Self Sabottage?

[petal]

Hey everyone,

I just wanted to ask does anyone else feel like sometimes they're sabbotaging their own happiness?
Just a ponder, but I've had an interview this week, and have another job interview next week, so it's finally starting to look like I might be able to get away from my idiot of a boss... Things haven't been bad with my boyfriend either this week, but there's always this nagging thought at the back of my mind telling me that something's going to go wrong soon.

Maybe it's just that I'm so used to feeling down, but I can't help feeling guilty about being a bit happier. Does that make sense?
Any good techniques to stop feeling bad about feeling good?

 

[Dollit]

Reminds me of a line in a song - My life ain't never been up, then I'm used to it down - sometimes we get used to the downside of life we forget the feeling of the upside. If you've had a long period of things not being right then I think it's almost natural to expect things to fail.

Remind yourself that this is what you've been aiming at. Success is nothing to be afraid of, it's actually what you deserve. I always feel a bit of a prat practising affirmations but they work for some people. Stand in front of the mirror on a morning and tell yourself you're a hard working woman who deserves the success she's just about to get.

And keep posting here of course and we'll support you.

 

[Mistaken Identity]

hey there,
I can really identify with what you are saying *cuddles you* however I think it is a massive positive that you can actually see the good things in your life and recognise that things are improving. That's a lot harder that it sounds

Where adjusting to being happier etc is concerned, I found that getting hold of a a big A3 piece of paper and a marker pen, and writing down the positive things in life, lines from positive songs you like and facts like 'I do deserve to be happy', then putting it up somewhere prominent really helps.

take care, i'm only a pm away if you ever need a chat,
katy
xxx

 

[petal]

Just proves a point...

So I thought things were looking up - have even been able to have a laugh and a joke at work today despite everything, including the weather, telling me to be miserable... Until I check my emails and find out I didn't get the job that I tried really hard for.
It just feels like I'm going to be stuck in this rut forever.
I'm going to the doctors tomorrow, definitely going to remember, so hopefully she'll have something useful to say rather than just sticking me on meds and telling me to keep my chin up...

I can't help thinking that I've somehow ruined my own life, but I'm not sure how, when or why...
Thanks for all your support though.

 

[dunglen]

good luck going to see your GP tomorrow.

Sometimes it helps to write things down before you go so that you don't forget something

 

[Dollit]

You're not going to be stuck in a rut forever. You haven't ruined your life - honestly. When I first got my diagnosis I thought my life was over and I was in my mid 30s. The possibility of doing my degree has been raised and discounted and a return to work is not on the cards but I am doing the most meaningful stuff that you could possibly imagine. I do things in the course of voluntary work that has a big impact on things. I've been quoted in the media more times than I can remember (and on several, diverse issues) and people listen when I talk. Not bad for a little old lady in her late 40's! It's never too late - believe that, life doesn't stop until you do.

 

[petal]

Seeing the doctor

Went to see the doctor today, was first thing thismorning before work so I couldn't forget. She remembered me from the last time I went which helped, and asked me to do the questionnaire which I've seen a lot of people talking about on here. Apparently I score high for anxiety, so that's not great. She didn't offer to put me on medication which was a help, and asked if taking time off work would help, but I really don't think it'd be that great for everyone at work to know how c**p things are for me at the moment. She is referring me to a counsellor though.

I have another job interview tomorrow but no idea what I did wrong the last time so don't know what to do to improve. Maybe I do give the wrong message across, I just find it really hard to be confident when I know how much of my mood is relying on this.

Can I honestly try and convince myself that I'm positive, proactive and confident? Because I don't feel that way. I'm just doubting everything at the moment...

 

[Dollit]

I've run businesses (both for myself and other people) and if I turned down someone for a job and they rang and asked me why I tried to tell them in a helpful way why I hadn't felt they were right for the job. Some people were over qualified, some people I just didn't think would fit into the team, some people I didn't like (diplomat of the year for that one). There's lots of reasons why you don't choose someone for a job. But ask - email if you don't feel you can ring.

 

[petal]

My job interview went ok on Weds, and I'm feeling a bit better over the last couple of days, apart from the other day I started crying when I got home from work as I got soaked by the rain and wind and nearly broke my pretty umbrella... Got in and there was a letter from the water company on the mat... thought it was a water bill and just cried for an hour until my boyfriend got home and opened the letter... they were just trying to sell us a maintennance scheme!!

How silly!

 

[Dollit]

Glad you got a decent interview. I often won't open letters because I'm convinced it's bad news and once it was a cheque!