• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

Self medication and drug binges.

E

Eric

Member
Joined
Oct 8, 2008
Messages
8
Location
South Africa
HI all,

I have Bipolar II disorder and was diagnosed about 4 years ago. I have been on and off cocaine since 2002, and have been clean for 2 months this time round. My point is that my cycle seems to trigger a mania that sets me on a binge. I'll stay clean for a month, and as It nears the end of the month, I have dreams about scoring, and finding coke. I really don't want to do it, and have been doing really well avoiding the "pangs", but it's though my sub-conscious needs to inform me it's "that time" again.
I have handed over access to my finances and bank accounts to my girlfriend, so I can't just give in to the urge, but these dreams drive me nuts!!.
I have also done drugs and alcohol to help me feel better in a depression, which really defeats the point of taking my prescribed meds, but I find the quick fix a help, only to crash and burn when the feeling wears off.
I realize that self medicating only adds to this problem and I need to stop it once and for all. I've been to N.A. which worked for a time, but I need to do this on my own, and believe, and act on the goal of being clean.
If anyone else has experienced anything similar, it would be great to get your views, opinions, and advice on the subject.
 
A

Apotheosis

Guest
If anyone else has experienced anything similar, it would be great to get your views, opinions, and advice on the subject.
I was in active addiction for 17 years, to the gates of insanity & death as they say. I know people who have got & stayed clean through other means, NA is not the only way; but it does appear to be about the easiest. I couldn't get or stay clean without them. All they promise is freedom from active addiction, I've been 7 years now on this path, there was a slight relapse, I'm around 18 months clean again. It does work, & it has got easier the longer I have tried it. Of course I still have problems in my life - that's life, but I'm very grateful to not be living how I was.

I used a lot of coke, daily for a good few years among other drugs. When I stopped it I substituted other drugs, & when coke was there, not much stopped me taking it. Getting clean I found that the drug use is a symptom of something deeper, & not the cause. I would have taken anything to change the way I felt & alter my view of reality. That is the touchstone - as addicts we want to alter the way we feel, the way we are, the way we see things. Being in recovery I have got to a place & am on a path where I am happy in my own skin, if I don't like something, then instead of trying to change my perception of it, then either I will try to accept that thing or do my best to change (my) reality.
 
Last edited:
emski

emski

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 15, 2008
Messages
1,151
Location
North West
Hi Eric!

I've used drink & drugs too the past to control my moods, before I was diagnosed bipolar II. I used to use mostly coke and mdma, to prolong my hypomania and mania, which would of course send me worse so I had to have more. I used to use pills to come out of depression. When it all got to much and i needed sleep cuz I'd been up for days, whether from mania highs or drug highs, I'd smoke pot and drink, but even then it didn't make me sleep. I never did any of this sort of stuff before I got ill and started to medicate myself in this way.

Since diagnosis I've stopped all illicit substances. Cocaine massively enhances dopamine production in the brain, so depending what meds you're on it can cause chaos with your meds not working properly or too much.

I agree with what Apotheosis says, drug use is the symptom of something deeper, and maybe in your case is the disorder that drives you to drugs to change the way you feel. That's how it was for me. I still miss being able to take my pain away by popping a few pills, but facing up to issues is the way to do it.

Maybe if you're not going to NA, make sure your psych. knows and have some sort of counselling, maybe 1:1

Good luck Eric, keep us posted on how it's going(y)
 
Last edited:
E

Eric

Member
Joined
Oct 8, 2008
Messages
8
Location
South Africa
Thanks folks for the replies and good advice,

Emski, I STILL smoke pot and drink, although I've cut my drinking down to a minimal. I find it easier to focus when I'm stoned,because life slows down to an acceptable speed for me, and I don't get into such a temper about things the way I do sometimes when I'm sober. I know that I'm actually just making excuses and I should stop everything, but that's a bit difficult when you're trying to find the meaning of life!!:flowers:
My main focus is to stay off the coke, which I'm managing to do. I speak to my shrink about it, and I have a program in place to help me there, It's obviously just the psychological issue that sometimes poses a problem.

I guess like they say, "one day at a time", and Live for today, because yesterday is already a dream, and tomorrow is only a vision.(y)
 
spiritual_emergency

spiritual_emergency

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 15, 2008
Messages
186
I try to bear in mind that drugs are drugs and medication is medication. In other words, I'm not going to assume that the drug your doctor gives you is of intrinsically more worth than the drugs you can secure on your own. Many people self-medicate with street or prescription drugs. Sometimes, self-medication goes far beyond that into behavior. Then, we see people medicating with food, exercise, sex, shopping, risk-taking, etc. Not infrequently, we also see those same behaviors or coping strategies slipping into addiction. This risk is slightly less that this will happen with prescribed medications because some form of monitoring is in place. Still... it happens.

