• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

self help ??

sandybob

sandybob

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jan 12, 2008
Messages
558
Location
south east london
does it actually work?

The reason i ask is because so far this year i have joined this forum, started reading "cbt for dummies", bought a book on overcoming anxiety and a self esteem workbook:unsure:

and im feeling worse than i have for ages... I was busily plodding along and decided it was time to sort myself out , as it seems theres very little help from anywhere else :rolleyes:

only trouble is, i only have myself to guide me, and as im not very nice to myself, it doesnt help at all :cry:
 
D

Dollit

Guest
Sandybob I'd say you were trying to do too much at once. One thing at a time will get you there much faster than overwhelming yourself with half a dozen things. Keep on here and doing your posts and being a good and vital part of this community. Give yourself a month or so to feel that being here has become part of your routine then decide which one of the other issues you want to tackle and do that one at a time. Too much just destroys the soul. :hug: :tea:
 
sandybob

sandybob

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jan 12, 2008
Messages
558
Location
south east london
thanks dollit xx

I suddenly thought that this evening.. cos i've been trying to give up smoking as well ...

i've overwhelmed myself.

it's back to the "which bit first" dilemma :unsure:
 
M

Michael

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
2,364
Location
East Lancs
Too much

Strange how we want to treat Mental Health like we do with a cut - put a plaster on it, leave it and it will go away.
Looking back I suppose I have been lucky in that the people around me waited patiently for me to be ready for them.
Once we truly recognize that something is wrong, and we WANT to do something about it then we can do something.
It's true though when we do recognize it there usually is a lot of baggage that goes with it, so the sticking a plaster on (taking medication?) doesn't work on its own, it requires a package.
I agree (now) that you have to be selective on your approach, how the eck you can do that though when your mind is in turmoil is exceptionally difficult to say the least! But it is not unachievable.
So how can we make the package up, there is no one answer, everybodies needs are different, this is where help is needed, either by counselling (if you can find or be allocated one that understands) or by your nearest and dearest.
14 years of medication and occasional theraphy have brought me here to this point and I still have fall backs, in fact my mind aches with trying to remember how to counter negativity of any description whilst still remaining rational to the situation.
Regaining some semblance of balance in my thoughts.

Talked a lot and answered nothing! sorry but it is a very personal journey. The journey is made easier for me by being able to write about it, through this I become more and more accepting of myself.

So do you really accept you want/need help (both those words want and need are important)
Can you express yourself in anyway - privately or to another - I use Forums and treat them almost as private.
Where do you want to go - me - now I just want contentment, a few years ago I could not say that!

I don't consider myself there - or in fact I doubt whether I truly will ever really finish this journey, but I won't go down without trying!

Michael
 
mischief

mischief

Well-known member
Admin
Joined
Dec 9, 2007
Messages
13,316
Location
The World
does it actually work?

The reason i ask is because so far this year i have joined this forum, started reading "cbt for dummies", bought a book on overcoming anxiety and a self esteem workbook:unsure:

and im feeling worse than i have for ages... I was busily plodding along and decided it was time to sort myself out , as it seems theres very little help from anywhere else :rolleyes:

only trouble is, i only have myself to guide me, and as im not very nice to myself, it doesnt help at all :cry:
I suspect feeling worse than one has for ages is quite common when one starts to tackle ones issues. The very nature of tackling the issues means that you are hitting those issues head on and therefore they are likely to initially be more predominant. The good news is that once you are over that initial bump you will feel a lot better!
 
sandybob

sandybob

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Jan 12, 2008
Messages
558
Location
south east london
I suspect feeling worse than one has for ages is quite common when one starts to tackle ones issues. The very nature of tackling the issues means that you are hitting those issues head on and therefore they are likely to initially be more predominant. The good news is that once you are over that initial bump you will feel a lot better!

i do hope so mischief :flowers:
 
D

Dollit

Guest
I think Mischief is right. Often we go about telling ourselves that things aren't that bad and then we realise they are that bad and acknowledging that, plus the work we know it involves to make things better can be quite daunting. What you have to remember wonky donkey is that once you start to work you start to improve, therefore what can seem to be a big pile of stuff to do can often be made smaller just by inspecting it. My mum is always complaining that she has too much ironing to do. Well if she didn't do here underwear, her towels, her bedding, her nightwear, her tea towels, her dishcloths - you get the idea, then she wouldn't have quite such a big pile of ironing.

When you're looking at whatever area it is you want to tackle, pick out the bits that are just there, not part of the problem or not part of the solution and you'll have less to work on.

Believe me, I've been doing this all my life and as a coping mechanism it's good. And I'm not saying avoid working on areas that need working on of course, just be honest about what part things play in the problems. :hug:
 
M

Michael

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
2,364
Location
East Lancs
Dollit can you be my Mentor?

One area that I need help in is this, if you can see where improvement is required, and have the evidence to prove it, but management will not either do it or see it for whatever reason then how do you resolve the hurt that is within you and the self esteem you loose because of it?


When you're looking at whatever area it is you want to tackle, pick out the bits that are just there, not part of the problem or not part of the solution and you'll have less to work on.

The piece you wrote above highlights (I think) what I have to do, but (as yet) I do not seem able to break it down!

Your posts are very thought provoking, and have/are helping me. If you could write your anecdotal thoughts down into a book/let it must be a winner.

Michael
 
mischief

mischief

Well-known member
Admin
Joined
Dec 9, 2007
Messages
13,316
Location
The World
I think an important thing to do is celebrating our successes! We all often make important steps in our lives but don't acknowledge how well we are doing.
 
D

Dollit

Guest
I think you're right Mischief and sometimes we can't believe that we can get there. I had some fantastic mentors in my early days who just used to point of the obvious and leave me to work out the rest. I have spent a lot of time on the phone with a friend this past few days and talked a lot and he has talked a lot too. Me about the stuff that's being going on in my head and life and how confused it all felt and he about his work and his life and he drew some parrallels for me that enabled me to see the way through the wood. He says he did nothing but talk to me and let me work it all out for myself. I think when we help one another that's all we can do or aspire to do - what are mentors but friends who you can trust to help you go that extra mile?
 
D

davidc-k

Member
Founding Member
Joined
Jan 7, 2008
Messages
13
does it actually work?
Absolutely no doubt at all that is does work at the very least for some people for some of the time.

You could ask the same question about mental health services, psychiatry, hypnosis or highland dancing and the answer would be the same.

The key to self help is doing it in a structured way. Self-management, for example, offers a structured approach to identifying your own triggers and indicators and applying your own coping strategies and long term changes.

A trigger would be something that is likely to lead you towards crisis and could be anything from a full moon to too much cheese, to a meeting with a troublesome colleague or family member.

An indicator is a personal sign that you are moving towards crisis, for example, not sleeping, over sleeping, overspending.

A coping strategy would be an immediate intervention that helps to avert a crisis or stop it deepening, like taking a break, talking to a trusted friend or even taking or adjusting medication.

Long term changes would be things that you do to avoid triggers. That may involve moving towards or away from certain people, activities or similar significant life changes.

self-help is definitely not about working in isolation. good self help works best with peer support and taking advantages of any service you find useful.
 
Rorschach

Rorschach

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 19, 2007
Messages
1,149
Location
W2
All sound advice Sandy, so I won't add anymore other than to say you can always look forward to sharing on MHF and with the friends you have found here. Little acorns become great oaks....
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
M Self Help and Mental Health 3
D Self Help and Mental Health 2
Top