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Self Harming

E

ellabee

Active member
Joined
May 27, 2010
Messages
35
Location
England
I had to log in ive had such a bad day my partner picked up on my feelings and took the kids out but as soon as he left I started harming its getting worse and it frightens me but i cant stop doing it. the cuts are getting deeper and my forearm is a complete mess.

Im worried about when he comes home i know he'll be upset and dissapointed hes have a moan at me but i cant help it i fell so alone at the moment i dont have any friends in a similar position to me other than abusing prescription meds which is also getting worse.
my steeling habit is getting worse its like ive hit a self distruct button and i cant stop it now:scared::cry:
 
W

warriorprincess

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 14, 2010
Messages
1,306
Location
Cool St, Coolville
aw sweetheart I'm so sorry you're in that place at the moment. Who are you seeing at the moment? I'd recommend re evaluating your meds with your doc as it doesn't sound like they are doing you any good. I know you said you're abusing your meds - could this be why?

You are wrong about having no friends in a similar situation as I'm always here if you need to vent. I know friendship has to be worked on and achieved but think of me as a mate you can email your thoughts to, and I will listen and quite probably do the same when I need to vent.

I'm not gonna even start saying stop harming as only you can get the strength to do that, and I stopped 4 years ago but started doing it again recently, but for now I'm on no meds, so can't say i'm surprised the cycle picked up again.
But I'm also a mum, and I have another on the way so it distresses me that another mum is feeling this low. My daughter is 17 months and from when I fell pregnant I tried vowing to myself that I would never SH again, knowing one day that my child would want answers as to why my skin is scarred. It had worked all this time, but that's the nature of the game, we only have so much control I guess. One thing I'd say is try not to feel guilty on your partners behalf - he is there because he loves you. but I know how the guilt affects me all the time - it's vicious circle.

How much can you talk to your partner? He sounds good that he picked up on your feelings and took the kids out for a break for you, but sometimes I know even tho that's what I want - when they are gone, I'm left feeling hollow again, and have really had to make the effort to go out just to stop me sinking further into my pit. But i know it's all easier said than done. And I feel so misunderstood by any friends that I do manage to see, but every once in a while it can help me to believe there's a good life out there somewhere.

one other thing I found in the past more, and maybe now I'm coming on here - but writing down your feelings did help me a little It's an outlet maybe? BUut i don't mean to come across as 'write down your problems and they disappear' as it doesn't work like that. But i know when I really put my heart and soul into writing down my thoughts, I not only came out with some very beautiful stuff, it also just maybe distracted me enough and maybe dissipated the emotions. I need to get back into doing that its bee too long, but even coming on here and writing (as I am now) just helps a little, and I hope it does you too.

Have you ever been caught out stealing? Is it shops you steal from or are you talking personal things from people? I used to feel so clever - one day I did get caught and apart from a couple of minor indiscretions since, I think that was enough for me! I didn't wana risk a label for the future, however 'valid' my reasons may have been at the time. So if you haven't been caught yet, and you say it's getting out of hand, please think about that... I don't know what to suggest that will give you the same feeling as it, but come and talk to me if you want - I'm sure we could have a good giggle over some of the things we've done. sometimes that gets me through - when I feel that funny edge and I can just laugh about it all. Shame it wasn't all the time, but if you really want I'll make it my duty to tel you some funny stories if it'd help at all? sometimes laughter is the best medicine.

Sorry i don't want any of this to be misconstrued just trying to think what I'd do for a friend if they were me - I've probably got 2 people I can think of who i can tell all about my 'sillies' and they just seem to help me, but I know it's being at the right place. And they are never there when I could actually do with speaking to them - I wish they would say to me what I'm saying to you now I gguess...

Sorry i'm gona stopp there this is probably the last thing you need, but i do hope you feel better soon,
all the electronic hugs xxx
 

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