With any form of medication, the crucial aspect to consider is: Is this helping? Is it assisting me in moving forward, or is it holding me back in some manner and restricting how well I can move forward?

Should you identify the "medication" as a hindrance, it still serves a purpose because it pinpoints an area where you need to focus your attention. I'm very much in agreement with Apothoesis' comments that addiction is fueled by something deeper -- perhaps a sense of lack or inadequacy, maybe an old wound, something. If you can find an alternate means of addressing those needs without relying on the bandaid offered by the addiction, you undermine it. I think it's best to try and get these supports in place before you try to end the addiction. That way, you have something to lean on during the withdrawal process.

Eric: I know that I'm actually just making excuses and I should stop everything, but that's a bit difficult when you're trying to find the meaning of life!!

Some drug-free approaches you could consider to help you in your search would be meditation, contemplation or philosophical studies. Whether or not you lean more towards a spiritual, philosophical or religious approach will vary by individual, but certainly, those are paths that people have traditionally followed when trying to determine the "meaning of life". I would go so far as to say that going down that path is an essential component of recovery although it too, can become a form of self-medication. Whatever the substance, addiction is always a risk.

~ Namaste


.​
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
D Self medication Bipolar Forum 6
kosmonaut I've had enough! crash and burn with self medication... where's me credit card!!!! Bipolar Forum 2
bobshocker self medication Bipolar Forum 8
D Self doubt Bipolar Forum 22
M What do I really want from myself? What is my ideal self that I can strive for? Bipolar Forum 1
M What is ONE thing you did that helped your self esteem? Bipolar Forum 18
dubblemonkey self destruct Bipolar Forum 7
letmein self hate Bipolar Forum 17
B Does anyone try to self manage bipolar? Bipolar Forum 29
I Having issues with self harm Bipolar Forum 8
Zardos Miracle Cure Or Self Healing ? What's Happening To Me ? Bipolar Forum 36
N Self harm - relapsed Bipolar Forum 24
D I have methods of self harm Bipolar Forum 7
D Self-doubt about episodes... Bipolar Forum 1
ScreamingMime How Do You Curb Your Self Destructive Behaviors? Bipolar Forum 22
W DBT resources for self-guided therapy Bipolar Forum 2
K Self sabotage Bipolar Forum 1
T Self harm urges Bipolar Forum 2
C Quetiapine low dose causing anger and self-harm? Bipolar Forum 1
L Self sabotaging Bipolar Forum 1
B Is self destructive-ness common among us? Bipolar Forum 5
letmein self hate... Bipolar Forum 1
letmein self hate... Bipolar Forum 3
V Manic-depression, self-harm and drug abuse Bipolar Forum 1
R Self-consciousness is driving me crazy Bipolar Forum 4
I What are your self help ideas for dealing with Bipolar Bipolar Forum 2
dubblemonkey accidental misunderstood mis-shapen self Bipolar Forum 1
V Anger - Bipolar 2 - Self Harm Bipolar Forum 1
dubblemonkey I know my ever self is involved in some-other unsympathetic event...! Bipolar Forum 2
M Bipolar Uk Self Help Group Bipolar Forum 1
K How much of it is self stigma? Bipolar Forum 6
E Any good self help books that have actually helped you? Bipolar Forum 15
F How far can you go in self-defence? Bipolar Forum 15
F Self-awareness Bipolar Forum 4
E Has anyone in the UK self admitted to psyche ward? Bipolar Forum 17
megirl self help stuff Bipolar Forum 3
S I think I may be a textbook Bipolar I (But I dont wanna self diagnose) Bipolar Forum 9
prairiechick Afraid I'm Going To Self-Harm Again Bipolar Forum 8
bobshocker Booze - Physical Dependancy or Self Medicating. Bipolar Forum 12
L Self Help Websites Bipolar Forum 1
velvetfeet Self medicating with food!! Bipolar Forum 1
E Write your OWN self help book Bipolar Forum 2
C Feeling self piteous Bipolar Forum 6
K What happened? to Will Self is probably bi-polar and everyone critiques the hell out of him thread? Bipolar Forum 14
C Cyclothymia / Self Harm Bipolar Forum 4
mrlaurel need help / advice self employment Bipolar Forum 1
mrlaurel is my self hate becoming self harm? Bipolar Forum 7
I Self-induced mania Bipolar Forum 6
N aids to self help. Bipolar Forum 2
C When does true self esteem develop Bipolar Forum 11

Similar threads

Top