends or pets or loved ones) the best life and love we can.
 
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