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Self Harmed again after some time

T

TheTibbers

New member
Joined
Jan 6, 2019
Messages
1
#1
Hello,
I should introduce myself first. I am a 20 year old male. I have depression, remarcably, among cases of anxiety and other disorders. Have been seeing a psychatrist for 2 years and a half, I went to therapy for 5 years, but stopped when I changed cities in the beggining of 2018.
I self harmed yesterday, quite badly in fact. I was clean for about a year, and my other bigger SH crisis was in August 2017. I had the urge to do it a few times in this period, but was able to control it. But not yesterday. I was a bit drunk, feeling like garbage. I commonly feel that I am a complete failure, due to my lack of success in various fields, including my social life, sex/love life, academic life, my difficulty to finish projects that I start. I also feel like a burden to my friends, and unworthy of the love and care received from my family. I self harmed mostly as a punishment for being who I am. But after I did it,I felt really ashamed, specially after my mom found out and was really sad and crying about it, even though she is supportive.
Thank you
 
K

kevinloveslena

New member
Joined
Aug 21, 2018
Messages
4
#3
Hello,

I am so sorry that you are going through this difficult time. It seems like you have not been able to identify the remarkable person that you are. Let me explain that before you read too much into it. You wrote, “I commonly feel that I am a complete failure, due to my lack of success in various fields…difficulty to finish projects that I start. I also feel like a burden to my friends, and unworthy of the love and care received from my family.” First, nobody is a complete failure at 20 years old. You just have not figured out what you are good at. For example, people who “struggle” to finish projects might be considered excellent multi-taskers. God doesn’t make junk. Next, one is never a burden on friends. True friends will be there for you no matter what. They may complain and grunt, but at the end of the day, if they are true friends, they will be there. Finally, if there is one group of people who will always love and care for you, it is your family.
I wish you the best and please know that I will be praying for you.

Blessings
 
B

BiggDaddy

New member
Joined
Jan 15, 2019
Messages
3
#4
I self harmed for the first time since 1995. My wife and I got into an argument which is something that is fairly normal for us. I got so mad that I threw her iPad at her hitting her chest. It was 100% my fault. I try to control my anger but it mostly controls me. I was ashamed at myself as I’m trying to be a better husband and father. I begged for forgiveness which it seems I am always doing this and she cried. I know that if we were financially stable she would leave me or kick me out. Anyway I sat in the recliner with my mind racing, embarrassment, and down right pished at myself and I self harmed on my arm. It didn’t hurt at all I was numb to the pain. It actually helped for a moment on the feelings I had in my mind. But they surfaced again very quickly. My wife saw me do it she stopped me doing it again. I know I need to see a professional but I can’t afford another bill.
 
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F

FeelBetterSoon

New member
Joined
Jan 22, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Philippines
#5
Hello TheTibbers,

I also started harming myself again after many years. My current life isn't exactly a healthy for my mental state. I'm not sure why I self-harm but I feel it when I can't cope with pain, loneliness and anger. I haven't had a psychologist but should have one.

Just last night I did it again while I'm drunk. I feel bad for myself now, I want to stop doing this to myself because I want to love myself more.

You're not alone with your feelings.
 
Hopeful313

Hopeful313

Active member
Joined
Jan 12, 2019
Messages
41
Location
Minnesota, USA
#6
Hi and welcome to the forum.

I am very sorry you’re having to deal with SH. It’s terrible and effects you and those who care about you.

Whether a person deserves his family’s love or not isn’t his decision. You family care about and that’s why your mom cried.

Do you think you could’ve avoided self harm if you were not drunk? Think about it and try to figure out. You are not alone.

On the subject of being a failure, are you kidding? You are only 20 years old. I am 38 now, not that old 😁, but I wish I could be 20 to get the chance to accomplish things that were easier for me to do at that age.
Cheer up, be thankful that you are still young and you have so much time to accomplish the impossible. Be happy that you have a family and friends that care about you no matter what.

I hope you feel better soon.