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sensei

Enpi

Enpi

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Joined
May 16, 2009
Messages
83
Location
I.R.Iran
Hello guys. Well this thread is about my most complicated friendship/relationship. I go to a karate club. About two years ago I was totally f***ed up and needed someone to talk to about my emotional problems. By then I knew that my sensei (karate teacher) could be a good confidante so I trusted her and she's been brilliant so far. She's always been there for me when I needed her. She has listened to my problems and helped me cope. But now I've noticed that I've become too attached to her. It's like I can't live without her. I know I'll go back to what I was two years ago if she suddenly decides to walk out of my life. I've told her about this and now it's like she keeps pushing me away. I know she's doing this only because she wants me to be able to cope without her, but it's still painful. I also had a suicide attempt last saturday which really upset her, because I had promised her I'd never do this again and now she's acting like there's never been anything between us outside class. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. I want to talk to her but I'm too ashamed to do so :(
 
A

Ainsworth

Guest
i use to talk to mine also, it was a non judgement thing i experience from her, she was always willing to help so also had the attachment, the karate was also the other thing that kept me focused in my belief of what i was practicing but it was me who pulled away from her (for a number or reasons) the biggest one was i actually found out she was human and prone to mistakes, which i didnt think she could of been as had her on a high pedestal, my own doing. not hers.

BTW enpi kata is one of my favorites :)
 
trombone_babe

trombone_babe

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Joined
Jul 15, 2009
Messages
1,191
Location
Kent
Hi, I've also had this attachment thing, over and over again. It's explained more in my thread 'Losing Friends'. I feel for you cos this is just the sort of thing I'm experiencing at the moment, tho I must say I'm not suicidal or anything. Have you been to the doctor about how you are feeling? Maybe you could get some sort of talking therapy or medication to help you through.

Hang on in there, and I hope you feel you can talk to us on here. :grouphug:
 
Enpi

Enpi

Well-known member
Joined
May 16, 2009
Messages
83
Location
I.R.Iran
Hi again. Thank you both for the replies. I managed to talk to her at last and the problem was at least partly solved. :)
 
Enpi

Enpi

Well-known member
Joined
May 16, 2009
Messages
83
Location
I.R.Iran
And now it's like the whole thing has been a sweet dream which I have to wake up from! Today she told me that I am not to talk to her about my problems any more. I'm still kind of shocked. I can remember that day months ago when she said I could call whenever I wanted. Now she says if I talk to her about anything other than karate I have to change my club :(:unsure:
 
J

just.me

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 30, 2009
Messages
59
She feels you let yourself down, and her down.

Sometimes those close to us cannot cope, it is not easy being a close friend to someone who is depressed. Sometimes the other party has problems of their own to deal with, and heaping ours on them makes it worse, they have to be able to put us to one side and cope with their own things.

Tis hard, but you need to widen your circle of close friends as best you can.

Depression is a selfish illness, we don't mean to but we do become self-absorbed and it is all about us. We don't mean to but we do.

Sometimes those closest to us need a breather - they need to be able to talk to.
 
S

*Sapphire*

Guest
Hi Enpi

I know when I made suicide attempts alot of people I knew left my life.

People find suicide attempts very hard to deal with for many reasons, but the most I have heard is that they were ...

1) hurt and didn't want to risk being hurt like that again. 2) Felt like they were somehow to blame even if they weren't 3) Felt that they could have done more even if they couldn't which left them feeling frustrated 4) The trust had gone and they can't be friends with someone who doesn't care enough about their feelings to not do something that would really hurt them.

As your sensei is into Karate there may be another reason that they are being like this, and that is tough love. Perhaps they are trying to be caring by being firm and keeping some boundaries.

Perhaps she also thinks that as she previously gave you some understanding and a friendly ear that as you took an overdose afterwards anyway she thought that that approach didn't work with you to help keep you safe so she is trying another.

I personally wouldn't take her approach as a rejection, perhaps she is trying to approach the situation a different way with you to try and protect her own feelings as well as yours.
 
Enpi

Enpi

Well-known member
Joined
May 16, 2009
Messages
83
Location
I.R.Iran
Hello again. I've been away for a while. I only just saw these last two replies. Thank you both. You've explained things pretty well. Now I can understand her better.
 
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