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Self Sabotaging Relationships

M

Mouse11

Member
Joined
Nov 30, 2019
Messages
10
Location
CO
Hi everyone, I'm new here. I am curious if my self sabotaging of relationships is part of my BPD or something else? I finally found someone who I thought was "the one" and was ready to go "all in" and then out of no where I feel like I'm pulling away and uninterested. I don't remember anything triggering it. I would say I don't care if things end at this point except I vaguely remember how excited and different it felt in the beginning and wondering what changed. Is this normal? Is this something therapy can fix? I'm lost and don't have an appointment for another few weeks. Thanks!
 
Lunus

Lunus

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
1,064
Location
Norfolk
Hi everyone, I'm new here. I am curious if my self sabotaging of relationships is part of my BPD or something else? I finally found someone who I thought was "the one" and was ready to go "all in" and then out of no where I feel like I'm pulling away and uninterested. I don't remember anything triggering it. I would say I don't care if things end at this point except I vaguely remember how excited and different it felt in the beginning and wondering what changed. Is this normal? Is this something therapy can fix? I'm lost and don't have an appointment for another few weeks. Thanks!
Classic BPD I’m afraid, all linked to negative core beliefs such as I’m unloveable, I’m not worthy and I don’t matter. Sometimes also linked to fears about abandonment.
Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) is what will help you. If you don’t want to wait to see a psychologist there are many self help books. If you look through my previous posts you’ll see a couple that I highly recommend.
 
M

Mouse11

Member
Joined
Nov 30, 2019
Messages
10
Location
CO
Well, at least there’s an answer for why I do it because I’ve always wondered. I will take a look at what you recommend and make a list - thank you.
 
M

Mouse11

Member
Joined
Nov 30, 2019
Messages
10
Location
CO
Classic BPD I’m afraid, all linked to negative core beliefs such as I’m unloveable, I’m not worthy and I don’t matter. Sometimes also linked to fears about abandonment.
Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) is what will help you. If you don’t want to wait to see a psychologist there are many self help books. If you look through my previous posts you’ll see a couple that I highly recommend.
Thanks again (just realized I replied to myself and not you in my last response - just downloaded the ebook). A question though, would DBT and mindfulness fix this even if I don’t understand or recognize I’m doing it or why?
 
Lunus

Lunus

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
1,064
Location
Norfolk
Thanks again (just realized I replied to myself and not you in my last response - just downloaded the ebook). A question though, would DBT and mindfulness fix this even if I don’t understand or recognize I’m doing it or why?
Yes DBT would ‘fix’ this. As you go through the various modules things that are in your subconscious will come to the fore and you will gain a better understanding of why you think, feel and act as you do. Furthermore, Mindfulness will slow you down such that you have time to think BEFORE you act in any self destructive coping mechanism. Always be aware you are only acting the way you do as your brain thinks it will give you short term relief from emotional pain. But this is the BPD side of you and these actions as you will know will only end up increasing your suffering.
Good luck. Keep in touch.
 
M

Mouse11

Member
Joined
Nov 30, 2019
Messages
10
Location
CO
Yes DBT would ‘fix’ this. As you go through the various modules things that are in your subconscious will come to the fore and you will gain a better understanding of why you think, feel and act as you do. Furthermore, Mindfulness will slow you down such that you have time to think BEFORE you act in any self destructive coping mechanism. Always be aware you are only acting the way you do as your brain thinks it will give you short term relief from emotional pain. But this is the BPD side of you and these actions as you will know will only end up increasing your suffering.
Good luck. Keep in touch.
Thanks again! Any chance it would also fix my disinterest in sex after the first time? I’m somehow assuming it’s linked since that’s an intimate act. But it feels like a chore and I end up dreading it and pretending so they don’t feel hurt... which is also probably wrong but I try to hide that I don’t care and don’t enjoy it because that doesn’t seem normal.
 
Lunus

Lunus

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
1,064
Location
Norfolk
Thanks again! Any chance it would also fix my disinterest in sex after the first time? I’m somehow assuming it’s linked since that’s an intimate act. But it feels like a chore and I end up dreading it and pretending so they don’t feel hurt... which is also probably wrong but I try to hide that I don’t care and don’t enjoy it because that doesn’t seem normal.
You’ll be pleased to know it should. It as only because at the moment you are afraid of your emotions and you therefore detach from situations. If you embrace the therapy you will have a far happier and peaceful life.
 
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